Balling for Dollar$

Ashley Welles as Chrissy and a gal pal named Jamie portray unlikely Collection Agency operatives in the incompetently made XXX-er BALLING FOR DOLLAR$. It's revived as a desultory co-feature on Vol. 120 of Something Weird's Dragon Art Theatre series.

They ball the guys they're supposed to be collecting from, and no money changes hands, as the non-film's premise is a meaningless jumping-off-point for episodic porn.

Softcore star John Tull (memorable in SASSY SUE, MIDNITE PLOWBOY and other Buckalew comedies) is a more random sex object, picked up by Jamie and humped in a van. The closeup insert shots of XXX sex and ejaculation during his scene are obviously fake, presumably performed by John Holmes who pops up later in the film.

Superstud Mike Ranger owes the video software company the gals are working for $450 dating back to May 1979, which helps identify when this baby was shot.

Pointlessness is underscored by a terrible disco music score, including the version of "Star Wars" and other movie themes. When Holmes shows up for a threesome with the heroines there is no money shot on screen, but it's implied by a fake bukkake payoff of Chrissy dribbling mucho white stuff mouth to mouth to Jamie. Definitely gal pals, and finale has them in a lesbian three-some with an attractive, busty friend for the film's highlight.

Movie ends in the middle of this all-girl clinch, with "THE END" displayed on a card next to a female bare behind for the umpteenth time in such junkers.

Tall, natural-blonde Welles is an attractive performer, with dozens of better (by default) movies to her credit, including coincidentally a STAR WARS spoof titled SEX WARS. The gap-toothed actress playing Jamie is untalented, and though involved in plenty of explicit sex action here never uncovers her breasts, a rather strange form of modesty.

It's cheapo filming all the way, right from the first scene where a dog (not part of the movie) is loudly heard barking incessantly on the soundtrack. No retakes permitted.

The film is poorly put together, bad lighting, edited. It so bad I am having trouble remembering the plot (if there was any plot). There is a scene which made me laugh out loud, it was a sex scene where they used the "star Wars theme" by Meco (disco version). That was funny. I don't think they got permission to use that music, but then again, most adult film was very reckless back then. Not recommended.