Monte Cassino

Contender for the worst film ever made!

I saw this movie for the first time at the recommendation of a friend. He warned me it would be painful to watch, but I had no idea how painful it would turn out to be.

This film (the English version I saw is entitled "Battle of the Last Panzer") is intended as a WWII epic depicting the struggle of a German tank crew, caught behind enemy lines, trying to get themselves and their vehicle back to German-held territory.

Other than that, I will make no attempt to describe the insanely fragmented and incoherent plot - you simply have to see it for yourselves!

Everything about this movie is just plain bad -- the plot, the dialog, the setting, the special effects, the equipment and uniforms, and the acting.

The star of the show is the Lieutenant in command of the crew (capital letters indicate emphasis):

"Any attempt at disobedience, or talk of desertion ... will be punished by DEATH!"

"As the Fuehrer said ... Those who are not with us ... are AGAINST us!"

"You have one minute, no more, to throw down your arms and get out of sight! After that minute, I'll advance -- RAPID FIRE!"

The film is supposed to be set in France, after the D-Day invasion. But in place of the lush green fields of Normandy, the landscape is arid and looks like Sicily or the south of Spain.

The uniforms are the best! "Americans" wearing Italian uniforms, complete with Italian rank and helmets. The weapons they are carrying are modern G3 assault rifles. The "Germans" are no better - they are carrying Italian-made Baretta submachineguns and pistols! Last but not least, their "Tiger" tank is an old US M-48 tank.

Writing these comments is proving to be almost as painful as watching the film. However, it's a must see. If you want a real shock, watch it right after "Saving Private Ryan" or "Band of Brothers" and you'll find out just how bad bad can be!

The film starts with a brief introduction reads , "As long as there are two men left one Earth, there will be war" . Stelvio Rossi as Lt. Hunter , nicknamed as Stan Cooper , assumes the character of commando leader in this ordinary wartime movie regularly directed by José Luis Merino . It is set during World War II, after the D-Day invasion . At the beginning of the movie happens a raid into French territory , there a two-fisted but unsettling officer , Lt. Hunter (as Stan Cooper) , attempts to organize his Tiger tank crew to escape from enemy army . The lieutenant leads a group of expert soldiers on a risked as well as strange getaway . The relentless run is submitted to strong sufferings , risked adventures and hazardous feats . He is a merciless Lieutenant with only one desire : to go out of beyond of enemy lines . Meanwhile , his nemesis , a tough American officer named Lofty (Guy Madison) who commands the allied Army (whose combat helmets are really postwar Spanish army and all of the American soldiers wielding arms are unique to postwar European) tries to destroy the enemy by besieging them . As the bunch of German Tank Crew fight to survive in France while a french woman called Jeanette (Erna Schurer) has volunteered to lead tank crew back to German lines , subsequently she falls in love with the German lieutenant (Stelvio Rossi) . The unfortunate Nazis , misfits from the German army do not care how its done and will run over anyone who gets in their way .

This moving film packs frantic thrills , perilous adventures , relentless feats , and buck-loads of explosive action , violence with reminiscent of Spaghetti Western . The noisy action is uniformly regularly-made , especially deserving of mention the rip-roaring final scenes in which the motley , wayward squadron is really besieged , including some spectacular shootouts and bombing . The ending tank battle is actually very similar to a gundown on the streets of the traditional Western town between the good guys and bad guys . The first half of the film allows the colorful cast of character actors to have their fun as they get their tails whipped into shape and developing a particular love/hateful relationship with their leader . The final part is all action , as the German team pursued by Partisans and US soldiers and then run for their lives . Apart from the values of team spirit , the film has a peculiar starring , far fom the uni-dimensional characters , as the Lieutenant results to be a disturbing role with doubts , nightmares and cowardice . The film is full of feats , suspense , battles , excitement and thrills . However , there are a number of unaccuracies and goofs , as the American troops are armed with Cetme assault rifles that were the ordinary weapons of the Spanish army which also delivered the inappropriate tanks , but actually manufactured in the Fifties . And , in addition , some American soldiers of the U.S. Army are wearing German paratrooper helmets. Rough Stan Vance is leader of the motley pack together thwart the Allied schemes , he gives an overacting and puts faces , grimaces and always on the edge of a nervous breakdown . Stelvio Rossi dominates this adventure war with his hysterical performance . Co-starred by Erna Schurer who eventually performed various Nazi-exploitation, both as a nasty Kapo or psycho-Nazi torturer . Along with a lot of familiar faces , mostly Spanish , who played a lot of Spaghetti/Paella Western , Warlike or other subgenres such as : the fatty Ricardo Palacios as a resistance fighter , the attractive brothers Rubén Rojo , Gustavo Rojo , Milo Quesada as Pierre, Jeanette's husband , Rafael Hernández , Rufino Inglés , Ángel Menéndez, sabtiago Rivero , and Antonio Mayans usual collaborator and actor of Jesus Franco's films .

