Seamless: Kidz Rule

Many of the comments for this film (too many) are extremely negative, often tossing it into the "worst film ever made" category. These reviewers simply do not know what the worst is. Blissfully they never will. As a veteran of the Hollywood wars, I know the original producing organization (Shower Productions) too well. As LA producers go they are no worse than the middle of a vast pack who are largely unknown to film goers. "Seamless" was the best film they managed to produce. I will spare you gory details and just say that their other films never have never seen the light of day, and never will beyond "undiscriminating" markets in unnamed foreign countries that I hope I will never visit. Is "Seamless" a good film? No. Is it the "worst film ever made?" It is far, far from that. To that end, despite working conditions that cannot be described here, the director and DP of this film deserve credit for delivering a film that can actually placed into the Harm's way of commercial movies.

"Kidz Rule," or "Seamless" as it was packaged at Video Hits Plus in Kalamazoo, is a horrible movie. The tragedy is that Shannon Elizabeth (of American Pie infamy) is the best actor in the cast. The protagonist, J.B. (Kentaro Seagal) reads lines like that kid behind you in High School who clearly hadn't made it past the 3rd grade reading level before Junior High. Not that he doesn't get everything one of those guys would have wanted in a throw-away love scene with Miss Elizabeth.

However, there is no nudity in this movie, and that really doesn't help the situation. With a movie like this, I'm surprised the director didn't ask for more skin when he realized what he was working with. There's plenty of sexuality without nudity, though - including one anxiety-ridden, stressed-out teenager who ends up trading sex for money.

One more thing I should mention is the character of Elmo, played by Broc Benedict. Truly heartbreaking in his over-acting, Broc is probably the most proficient actor after Shannon Elizabeth. If you think you've seen him before, you may have - he played the younger version of Eric Foreman in flashbacks on "That 70s Show."

I gave this a 2 out of 10. If you and your friends go to the video store and you see this on the shelf, you see Shannon Elizabeth staring at you with those "undress me" eyes, remember this review and put the movie back down. If you're that desperate for her, go watch American Pie again.

There was absolutely no freakin plot to this movie! It kinda had to do with some chalkey who was a DJ at a rave I think... Any way, this movie sucks. I rented it from the video store because shannon elizabeth got naked in American Pie and Dish Dogs... so I assumed she would be getting naked in this. AND SHE DOESNT!!!!! For god sake, i had to watch half this crap on fast forward. And the people have the nerve to use Shannon Elizabeth lookin fine on the cover of the box to sell this crap, and she isnt even in it much! DO NOT SEE THIS MOVIE, IT IS CRAP. 1/10 only gets the one because shannon elizabeth is in it.

That was one of the most painful 90 minutes of my life! I would rather give blood than watch that movie again! There was absolutely no point! I feel violated! There was no plot. The entire movie was merely a series of quazi-related clips edited to convince Artista that the production was finished so they could finally stop shooting, ending everyone's misery. The directing, wardrobe and cinematography were almost cartoonish. I got the feeling throughout the movie that I was watching a Saturday morning kid show (and not a good one). The acting was horrific! The acting was on par with a 3rd grade play. I haven't heard that much monotone dialog since seeing a Steven Wright comedy show! The saddest thing is that Shannon Elizabeth is by far the best actor in the movie and she was about as good as you'd expect her to be.

After suffering through about 30 minutes of this epic, it was clear that the only thing that could give some dignity to this disaster would some gratuitous nudity as you'd expect from a Shannon Elizabeth movie. They didn't even come through on that.

Bad, bad, bad, bad movie. Rent American Pie instead.

This movie was bad. We knew it when we rented it, it was re-enforced after watching the piece of crap. We saw the cover at the movie store, looked and saw "Rave" on the back of it, then had to see how bad they messed up their rave interpretations. I could tell you if they actually had raves in it. The 5 minutes of raver montage at the beginning was useless, but that could never out do the biggest laugh of the film. The idiot street kids lick AMBER!!! to get messed up. Yeah, that's right, fossilized friggin tree sap!!! I guess all of the drug dealers on earth are missing an open market. Overblown drug related effects, terrible acting, and enough happy happy joy joy love talk to make a self-help counseler vomit, I have to give this movie a negative 30 rating. Save the three bucks on the rental and buy a crack rock, at least you know beforehand you'll lose braincells.