Il mio West

"You got a nice little town here... GREAT PLACE TO DIE!" Spoken with what could be the worst British/Southern/Western accent ever recorded, psychopath gunfighter Jack Sikora (Bowie) tries to draw out retired gunfighter Johnny Lowen (Keitel). This is not a comedy, though I understand why someone would try to pass it off as one- it IS funny to see Bowie try to act 'old west'. But, as with the 'fair catch' call in football, you have to indicate you are a comedy before the movie is released and then make moves to indicate you are a comedy. That didn't happen here, though I suspect audience response (in the US, anyway) caused those responsible for the movie to re-think their strategy and throw the comedy label on it. Oh, it is a comedy, in fact I've gotten hours of comedic enjoyment out of it already. Making sound bites from Bowie's western phrases has been a hoot (or as he might say, 'a hut'). But once you see it, you'll know that it's more of a train-wreck than an attempt at humor. "This ain't a bad dream, Johnny, it's really me", says Jack/Bowie. Indeed.

Aging gunfighter Harvey Kietel returns to his family after twenty years, to find his wife dead and his only son a pacifist doctor. He's soon followed by degenerate hick David Bowie, who wants his chance to best Kietel and won't take "No" for an answer.

The first half of this tender-hearted, politically correct Italian western (the first in awhile) is pretty syrupy, but alright as long as you're not expecting a rip-roaring spaghetti western. Harvey Kietel is as excellent as always and the location photography pretty good.

Things get weird in the second half, when a scenery-chewing Bowie and his motley crew arrive to begin a vigil outside Kietel's house. Here he's quite amusing, talking with the same fake southern accent he used for his cameo appearance in Twin Peaks: Fire Walk With Me and even getting a chance to strum his guitar and sing, that is until he bashes it over the head of another character.

I couldn't help but like it.

Shot in the Apennines mountains in central Italy, by Italian Box Office breaker Piraccioni and his friend Veronesi, this 'comedy'- of- sorts makes us crave for the days of REAL spaghetti-westerns... Apparently Bowie wanted to 'have fun' and "work with Harvey Keitel, an actor I very much admire...". Unfortunately he/they chose a bummer. This is no "Once upon a time in the West" by 'maestro' Sergio Leone. Egos clashed a few times, and , worst of all, the outcome of this Eurotrash venture is soggy stuff. Such good taste as a musician (Bowie) doesn't guarantee the same when it comes to choosing a script. I hope he enjoyed the Italian cuisine, at least! p.s. Mr Keitel, on the other hand, has a shoddy 'track record' too, with the exception of a handful of 'stand out' films and roles... thank God he hasn't learned to sing!

One wonders if this film was actually directed by a single human being with a creative thought process. The spectacular Tuscan mountain region doubles nicely for the big sky country of America, providing the only genuine energy in this moribund production. It feels as if the screenplay was generated by some sort of computer after being fed with the essential plot points of the Hollywood western. The film lurches along awkwardly, trying not to miss any of the preprogrammed beats. It's rather a grubby combination of far far better films such as "Shane", "The Man Who Shot Liberty Valance", "The Shootist", "High Noon" or even that evergreen, "The Angel and the Badman". "The Gunslinger's Revenge" even throws in some "Dances With Wolves" moments among the local population of amazingly genial and chipper Native Americans. Presumably the computer weighed the variables and inserted a solid percentage of egalitarianism.

The performances -- if one could call them that -- of the actors are at the very best uniformly bland. One would hope this can be attributed to the script which relies on every Western gunfighter cliché ever produced and handcuffs the actors to characters without any range or depth.

And speaking of Lee Marvin's brilliant performance as the vile, mentally unhinged Liberty Valance...

What cinematic genius suggested that David Bowie try the ghastly pseudo-Southern dialect as the mentally unbalanced gunfighter who tracks Keitel to his hometown? One could blame the computer again. It sorted through the data and decided in lieu of being able to dress Bowie as former Nazi officer (always a quick way to establish a character as a freelance sadist), they would opt for a Confederate officer instead. Of course, it all makes perfect sense -- just like the rest of this appalling film.

This spaghetti-western is worth watching only because of one thing. O.K., maybe two: the stars of the project are Harvey Keitel and David Bowie. During the first half of the movie we're dealing with some strange combination of a cowboy story, comedy (not very bright, I must say) and... family movie. Well, it's boring and it reminded me of TV series called, yes, yes , "Dr, Quinn". Something interesting starts to happen when Bowie gets on the stage, but for his appearance we have to wait for a fifty minutes (fifty three, to be more specific). If you're a fan of the "rock'n'roll chameleon", you'll see this one anyway. In case you don't admire the gentleman, you should forget about "Il mio west" - it's the kind of a flick that makes you think: why the hell someone decided to film this?