Maniac Nurses

I have to wonder how bad this movie was before Troma got its hands on it. I bet Troma is responsible for the overwrought voiceovers and tourist footage of the porn palaces of Paris but this is still one snail-paced piece of exploitation cinema. A lot of time is spent on watching the nurses lounge around in lingerie and walk around the woods in tall boots and cutoffs with Uzis. Some heads explode and feet are sliced off but this movie just doesn't quite cut the Grey Poupon mustard.

This isn't "true" Troma production, Troma probably only distributed it, but it is good example of same of the most bizarre Troma productions. I'm now convinced that Troma's policy is: "You have the most stupid idea for the movie, we will make a serious feature film based on your idea. We are not afraid of the most bizarre ideas, they give us the chance to make another film".

If you want to see something really strange, see this movie. But be prepared for strange experience. I watched entire movie late night fascinated how far they could go. And they really went quite far. Fascinating.

I've been known to enjoy awful films, but even I have my limits: Maniac Nurses Find Ecstasy (released by Lloyd Kaufman's Troma studio, home of many a z-grade crap-fest), is a heavily cut, re-edited and dubbed Belgian porno flick that is so atrocious that even copious amounts of nudity from a bevy of beautiful, lingerie-clad women and the occasional bit of bargain-basement gore cannot stop it from ranking as one of the worst films I have seen.

Once they had finished hacking the XXX action from their original acquisition, the guys at Troma obviously realised that the collection of disparate scenes they were left with didn't make an awful lot of sense. Rather than cutting their losses and binning the mess, they improvised, adding a narration track that appears to have been conceived on the fly (the story about a private clinic run by sadistic women is utter garbage), and using some stock footage to pad out the running time.

When I watch a film featuring exploding heads, severed feet, a man impaled on a gnome, a self-flagellating monk ridden like a horse by a hot brunette, machine gun-toting babes in suspenders, a baby born with an Elvis tattoo (!), and a scorching blonde sadist who likes violent comic books (that look like like they've been drawn by a ten-year-old) AND I'm still struggling to stay awake, then I know I've discovered a genuine stinker.

"Maniac Nurses" is really a fever dream rather than a movie. It's one of those flicks you just have no control over, you have no idea what's going on and every new scene just makes you more confused and frustrated. Whatever plot they have is clearly ad-libbed by the annoying narrator, who tries to make scenes of bored women sitting on couches deeply philosophical. He has uhm, mixed success. Without the narrator this movie would be a lot more fascinating, because he's the only voice that seems to be coming from this planet. Once he shuts up for two seconds the movie almost becomes a pleasant hallucination. The cinematography is butt-ugly, the colors are all washed out, the production values aren't even good enough for 70s porn, none of the actors has a single other credit: it's exploitation at its trippiest, it meanders from random death to random death with no idea what a beginning, middle or end looks like. To beef up the running time every scene goes on about ten times longer than it needs to, but this movie is so slow, tedious and repetitive than it's almost hypnotic. So what I am to do, recommend it? I can't, I hated this movie. And perhaps I'll hate it again when I rewatch it. "Maniac Nurses" has a bizarre effect on me.

This was bad - really bad. It was some Belgium film that Troma bought and slapped on some cheesy narration to make some sort of a story that never really made sense.

In truth, it could have been a slide show for all the action that was in the film. The only time anything at all happened is when they were blowing some poor soul's head off, or chocking some picnicer.

There weren't even any sex scenes. This was supposed to be some sort of lesbian horror film. Well, it was a horror all right, and, if there were any lesbians in this film, they were all virgins.

Stay far away from this one, even if it is free on Netflix.