It packs a moving and thrilling musical score by prolific Angelo Francesco Lavagnino . As well as atmospheric cinematography by Emanuele Di Cola . Filmed on location in Manzanares del Real , Colmemenar Viejo , La Pedriza , Madrid, where in the sixties and seventies had been shot several Chorizo/Pasta westerns . The motion picture was middling and professionally directed by Jose Luis Merino , though resulted to be average and it contains several flaws and gaps . He was a skill and successfully craftsman . Merino often used same actors , such as Stelvio Rossi , Peter Lee Lawrence , George Hilton and Charles Quiney . He has written/directed numerous films of all kinds of genres such as Terror : Ivanna , The hanging woman ; Euro-spy : Colpo Sensazionale al Servicio Del Sifar ; Chorizo/Spaghetti Western : More Dollars for the MacGregors , Frontera Sur , Réquiem for the gringo , Gatling gun , Seven ride to death , ; Wartime : Last Panzer battle , Hell commandos , A Bullet for Rommel , When heroes die ; Musical : Europa Canta , Aquellos Tiempos Del Cuple , and his most successful films are the fresh and diverting adventures : Tarzan and King Salomon's mines , Robin Hood , Rebelion De Bucaneros , El Zorro knight of Justice , El Zorro De Monterrey , and Last adventure of Zorro . Rating . 5.5/10 . So-so but passable and acceptable Paella/Spaghetti warfare movie .

World War II movies are my forte and I am well-versed in military history as well as time-period accoutrements. I have seen some bad Second World War flicks in my time, but this "thing" of a picture, this blasphemous abomination, sure cuts the cake! Besides lacking talent, creativity and a determination for a little historical research, the guy who directed this film had to have sympathies with Nazi ideals. First, it was shocking to see the French Resistance portrayed as a roguish band of buffoons headed by an equally idiotic and boisterous leader; a smack in the face to the brave, witty Maquis who courageously resisted the German occupation of their homeland. Secondly,the film is saturated with bad acting, senseless dialog, contemporary uniforms,weaponry and vehicles (check out the "U.S. troops" wearing Spanish Army camouflage uniforms, helmets - which are a direct copy of the old German M1944, poorly concealed by helmet covers and brandishing CETMEs -Spanish copies of the G3 7.62mm automatic rifles). The "Tiger" is clearly a Spanish Army-issue M-48! Need I go on? Rent, but do not buy, this movie. The insatiable stupidity will make you laugh and cry..and laugh again; yes, it's that bad!!!

War film logic dictates that both Americans, Germans and the occupied French will all understand each other while speaking fluent Americanese. With this kind of co-operation, why was there ever a war in the first place? Possibly to inspire no-budget tank operas like Battle Of The Last Panzer. It's the tale of a doomed Panzer squad led by the clearly-insane Lieutenant Hunter (played by Italian actor Stan Cooper, real name Stelvio Rosi). His men know the war is over and are on the brink of mutiny, but Hunter, who spends most of the film with his shirt off and practicing his strange full-facial style of overacting, is determined to see his mission through to the last man standing. They bulldoze their way into a tiny French village and capture the sycophantic mayor and his less-than-impressed wife Jeanette, who despises weakness and sees something sexy in Hunter's bullish macho destructive determination.

Played by German actress Erna Schürer who spent most of the Seventies in more sleazy Italian fare such as Strip Nude For Your Killer and Deported Women of the SS Special Section, Jeanette willingly volunteers to become their tour guide, supposedly to save her husband, but after a while trapped in a tank full of sweating, leering Germans her motives are quite clear, showing off her flesh and playing the affections of one soldier against the other. At one point, Hunter peers up her skirt and says "Pull up into the underbrush and park!" Jawohl, mein herr.

Unlike spaghetti westerns, the Italian war cycle was far shorter, much less prolific, and produced no stand-alone genre classics, least of all this one. But Battle Of The Last Panzer from 1969 has the look and feel and musical score of a spaghetti western from the same era - transpose Confederates versus Yankees on top of the WW2 players, substitute a war wagon for the Panzer tank, and gatlings for submachine guns, and you have a Sergio Leone movie. A rough as guts Leone at a third of the running time, one-fiftieth of the cost and with a script rewritten buy a team of monkeys on typewriters, but a Leone film nonetheless. And with a cool red-tinted spaghetti western style shootout at the end, it's worth sitting through this interesting yet deeply flawed Italian-Spanish poverty-row production. So gather the troops and fire up the Tiger for another excursion into enemy territory courtesy of the losing side: the Italian war epic Battle Of The Last Panzer.

"The Battle of the Last Panzer" was a co-production between the countries of Spain and Italy. Despite two countries collaborating on the movie, it seems that they weren't able to raise a decent budget. Although the events of the movie take place in France, the filmmakers stuck to filming in the Spanish countryside, which looks nothing like France. Also, the French village in the movie is obviously a thinly dressed set used for a spaghetti western!

However, the tacky look of the entire enterprise wasn't what sunk the movie for me. There are two big problems in the movie. The first is that none of the characters is sufficiently fleshed out enough so that we can care about them (or hate them). The second problem is that the movie is pretty boring. There's far too much talk and not enough action. And the little action there is in the movie is poorly directed so that there isn't the least bit amount of excitement. Too bad, because despite the low budget you can see the potential the premise of the movie had.