The Suckling

Get the f!ck out of here people...1's and 2's for this film??? I'm well aware that THE SUCKLING is no great feat of exploit cinema - but this is one of the best concepts out there for sleaze and gore fans. It's a shame it wasn't pulled off more competently and with more gore, if it had, this would have been one of my favorite films of all time...

THE SUCKLING is about a guy and his girlfriend who go to a whorehouse that doubles as an illegal abortion "clinic" (?) to get rid of the unwanted bun-in-the-oven. The chick has reservations about getting rid of it, so boyfriend and the coat-hanger technician unwillingly drug the girl so she doesn't have a choice in the matter (??). After the fetus is yanked, it's flushed down the toilet (???) where it encounters some radioactive material (????) and begins to mutate(?????) (at this point I feel compelled to tell you that this is no joke, this is really the plot of the film - and the fetus-mutation scene is hilariously awesome - think the "resurrection" scene from HELLRAISER meets that weird looking baby-thing from COMBAT SHOCK...). The fetus grows into some giant goofy looking monster, puts some sort of membrane around the house so those inside can't get out...and takes it's revenge on the occupants of the whorehouse (including it's "parents") for it's mistreatment (????????????)...

I couldn't make this sh!t up if I tried...THE SUCKLING has one of the most gloriously sleazy plots I could ever hope to actually witness on screen. But with such a wonderfully insane storyline - this film actually ends up being kind of disappointing. It starts out very strong, and ends very strong - but the middle is pretty dull and uneventful. There are SOOOOOO many things that could have been done with this film (even with a micro-budget) that weren't, and there was too much sitting around and talking by the "hostages", where there really should have been more gore and sleaze. Even so, I still dug this one if only for concept alone...but nah, it wasn't just that - there are definitely some "fun" things going on in this one. Probably not to everyone's taste as most "normal" people would have no interest in watching a radiated aborted fetus kill a bunch of people - but some of us really do - so if this sorta thing's your bag, I suggest giving it the once-over...7.5/10

Every once in a while, a movie comes along that forces you to redefine what movies are all about. Sometimes it just looks better than everything else on the market. Sometimes it's just acted better that a lot of other movies in its genre. And sometimes it's just so different that it defies comparison to anything else. There are plenty of movies that live up to the hype and prove themselves, in retrospective articles for years to come, to be the pinnacle of film. Unfortunately, this is not it at all.

The Suckling starts off with one of the worst openings ever that has been used too many times before: The prologue for the movie reveals how many people survive! What is the point of that? I mean, in a film like Texas Chainsaw Massacre, it's still irritating but its placement was so that the movie retained a documentary feel. Here, it is completely pointless and ruins any surprise you may have if you pay attention.

Regardless of that, the movie begins and seems interesting enough. Sure, the acting is terrible and the filming isn't the greatest, but the story has to do with a woman being tricked by her boyfriend and some sweet drugs into getting an abortion. That's cool! The aborted fetus itself doesn't look too bad, and we get some shots of it growing eyes and nails. Soon, it begins killing people, and that's magnificent.

Unfortunately, too much of the film is bogged down by boring moments. As I've said in other reviews, most of the fun of watching a B-Movie like this is to talk about the scenes to your friends later. But there isn't much to talk about here. It's like my complaint with Bubba Ho-Tep: there was so much they could have done with this concept but they totally wasted it. If I were to do this movie, I would have had some Abortion Police come in, armed with coathangers! Instead, this is basically just like every other slasher or monster film we've seen before, except with characters you don't care about (a businessman who says "whore" a lot, a CRAZY guy who is SO CRAZY that there is no gun shot sound effect when he fires his gun, a horrible boyfriend to the main character, a bunch of prostitutes, etc).

Just not really that enjoyable and surprisingly mean-spirited. And what's up with the ending with the skeleton, the guy, and the boy?!

A young girl has an illegal abortion in a house of ill-repute. The foetus is flushed down the toilet and into the sewer where, nurtured by pollution and goodness-knows-what, it survives, harbouring a grudge and glowing greenly. It then sets about popping up out of the toilets and picking off one-by-one all those responsible for its sorry fate. It is aided by the fact that all those involved are the kind of people who - on being told that there is something in the bathroom making a noise like the devil incarnate - proceed to shove their heads down the pan for a really good look.

Well, I first saw this on video in the early 90's when it was on release in the UK as "Sewage Baby", and it was so awful that I have never forgotten it. There was a kernel of a good idea here, but it was made with such technical ineptitude that even the folks at MST3K would only have been able to watch in gob-smacked silence. The photography is dire. The sound appalling- there are silent gun shots, footsteps that suddenly disappear halfway down a flight of stairs and then suddenly start again. Some of the cast are obviously actors, some are just as obviously not. The special effects are of the "let's have a Halloween party in the garage" school, with lots of atmospheric net curtains. After my sides stopped aching with laughter and my jaw returned to its normal position, I was left with many unanswered questions, like; Who ARE these people? How ever did they manage to get the money and film stock to make this movie? And how on earth did they manage to get it released? If anyone knows the answers - please tell me.....

THE SUCKLING opens with a rather bizarre nightmare sequence, followed by a woman and her boyfriend showing up at a combination brothel / abortion "clinic", where they meet several unsavory characters including the utterly odious "Big Mama".

Next, we witness a procedure gone horribly awry. The -obviously rubber- "fetus" is disposed of down the old porcelain receptacle, which is a possible health violation! After a tour of the sewer system, the "fetus" is exposed to some -conveniently placed- toxic waste. This causes an unholy resurrection, and the grotesque / absurd creature springs to life! The transformation scene is a disgusting wonder of ultra-schlock filmmaking!

The action switches back to Big Mama's place, wherein any further exposition is meant only to enhance the wretchedness of those who will soon meet their gruesome, collective doom. Whenever the hateful humans are busy NOT being killed, they blather on for intolerably long periods of time- 80-90% of the movie!

The titular mini-monster, which does grow to giant size, is only seen sporadically. Even then, it's far from spectacular. Making matters worse, any scenes without the creature are simply excruciating! Things pick up a bit by the final 20 minutes or so, but by then, viewers are most likely praying for death.

Heed the warning!...

Sometimes, fun and blood go together. THE SUCKLING is under that rule. The plot is, of course, of clase B-films and so the FX and the actors. But the result is really funny: a little creature takes a house and its inhabitants and moves misteriously around it. The final scene is one of the more bizarre shots I have ever seen.