Help Me... I'm Possessed

HELP ME... I'M POSSESSED (aka: NIGHTMARE AT BLOOD CASTLE) starts out with an attack on an amorous couple by some unknown creature.

The scene switches to the extremely well-lit dungeon of Dr. Arthur Blackwood (Bill Greer), located in the basement of his sanitarium / castle. This is where Blackwood keeps his test subjects / prisoners, and where he guillotine's the naughty, while quoting the bible. Postmortem, the doctor's hunchback henchman cuts the bodies into little pieces and stores them in tiny boxes. Said henchman also whips the prisoners and laughs. A lot.

Also living in the castle is Blackwood's doll-clutching sister, and his wife. Oh, there's also a mute, leering chauffeur named Ernest, and an odd woman who roams about, spouting ominous blather.

The local sheriff (Stuart Whitman) is investigating a series of murders that somehow involves the dangling of red licorice strings.

What's going on? Who can tell?!

This is mind-altering nonsense at its absolute summit! Only the likes of Al Adamson or Andy Milligan have ever achieved anything approaching the impossible density of this miraculous mishmash! Is it schlock? Hyper-schlock? My friends, this is Franken-schlock-zilla's second cousin, thrice removed! Watch it and feel the shrinkage of thy brain!...

Another haywire cinematrocity from Nevada-based schlockmeister Charles Nizet, wherein a doughy, toupee-mantled mad doctor and his toiling hunchback sidekick oversee the usual scientific quackery in a remote desert castle(which looks suspiciously like the architectural enclosure of a miniature-golf park). The castle's other residents include the doctor's mentally touched sister, a curvaceous nurse, and several beastly nut-cases imprisoned in their surprisingly tidy subterranean dungeon, patiently waiting to be tortured and killed. Said doctor's heedless experiments have yielded an awesome, uncontrollable beast which occasionally emerges from a nearby cave to kill random passers-by(between you and me, this soup-kitchen excuse for a Lovecraftian monster is merely a handful of red licorice ropes being waved around in front of the camera).

Side-splitting in its majestic ineptitude, and amateurishly played by a cast of nobodies(unless your notion of "star power" applies to Lynne Marta, a LOVE BOAT-type 70s TV personality, and quondam girlfriend of STARSKY AND HUTCH actor David Soul), HELP ME, I'M POSSESSED is a fire-breathing leviathan of rampageous celluloid bilge which deserves far greater esteem as one of best of the worst.

6/10. Recommended.

"I have to admit, when I saw Mr Solov's body, I felt a definite sexual thrill." Dr Blackwood So here's an odd one...

A doctor has an asylum (not a castle) out in the desert somewhere, with a hunchback servant, mute chauffeur and a take Cat & mouse pair who live in harmony together.

It's reminiscent in its basic premise of the old Universal horrors of the 30's and Hammer Horrors. The 'castle' looks like it came flat packed from Ikea and the effects are just bizarre : bloody spaghetti wiggling in front of black screen?!

The patients are little more than medieval dungeon-dwellers and seem to be kept, tormented and tortured at the whim of the doctor and Igor.

Doctor Blackwood's theory is that he can latent extract evil from things and destroy it (as the Cat & mouse prove) ... so can "cure" his patients.

From there on in any semblance of proper plot or ideas behind it all seem to sort of, well, go mad.

Watchable but ridiculous.

I don't like to rush to judgment, but sometimes movies make it woefully easy to do so. From the moment this begins its production values are so extraordinarily low that it seems unfair to any other given work to draw comparison. Just as much to the point, it becomes necessary to actively restrain oneself from flying off the handle with effusive, bewildered, profanity-laden criticism of the writing, direction, and acting. I'm not inclined to doubt the earnestness of anyone's effort, mind you, but that just makes it all the more sad that their capabilities are sorely lacking. I plainly recognize how hard some folks are trying, and sometimes their contributions produce reasonably appreciable results. "Sometimes" and "reasonably appreciable" don't get us very far, however, and the simple truth is that "Help me... I'm possessed" is a rough ride from the very start. It's not entirely rotten, but the entertainment to be had here is vanishingly little.

There's no aspect of the film that doesn't suffer from the low skill level of the participants. Some individuals, and some odds and ends, irregularly come off better than others, but that's unfortunately about the best that can be said. Nearer the upper end of the spectrum of quality one might cite actors Dorothy Green and Lynne Marta, the somewhat atmospheric music and sound effects (even though they are sometimes misused), the chief filming location, and the production design and art direction. Commonly inhabiting the lower end of that spectrum, there's not only Charles Nizet's direction and all facets of Bill Greer and Deedy Peters' writing, but also much of the rest of the acting, including that of Greer and Jim Dean; the editing, and the cinematography; and even the lighting. Even making allowances for a low budget quite insults amateur filmmakers of subsequent years, who have sometimes achieved great things with even less resources at their disposal.

There are workable ideas here, perhaps, but they are mostly treated poorly in the screenplay, and maybe even more poorly in execution. In a diminutive runtime we're more than halfway through before we're greeted with one sequence - only one - that comes off fairly well in its entirety. In the last twenty minutes or so it seems that the picture is building toward a sinister reveal, but the payoff only feels like half a thought, and is far less than fully convincing. In fact, the last stretch including the climax might be the sloppiest portion of all, in every regard, and to be frank I'm just not sure what Nizet, Greer, or Peters thought they were doing. From top to bottom 'Help me... I'm possessed' is a mess, and that some scattered tidbits find more success than others seems like a stroke of pure luck more than the result of the effort anyone applied. I guess I'm glad for those who get more out of this than I did, but I'm not sure how they manage to do so.

My recommendation is to just not ever bother with this in the first place. Only those with inexhaustible curiosity could have any motivation to watch, and for as floundering as the whole is with scant, minor exception, the feature just isn't worth anyone's time.

Help Me... I'm Possessed (1974)

** (out of 4)

After a couple bodies are discovered the local sheriff goes to visit Dr. Blackwood (Bill Greer) who is running a sanitarium with his wife (Deedy Peters). Even though the doctor is acting suspicious there's nothing the sheriff can do. However, what the doctor is really up to includes a basement full of torture devices as well as woman chained up.

HELP ME... I'M POSSESSED is a film that not too many have heard of and that's somewhat too bad because this is certainly a bizarre little film that is worth watching if you're a fan of those no-budget drive-in films that are sadly no longer made. If you're looking for some sort of art film or Oscar-winner then you can obviously skip this.

What makes the film work is the fact that it is campy in all the right spots and that includes the lead performance from Greer. He plays the type of mad scientist that we've seen countless times over the years and he so fun doing it that you can't help but enjoy the character. It certainly doesn't hurt that you've got some really nutty scenes in the basement where a lot of the fun comes from.

This fun includes a lot of ladies either chained to the wall or stuck in cages. You've got some very silly and over-the-top scenes where the women are being tortured and in a lot of ways this reminded me of BLOODSUCKING FREAKS, which was released a few years after this and pushed the subject matter to the extreme. The ending is also pretty wild in its own way.

With all of that being said, there's no doubt that there are plenty of flaws including the pacing of the picture but at the same time it does well enough for what it was trying to accomplish.