King Cobra

Even taking into account what obviously was a miniscule budget, one of the worst efforts I've been exposed to. In a nutshell, this is a tale of a small town under the attack of a genetically engineered, grossly oversized mutant snake (half King Cobra-half rattlesnake) that has escaped from the local laboratory. To remedy this awful situation, they hire expert snake wrangler Mr. Miyagi to corral the ferocious reptile. Honestly, Pat Morita would have won more of my respect by signing on for another Karate Kid movie. And despite the fact that both the plot and the realism are miserable, every cloud has a silver lining - this movie is so bad that laughter is all but guaranteed. That's the only reason you'll make it to the end. And if you do, there's gold at the end of the rainbow. In one of the most outstanding moments in bad movie history, the movie's final scene features one of our heroes delivering a breathtaking drop kick to the snake that is guaranteed to have you doubled over in laughter while frantically reaching for the rewind button. You've got to see it to believe it.

Okay. "Battlefield Earth" is nothing compared to this. This is, hands down, the worst movie I have ever, EVER seen. I saw it on HBO in the middle of the day when I was home sick, and this movie just made it worse. But, like a terrible car accident, I couldn't look away. The town in the film is home to a fledgling brewery that could spell an economic turnaround for the small hamlet, if its opening day "Brewfest" is a success. But, a giant cobra has escaped from a nearby lab and could kill everyone if authorities don't take the advice of the cute lady cop and her doctor boyfriend. Believe it or not, the stubborn mayor JUST WON'T LISTEN! You can guess the rest. Some observations:

1) Erik Estrada's performance as a gay man was the very worst acting I have ever seen in any movie. I'm talking Ed Wood level acting here. I kept getting the feeling that he was uncomfortable playing a a gay man; maybe he's got too much "machismo" in his Latin blood for that. His lisp, his "little dog," his "gay walk," his constantly checking out men's rears. Yikes!

2) The dad from "Gremlins" played the mayor of the town who, darnit, just won't listen when he's warned about the snake. He can't stop the town's beer festival! The economic future of every citizen is riding on it! Predictable results.

3) The young doctor. Hoo boy. The young doctor. Don't quit your day job, Mr. Forgettable, Stilted, Anonymous actor.

4) The lady cop. Ditto.

5) The snake was funny. A cobra with a rattle.

Not to mention all the racist stereotypes and idiotic dialogue. Don't see this. No, wait! See this! It's actually pretty funny!

Grade: F-

Things to look for: the sets, the look on the cobra's face, the woodchopping scene that goes on MUCH too long, the two Latin lovers in the woods (what ARE they saying?), Erik Estrada.

Snake movies are the worst. And this one is the equal of any. A King Cobra/Rattlesnake hybrid has escaped from a lab wrecked by two of the most insane scientists in film history. The scene was brief, but possibly the most entertaining in the film. The monstrous mutation has claimed a small, rural town as its territory. Of course they are about to have a festival a beer fest no less! And will the Mayor cancel the festival because a couple of people are killed? What do you think?

The acting in King Cobra is remedial at best. Even Pat Morita cannot make is role entertaining. The stoic Casey Fallo was a pretty good reason to keep viewing. She was nice to watch in what little she was given to do. Everyone else was just not in attendance.

Perhaps the major problem for me in the film is that a snake was able to outsmart one-and-all homo sapiens throughout most of the film. And the two ton beast seemingly appeared and disappeared with all the velocity of a mako shark. He wafted through the delicate branches of trees with the grace of a ninety pound ballerina. A trained deputy is cornered against a tree by the rampaging reptile, and she panics, seemingly forgets she has a pistol in her hand, and screams for the hero; who drop-kicks the lightnening-fast saurian without even getting bitten.

One must always suspend belief to some extent in order to enjoy a monster film. However, the director created such a "super snake", and such inept humans, that King Cobra far surpassed my ability to stretch reality.This mess eventually became boring and predictable. That is the only real sin a monster film can commit. And it is terminal in King Cobra.

But it just might be that the worst faux pas of this film was the beer recipe recited by the supposed artisan brewer. If you are able to muster the gumption to watch this snake calamity, listen carefully for it. This "master brewer" is concocting a classic American mass-produced, tasteless near beer; not a sapid, artisan brew. After all, snakes are a dime a dozen, but a really good beer is sacred.

