Phantom Brother

People who eat gourmet all their lives would mostly likely be put off by junk food, just as people who watch nothing but Bruckheimer films will be unsure of what to make of this (because they're stupid). Yes, this is shot on video. My God, no. How dare people make a movie within their means. Blasphemy. This is all very shocking stuff to the A-movie layman, I'll bet, but as someone who has seen a lot of super low-budget features, I liked it a lot. Most won't appreciate it, but the cinematography is above-par, in comparison to a lot of the pieces of crap out there. The acting is good by any standards. And the plot is funny, clever, and compelling. No, it doesn't look like Scream 7, but as far as slasher parodies go, you could do much worse. If you actually happen upon this somewhere, please rent it/buy it/take it out of the free bin. It's worth the time.

Two annoying long-haired teens who look like they belong on-stage with Warrant, and their two girlfriends (in stone washed jeans) are attacked when they travel to a "secluded" house out in the sticks. The place is home to a deranged, ghostly family (masked brother, giggling pale-faced Girl Scout sister and fat, twitching mother) that were killed in a car crash. A surviving human brother tends to the house, cleans up the bodies and blood and has an overacting, beer-guzzling, white trash adoptive family that want his inheritance to contend with. A movie crew shooting "Vampires on Valium on Valentine's Day" also become victims.

There's some gore (electric saw, butcher knife...), a topless scene, lots of juvenile humor and voice-over narration in this silly, very dumb shot-on-video effort with better lighting, music and sound than most similar effort. It's a very rare tape and only worth searching for if you're an 80s horror completist.

There are so many things wrong with this movie that it's hard to know where to start. Here are the basics: it looks terrible, like it's filmed on a home camera, and it's not "The Blair Witch Project", the plot is stupid, the lead is ugly, it doesn't make any sense, and, worst of all, I spent two dollars on it. That is so not cool. Also, it's not funny and I could have been doing something constructive with my time, like diddling on the computer. Oh Father Time, will you ever forgive me for my indiscretion? Movies like this make for bad karma. Very bad karma.

Phantom Brother is disgusting. Truly one of the worst movies ever made. It seems to me that this movie was filmed on a camcorder, due to the relentlessly horrid quality of the film, but perhaps I am wrong. No matter though this movie is disgusting. A man is living in a house in the woods, with three supposed phantasms. One is a nurse, the second a girl scout, and the third his Phantom Brother. Lord have mercy on the makers of this movie's souls. There is a family of hillbilllies looking for money, some people try to make a porno in the house in the woods, most of them end up dying bloodless deaths. The lack of any effects in this movie is horrible.

I'd like to sit here and bash this film, but, for some reason, I am thoroughly unable. No matter how bad this film is, and it is bad (even for SOV), it never fails to draw me back in. There are days I find myself thinking about this film for absolutely no reason (like right now), more often then not I find myself re-watching it. It is this fact that keeps me from giving it a full on one star and probably part of the reason I just can't hate too much on it. Something that can make a lasting impression, whether good or bad, is a testament to the energy that went into it and makes me fully respect the people that worked on it, even if they did turn out a pile. I'd even recommend watching it, if you keep an open mind you might not not enjoy it as much as I did.