Samurai Cop

In SAMURAI COP, Asian gang members start yelling at each other, right away! One of them, named Yamashita (Robert Z'Dar), begins killing other gangsters, apparently due to his awesomely enormous beard.

Enter police officer Joe Marshall (Matt Hannon), who starts off wearing my mom's old 1970's wig, before miraculously sprouting hair of his own! A cocaine deal "goes down", leading to a chase, with the cops driving the MYSTERY MACHINE from Scooby Doo! Bad guys are slaughtered like the nameless extras they are, followed by imitation sex between Marshall and his cop / Barbie girlfriend.

Meanwhile, the Asian gangsters scream at each other again, making Yamashita appear sedate by contrast. Marshall and his partner, Frank Washington (Mark Frazer) question a bloody guy in a sheet, while near-mannequins chatter mindless dialogue. Yamashita executes sheet man. Can Marshall catch Yamashita, before the streets run reddish with dayglo blood?

More dimwit dialogue is spoken by semi-sentient fungi posing as "actors", while Hannon teeters between his hippie-haired, toilet cleaner-snorting, Clint Westwood persona, and his goggle-eyed, Rambo / hamster with rotting of the brain. Oh yeah, and does he ever score with the ladies!

The "action" in this bust-a-gut symphony of ineptitude is a schlock addicts dream! Every scene is a priceless, irredeemable collection of nonsense! Not even the full frontal, female nudity can detract or distract from the beautiful, cluster-galaxy of rubbish unfolding before us!

Every fight scene is a ballet of buffoonery! Parts that are supposed to induce tension, only produce uncontrollable laugh spasms! The all-too-frequent sex scenes are like watching trees rubbing against each other in a heavy wind!

Thankfully, Marshall's wig returns, becoming a sort of character in itself. Actually the wig, in addition to being the best actor in the film, adds suspense, since we never know just when it might show up next! The Yamashita beard is a close second, taking our attention away from the boom mic shadow, during a crucial scene. The finale pits the wig against the beard, in a knock down, drag out, sword-swinging grimace fest, featuring wet sandbag punches and more grunting than at a corporate pig farm!

Yes! This is cinema!...

Writing this comment is the hardest thing I have ever had to do. The magnitude of this movie cannot be defined. It has it all: Japanese/Mexican Crime Lord with Mullet? Check. Guy who dies 4 different times because they didn't know enough people who wanted to be in this movie? Check. Random nurse scene with even more random clips of black partner's facial responses to nurse's comments about size of samurai cop's "sword"? Yes, that too is in it. Basically, if you ever saw a terrifically bad movie, and liked it, you will bow down to the awesome power of Amir Shervan's cinematic genius.

Smaurai Cop spares no expense. It gives you what you really want: Boobs, Racial Comments, Excessive Groping of Handgun by a Lacky, Fight scene with obvious continuity issues, Pimp Van in fast motion chase scene, Disturbingly Effeminate Waiter, 4 different samurai wigs, Matt Hannon acting, and too many other priceless moments to recount.

I am not sure how Amir got Robert Z'Dar and Gerald Okamura on this film (considering their "star power"), but thank God he did. This movie does not get the credit it deserves. It is one of cinema's greatest gems and should be recognized as such. Please, if you have watched this movie, and loved it, comment now!

There are good films and there are bad films; and then there are bad films so bad they are actually good... and then there is 'Samurai Cop'. A film in a class of its own, standing tall like a giant, so high above other trashy cinema masterpieces that a regular movie watcher brain cannot even process all the nonsensical visual drivel he has just seen. The quality of this 'masterpiece' surpasses any expectations you might have about cheap-piece-of-juck-90s-'action'-nonsence and enters the realm of surreal. The fact that someone actually bothered to piece together this absurdity into a feature-length film is just mind blowing.

Words might fail while trying to adequately describe this phantasmagorical piece of cinematic perfection. You could write a lengthy article criticizing a terrible acting, editing or utterly ridiculous dialogues. Or the fact that the story is so much saturated with every cliche of 90s action cinema that it cannot be considered as an independent script but rather as an amalgamation of a dozen scrips borrowed from other films. Severe objectification of women and excessive voyeuristic nudity serving no purpose whatsoever might just leave you entirely speechless. And lets not dwell too much on the fact that the main character, supposedly expert in Japanese martial arts, couldn't even throw a decent round house kick, while ridiculous hand gestures he performs during various fights, make American Ninja look like a documentary quality depiction of Ninjutsu. Shot inconsistency, the main character switching from a wig to a real haircut multiple times throughout the film is just an icing on a cake.