I cannot recommend this film, unless one is in traction and cannot reach the remote. However, perhaps enough good beer could make it tolerable?

The film tells about Dr Burns in charge a environment lab making scientific experiments but it turns out to be a bio-genetically King Cobra that has a taste for human flesh .The researcher makes a chemical crossing two species, creating a weird and dangerous hybrid ,being transformed into deadly vipers: an African King Cobra and an American rattle snake with approximate length of thirty feet and whose bites killing its victims.But the laboratory instantly explodes .Two years later the giant snake makes a reappearance and and get loose, attacking at a small town and threaten the populace.Noriyuki, Pat Morita as a snakes expert tells: the African King cobra kills more people than one shark along hundred years .Morita says the snakes have bitten him 167 occasions and he's continuously injecting serum and keeps records with a bite black Mamba snake.The King Cobra simulates death for attraction the victims. and causing a breakdown of the blood cells.The poisonous Cobra-Rattler attack at random and slither down the mountainside,woods and slither around small town,ready to attack anyone in its path.

This is an average scary snake movie .Creepy,scary,campy and low budgeter story about a large snake attacking human beings. Mediocre performances though the actors reacts appropriately to becoming snake food.Rather sympathetic characterization by Pat Morita for the horror genre.Besides Hoyt Axton as the Mayor and Eric Strada as a gay man organizing the brew-fest.The snake are made by Animatronics ,no by nowadays very prolific computer generator,as usual. Another films about this sub-genre are : SSS(Bernard Kowalski),the successful Anaconda(Luis Llosa with Jennifer López),Python 1,2,Boa and Rattlers.The motion picture is regularly directed by David Hillenbrand.

King Cobra

I didn't know this was a sequel to the 1997 sleeper "Anaconda" until I looked it up on IMDb. Needless to say, it's worse than the original.

"The Karate Kid" star Pat Morita (yeah, the Chinese guy) stars as a snake hunter who must track down a genetically-altered King Cobra python-whatever when it escapes its super-duper high tech prison: a tin cage. Wow, the government must really be cutting down on containment these days. Anyway, Pat goes after the snake with the help of Scott Hillenbrand (also co-director of this journey) and Casey Fallo, who do, of course, fall in love and kiss right after a snake is about to chomp their heads off. But that's okay - it's in the script.

There are countless things in this film that are truly laughable, including the scene where Pat Morita tells Hillenbrand that he injects himself with snake venom to acquire an immunity to it. You can see the regret in Pat's eyes. He knows this is a stinky movie, and he hates having to say what he's saying. He's been around in the Hollywood circuit long enough to know that saying that kind of thing can get a film - and an actor - killed. But directors can be very picky about their films. I just thought of something that rhymes with `picky,' as well.

Pat Morita is in the low-point of his career. Actually, let's face it: He doesn't have a career. He got lucky off a few `Karate Kid' movies, and his fame disappeared instantaneously. He tried to get back in the acting showbiz with `The Next Karate Kid,' but his plan backfired, and his apprentice in the film became the one to gain worldwide recognition AND an Oscar (Hilary Swank). Too bad for Pat.

Scott Hillenbrand is like scraping the bottom of the barrel. His acting talent is niltch. He can't direct or act, which leaves me to wonder...how did he get his big break? I can't imagine he gained anything from the 1997 thriller `Hostile Takeover'.

David Hillenbrand, Scott's brother, is the other co-director of this film. And quite frankly, they both share the family gene specialty, which is being manager at a McDonald's somewhere out in Oklahoma. That's their specialty, and they should stick to it.

Saying this movie is bad is like saying "Anaconda" was sort of bad. The original was awful enough, but this sinks even lower in the depths than the original.

Sure, it's great for a Friday or Saturday night when you've got nothing else to do. But in all honestly, I'd rather waste 93 minutes of my life on something good than something below-average, even if it has a campy quality to it (and not much at that!).

Worth avoiding at all costs. Well, almost all costs. It's hard to keep a straight face when Morita says he injects himself with snake poison. What a pathetic way to make the hero immune to venom. B-A-D is written all over this straight-to-video flop.

0/5 Stars -

John Ulmer