Pam's Love Bang

"Baby, I gotta be preggos 'cause you were so, far, inside me, that I was like inside out." "Baby, that is one weenis." "Oh, lover, you are so beautiful." All the screenwriters Andy Warhol ever worked with couldn't have come up with the dialogue of this "inadvertent" hardcore travelogue of the Pam and Tommy honeymoon, which is white-trash cretinism boiled down to a post-bakeage minimalism that is genuinely mind-blowing. These may be the two stupidest people ever committed to celluloid. If you ever wondered what a doobie-baked stripper says to her heroin-riddled tattooed deadbeat boyfriend before he passes out on her floor, this will provide some much-needed answers.

A cinematic triumph. Pamela and Tommy Lee's Sex Video, supposedly stolen from the newlyweds' house, is nothing but buoyant fun. Pamela Anderson Lee, the internationally lusted-after Baywatch star, is positively unsinkable as she frolics in the buff off the Lees' Jacuzzi-equipped pleasure cruiser.

Speaking of pleasure cruisers, Tommy's is cinema's real Titanic, although in this case it never founders. (Tommy Lee first made his name -- for what it's worth -- in the brainless 80s teen-rock band Motley Cru. You can certainly see where he got his self-confidence.)

Even Pamela's famously plasticized accessories don't ring a false note. Who's to say what's real; they show up on videotape, right? Besides, there's no faking dialogue like:

Pamela: "Where's my cocktail?"

Tommy: "It's right here, baby." (he pans downward)

It's too bad the happy couple's dissolute pleasures are marred by excessive expressions of love and devotion.

"You're the best f---ing husband in the world!" Pamela squeals.

Other than that bit of sentimentality, this is forty-five minutes worth of premium Americana -- show-biz success enjoyed the way God intended it: in a four-wheel-drive truck, rocking its shocks to pieces in the breakdown lane of the I-5.

(Note: If IMDb doesn't want certain words included in reviews, even when those words are actual quotations from the film, then perhaps IMDb should not include films that contain such nasty words in its database.)

There are 2 reasons why I watched this movie. The first being that it is a

istic insight into the lives of people with more money than sense and the second being that it was recommended to me from my friends.

I was very disappointed because all it really is is Pam and Tommy hanging around on a boat . Nothing really to get worked up about. The scenes (all 3 of them) are very unspectacular too. There is a couple of straight and one oral. All are nothing special and there is definitely better stuff out there. The only reason this has gained notoriety is that Pam denied the existence.

There is much better official out there that is way more entertaining. Try real porn with Ashley Blue or Kitty. Give this a miss but if you're really bored and your friend has loaned you a copy...watching it will only make you more bored.

The sexy side of this video caught my attention, but upon closer examination I noticed how revealing this home video sequence was and how normal these "Pop Icons" are. There is explicit sex and nudity but it is brief or barely distinguishable. The jittery hand held camera work or blurred lens will drive you nuts. It took the couple a few days before they realized the camera lens was filthy. Behind the scenes Pam seems more like a sweet modest girl than the sex pot her image portrays. They live in luxury and freedom and this gives you a peak at "how the other half lives". I reviewed the version with "numerous scenes restored". But this may well have translated into many long, and boring sequences like their "Alien Wedding" where the bride and groom and various guests wear tin foil and spacesuits. The video reveals some wild and drunken behavior but also reveals two people that seem like fairly typical young adults that are in love. They certainly never intended for this to be seen by the public, and their private craziness may not be too far from the lives of others of their age. I would certainly pass on this one unless you are really thrilled by the voyeuristic aspects of it all. The technical quality of the video is the lowest I've seen.

If your idea of a good time is watching some druggie rock star bonking a famous Playboy bunny then this "movie" will certainly fulfill you. It is, at least, leagues better than that awful Paris Hilton tape. However, in general, I just have a hard time of finding entertainment in watching two famous people going at it for an hour. Maybe it's just me.

Let's give a rundown of what occurs in this film, though:

• Pamela Anderson has sex with Tommy Lee in a moving car - Pamela Anderson has sex with Tommy Lee on a private boat - Pamela Anderson has sex with Tommy Lee in her private trailer

I'm sure it must have been hard for her to be "cinematographer" while having to perform the sexual acts. I also like how she's credited as "Makeup Artist."

Makeup for what?

Maybe I don't really want to know.