Somehow all the critique you could master up about 'Samurai Cop' doesn't seem to make it justice. The overall result is so much worse than the sum of its negative parts that your brains just cannot rationally explain or perceive it. One thing couldn't be denied though, the film is entertaining as hell. And that's, after all, the main point of action cinema - to entertain. In that regard 'Samurai Cop' is truly a film in the class of its own.

Joe Marshall (goofy beefcake actor Matt Hannon) is a detective trained in the ways of the samurai, and together with his affable partner Frank Washington (Mark Frazer), he goes after the many goons and thugs working for big time Japanese mobster Mr. Fujiyama.

That's about it for plot in this knowingly cheesy, sloppy, and silly martial arts action movie mess, written and directed by Amir Shervan. Obviously he knew exactly what kind of movie he was making, and just had fun with it. Often, "Samurai Cop" offers plenty of bad movie charm, as it clunks along from one inept sequence to another. The acting is hilariously, endearingly dumb across the board, with Hannon as one majorly wooden hero. Frazer has many great facial reactions. The ladies present are delicious eye candy: Melissa Moore as horny cop Peggy, Jannis Farley as leading lady Jennifer, and Krista Lane as a henchwoman. Robert Z'Dar is great fun as Yamashita, the primary henchman.

Marshall dispenses with inept bad guys left, right and centre; ultimately, the movie isn't always terribly funny, and gets a little tiresome, but it's still amusing enough to make it pleasant if not uproarious fare. It could have used some better pacing, but still delivers enough laughs for those B cinema enthusiasts looking to have a night of bad movies and beers.

Six out of 10.

Samurai Cop is a movie that is bad on so many levels that it's difficult to know where to begin. First of all, the acting performances are below average and lead actor Mathew Karedas seems to only have one facial expression. The plot is everything but clever, extremely predictable and could be described as almost childish. The dialogues are thin, unconvincing and often performed in poor English because the script was written by Iranian director Amir Shervan who didn't have much experience. The female characters in this movie are all stupidly obsessed with sex and the male characters try to look cool on purpose which makes them look like complete idiots. The camera techniques are often terrible because characters who are talking are sometimes out of frame or picture. Technicians are sometimes visible in the reflections of sunglasses or as shadows in a small room. There are numerous continuity mistakes with people wearing sunglasses in one cut and not wearing them in the next cut four seconds later, hospital rooms being filled with people that have mysteriously vanished five seconds later and people being asked to come from New York City to Los Angeles who are suddenly present a few minutes later as if they had taken a rocket ride. The locations of this film are also boring and mostly consist of exchangeable alleys, random intersections and cheap restaurants. The worst part about the movie is that the director forgot to shoot some important scenes and asked the different actors to come together again to finish the film about four months after it had already been finished. The problem here is that our static lead actor Mathew Karedas cut his long hair after the movie had been completed and had to wear a wig to avoid continuity errors. The problem is that this wig looks extremely fake and is even pulled off his head in a fight Scene if you watch closely which is the cherry on the cake of this goofy b-movie.

You might wonder why this film still deserved a generous five out of ten points. The answer is quite obvious. This film is so bad that it's almost good again. It's quite amusing to catch all the obvious mistakes. The film is unpredictable in its goofy weirdness. A nice drinking game invented by two German comedians specifically for this movie consists of drinking a shot of alcohol each time the main character's wig is visible.

To be fair though, it's a quite entertaining movie with a lot of car chases and fight scenes with bare hands, pistols, swords and improvised weapons. The movie also includes several soft porn scenes and a shallow love story that gives us a break from all the action. I was never bored by this movie because of its vivid flow. Most action movies these days either bore with complicated background stories, endless dialogues and take themselves way too serious or are filled with exchangeable CGI effects and enormous plot holes in unnecessary sequels. From that point of view, Samurai Cop is almost refreshingly grounded and unpretentious.

Fans of old-school action b-movies could be very well entertained by Samurai Cop and can give this film a shot if they are open to have some fun. My advice would be to invite some friends over while watching this film. Despite its numerous obvious flaws, Samurai Cop is still overall an average movie and not among the worst films I have ever watched like so many other people claim.