I Am for Sale

Hookers reminisce in the uninteresting Florida porn film I AM FOR SALE, reissued courtesy of Something Weird.

Film opens promisingly, if only for a few seconds, as a small white statue is stroked with implications of perhaps a MALTESE FALCON plot to come? Alas, it is just a decoration as five hookers, including their madam, narrate flashbacks of their experiences with various Johns.

It's pretty boring, with attractive Judy first up, servicing an ugly Latin guy who insists on eventually showing his chubby body when he gets in the shower with her. A buxom dark-skinned latina named Alice handles the second segment in which sleazy Chuck Trainor (of Linda Lovelace fame) paints her crotch with dark black ink, thereby skirting the still-frowned on full-frontal nudity issue (when this junker was made). He's still horny and phones Betty, to come over for a threesome, with everybody getting painted.

Judy returns to tell of a kinky assignment, where she's called upon to put a buxom blonde lesbian into bondage mode, oil her up and whip her. It sounds a heck of a lot more interesting than the actual footage shown.

The madam Helen (played by Andrea Barr) tells her own story of being hired as an escort, going to a nightclub where a couple of latina dancers strip. Barr has a great body but she's a dull actress. Her date played by Pauly Dash starts beating her up, fortunately with open hand (this is 40 years before the nauseating "Casey Affleck goes wild" misogyny of the recent travesty THE KILLER INSIDE ME). As part of the format, he verbally abuses her as well.

SWV print ends in the middle of a scene, just as there's a knock on the door where the 5 girls are assembled and one declares: "It's early, who could that be?". I'll never know.