Road to Revenge

Why do I do this to myself? Why do I fall for the worst of the worst films? Why haven't I learned? Perhaps it is out of boredom that I feel the need to watch dreck like this, for in the changing landscape of media deconstruction, having seen a list of the best films ever made is on par with seeing the absolute worst films ever made. And frankly, the watching of these two wildly divergent areas of influence brings about an equal appreciation for the greatness and awfulness of a film.

Champagne and Bullets (I refuse to call it the generic Road to Revenge) provides all of the things I look forward to in a horrible film. Bad action sequences, terrible dialogue, bad acting and a lack of self awareness from the person fronting the vanity project. John De Hart made a terrible film and we should all acknowledge this, but damn bless his heart for trying. Unlike the modern "auteurs" who try to make terrible films for social media clout, De Hart set out to make something genuine and sincere. This is why projects like The Room, Fateful Findings, Meltdown and Birdemic are so awesome while the fakes who desperately try to be bad always become forgotten. You need to be sincere to make something like this work and pass through the annals of a humongous media landscape.

The story is impossible to follow. I mean, De Hart is a disgraced cop or something and his ex-partner framed him and is now a judge. Also, this ex-partner is the head of a baby killing cult. You tell me. The action sequences are poorly made and edited, for its laughable anyone would consider De Hart a seasoned fighter. And lets talk about the real star of the film...De Hart's wardrobe. Apparently, his spectacular 80s inspired vibe was all from his own closet. I'm sure this was done to save money, but oh boy his clothes are magnificent. I couldn't get enough of the hip-hop cowboy vibe he was pioneering all the way back in 1993. Thank you Mr. De Hart for bringing us into your little world. I'll end on this note...be sure to have friends and snacks because this movie is tough treading. But damn, you have to give the guy and "A" for effort.

Hey, if you're behind on your cringing, or if you're just feeling out of practice or are a masochist in general, this is the film for you. Makes Christopher Moltisanti's "Cleaver" look like "Citizen Kane." John De Hart makes Steven Seagal look like Ian McKellen in comparison.

A special shoutout to John De Hart (and his various online sock-puppets) for leaving all those 10/10 reviews, lol. Keep reaching for that rainbow, Johnny boy!

This is an awesome piece of cinema I found this morning and wow I'm impressed! Written directed starring the same dude and he did an amazing soundtrack that should have won a Grammy!! William smith is well William smith in this and wings houser is so loaded throughout the movie he can't even string together a coherent sentence the action is intense the dialogue heart felt . So everyone should experience this masterpiece and make dehart release the soundtrack as it's one of the best musical performances of all time. Do yourself a favor and get everyone you know to watch this masterpiece and chicks love it.

John De Hart, Wings Hauser, William Smith And Pamela Bryant are brilliant in their portrayals. John De Hart has become my favorite Actor and this is truly my favorite movie of all time! The action is superb. The relationships are real as is the romance. The funny parts are really funny, the one-liners are great and there are many memorable, meaningful and right-on messages about the corruption inherent in bureaucracy... The movie is thrilling! To paraphrase an eminent movie critic: Everything that is good about action movies has been mirrored here and amped to the next level. Remember how you always wished that Jean-Claude Van Damme would have sung multiple songs in his movies? This movie is the fulfillment of that wish! One more thing you should know: Every female that has viewed this film and voted on this cite has rated the film a '10'. Don't miss it.

Ok...so...there is "bad, just bad", and THEN there is "so bad, it's great!".

And then? There is "Champagne And Bullets".

So much has already been-said regarding this "thing" (under ANY of its titles. "Geteven" or "Road To Revenge" or "C and B" as it stands here. My guess? DeHart will wait ANOTHER 10 years, and re-release/re-cut the re-cut of a re-cut...again (forgetting that age-progression occurs in humans) and maybe call the 4th incarnation: "How I Made Out With a Playboy Centerfold, GotAway With It, on My Road To Revenge, With Wings Hauser and a Wooden Indian".

The film is a NEIL BREEN-style masterwork.

So inept (I mean..."The Shimmy Slide" MUST be on everyone's Playlist in your car. Pamela Bryant collecting a check that HAD to be more than Hugh Hefner offered. And Wings. Oh, Wings Hauser! Who turns in the performance of a LIFETIME. Like the crazy drunk sister you have (or I have) that you DON'T want to invite over for Thanksgiving Dinner...but kinda-gotta. Just for the ability to laugh at the idiocy on display.

No. I won't waste your time with "plot" (who truly cares?) as there really isn't one.

No. I won't waste your time with "auteur-editing" in its infancy. (There isn't any).

No. I won't explain the "great soundtrack". (Because this tripe makes ANYTHING done by Neil Young...even at his worst (which is hard for him to be)...sound like Whitney Houston).

THIS FILM? Simply is one you HAVE to see to believe.

To believe in 2 things: HOW IN THE WORLD did John DeHart get both Pamela Bryant and Wings Hauser to be in it? AND with William Smith (another great character actor) to show up (incoherently, I might add) as well.

To simply GET(EVEN) this "thing" made? Is a testament to itself. And something (especially for "bad movie lovers") to behold and give mad props to.

Irwin Allen made BAAAAAAD movies (See: "The Swarm" or "When Time Ran Out...") Yet Irwin always had a massive budget and could rake in the stars with a phone call.

Neil Breen makes (still does) BAAAAAD movies. He does it on NO budget (which is readily-evident) and can't even hire a "known stripper from Las Vegas Blvd" to appear in his mush.

Coleman Francis made BAAAAAAD movies. (But his were MST3K fodder).

Yet JOHN DeHART...The Man, the Myth, The Legend, himself...made such a ridiculous spectacle here that it simply MUST BE SEEN, to be believed.

I give it...TEN STARS **********