Payne

The US has a history of lifting successful comedy formats from the UK, some of which have proved as successful - and occasional more so - than the original templates. Steptoe and Son became Sanford and Son, Till Death Us Do Part begat All in the Family, Man About the House mutated into Three's Company. Payne is not one of those shows.

Much as the US version of Coupling appears to have surgically sliced out the sex and sarcasm which made the original so funny, the team behind Payne seems unable to grasp that none of the characters in Fawlty Towers are meant to be likable, with the possible exception of Polly. Basil acts superior but has deep insecurities, Sybil is a self- centred bitch, Manuel is an idiot, even the guests are barely coherent.

But that's what makes them human. And funny. And whilst we bemoan the fact that Cleese & Booth produced only a dozen episodes of Fawlty Towers, we can sit agog that Payne made it as far as nine.

This really ought to qualify as one of the worst television shows of all-time, no kidding. Right up there with Supertrain, The New Odd Couple and all the others in that elite category, that rarefied air. And the fact that it's a cheap knockoff of John Cleese's masterpiece Fawlty Towers isn't even the issue. The jokes and situations are hardly original and the characterizations are downright awful. I actually felt embarrassed for Larroquette, who I think is one of the most underrated comic actors in the world. Granted, he's no Cleese, but he's not that far below him, either. JoBeth Williams was just terrible, as are the Polly and Manuel ripoff characters. It's just plain tasteless, lame and stupid. That Larroquette's character on the show is actually named "Royal Payne" should give you an idea of the intelligence level involved in the humor. "Night Court" and the fabulous "John Larroquette Show" have this turkey beat eight ways to Sunday. An absolute piece of garbage. 0 * out of 4

The opening credits mention that it is based on Fawlty Towers. Apart from being based in a hotel run by husband and wife, I think that that is about it. You might as well say that "Four Weddings and a Funeral" is based on "Get Carter", as they are both set in England.

Where is the animosity between the hoteliers? Where is the violence against Manuel? Why is nothing funny? How come everyone is nice to the customers and the odds aren't stacked against them?

"Payne" is not "Faulty Towers", and it suffers because of the obvious comparison. While "Payne" may have its occasional moments of amusement, it is a sanitized, cliched and overall dimmer relative to the original British series, that sparkled so brightly with wit and comic timing. Let's face it, John Laroqette is no John Cleese. Not by a long shot...

John Larroquette is delightfully rude and self-serving as hotel owner Royal Payne in this Yank version of "Fawlty Towers"! Certainly, his version of crass attitude is different from John Cleese's, as it should be. Some viewers might say that the relationship between Payne and his wife Constance (JoBeth Williams) seems too flexibly forgiving, but there IS a definite viper-like chemistry between the two, like a more sarcastic Nick & Nora Charles. I also like (even though it is a comic-relief ethnic stereotype) Rick Batalla's portrayal of Mohammad, the bumbling bellhop. Just like Manuel in "F.T.", he is cringingly subservient to his boorish boss ... I'm waiting for a dressing-down scene of "This Royal's wife. This Royal. This smack on head." And Larroquette will give Batalla a smack on the head ... let's wait and see!