Phantom Brother

This one has it all. Not really, but who's to say wherein true art lies? Not here. I mean, this is 'Phantom Brother' we are talking about. The veritable 'Citizen Kane' of the worst and most horribly gut-wrenching, stomach-churning, revolting pieces of irredeemable garbage ever made, but hey, who's counting? Other than that, it's a laugh a minute, or at least every fifteen? My recent comments for this little gem were apparently neglected, so I am re-submitting in the hopes that the 'Phantom Brother' will get its fair share of user comment by-lines. I mean, c'mon, last time I checked, 'Blood-Sucking Freaks' had fifty-two! If you are the kind of weirdo that would enjoy such a treat as this 'film,' and I mean that in the best possible way, then this is the one for you. It's so low-budget and mindlessly numbing to the higher orders of brain functioning, that I find it to be a combination of watching Grandpa Ralph's shaky home movies of drunk old people and accidentally getting your head stuck in the portable meat smoker. I liked it so much I went out and bought it and now I watch it every day. Not really, but just imagine it? I went to the best schools of higher education to write comments about 'Phantom Brother' at midnight. Just imagine that? The most touching scene in the film takes place when the split-personality plagued main character (for the life of me I can't think of his name at the moment) shares a meal with his 'Deliverance' foster family in their trailer that could either be a chicken coop or a bomb shelter. It will bring tears to your eyes. Rarely has cinema been so powerful. The acting and dialogue are so good that you can't understand a word the hillbilly family is saying. You just don't see quality or realism like that these days.

Arriving at an isolated cabin, a group of friends runs afoul of a demented family of psychos living in the house as well as the only sane member of the group living with another family wanting an inheritance of his and must try to keep everything in order to keep the different sides peaceful.

Although it has major flaws, this ended up being quite a decent enough slasher. One of the few fine parts of this one is the absolutely insane amount of cheesy antics on display throughout this one. The low- budget nature here gives this one a goofy start with the group playing around inside the house only to find the deranged group of psychopaths living inside which causes this one to launch into some rather fine low- budget material during the attack. Detailing the clean-up that takes place at the house afterward and their special relationship inside makes for some more goofy fun to occur here as the scenes of the group torturing their captive manage to provide some decent scenes. There's also some fun to be had with the family of psychos stalking those that come into the house, from the loner who breaks into the house to the assault on the film-crew that comes out of nowhere that adds to the cheesy overall charm on display. The finale is the big rush of action that manages to work in some decent attacks here, and based on the silly conclusion fits in with the rest of the film rather nicely as well as providing this with some nice purposeful laughs. While these manage to make the film enjoyable, there's still quite a lot of flaws on display. The main issue here which really hampers this one is the utterly incoherent and nonsensical storyline. This one manages to cram in way too many elements than what should be necessary, from the family of psychos still living in the house to the survivor living with the deceased father's best friend and his family to the film-shoot that shows up out of nowhere and the doctors arriving to reevaluate the released psychopath on the loose, among others also featured. Containing one or two of these story lines here would've made this one miles better with the streamlined focus here eliminating plenty of useless scenes that don't go anywhere. As well, that would've allowed time for the film to discuss some of the missing links in the story, as for how he managed to survive the actual incident to why she was there at the time and what the ghouls actually are based on the concept of the final twist that turns it all around. The most overwhelming flaw, though, is the utterly apparent low-budget look and quality to this one, from the location work to the costumes and just about everything here that makes this look so amateurish that very little can be done to overcome it. These hold it back so much.

Rated Unrated/R: Graphic Language, Graphic Violence, Nudity and a sex scene.

Two annoying long-haired teens who look like they belong on-stage with Warrant, and their two girlfriends (in stone washed jeans) are attacked when they travel to a "secluded" house out in the sticks. The place is home to a deranged, ghostly family (masked brother, giggling pale-faced Girl Scout sister and fat, twitching mother) that were killed in a car crash. A surviving human brother tends to the house, cleans up the bodies and blood and has an overacting, beer-guzzling, white trash adoptive family that want his inheritance to contend with. A movie crew shooting "Vampires on Valium on Valentine's Day" also become victims.

There's some gore (electric saw, butcher knife...), a topless scene, lots of juvenile humor and voice-over narration in this silly, very dumb shot-on-video effort with better lighting, music and sound than most similar effort. It's a very rare tape and only worth searching for if you're an 80s horror completist.

People who eat gourmet all their lives would mostly likely be put off by junk food, just as people who watch nothing but Bruckheimer films will be unsure of what to make of this (because they're stupid). Yes, this is shot on video. My God, no. How dare people make a movie within their means. Blasphemy. This is all very shocking stuff to the A-movie layman, I'll bet, but as someone who has seen a lot of super low-budget features, I liked it a lot. Most won't appreciate it, but the cinematography is above-par, in comparison to a lot of the pieces of crap out there. The acting is good by any standards. And the plot is funny, clever, and compelling. No, it doesn't look like Scream 7, but as far as slasher parodies go, you could do much worse. If you actually happen upon this somewhere, please rent it/buy it/take it out of the free bin. It's worth the time.

I was surprised to see that the IMDB actually listed this movie. Then the fact that people WATCHED IT and then felt the need to comment on it made me want to write this since I WAS THERE. So here's a little taste of almost everything you'd ever want to know about Phantom Brother. First, it's not my fault. I was only working on it. I was listed as the camera assistant, I was also the key grip, Gaffer, and ended up playing the part of the Director directing 'Vampires on Valium on Valentines Day.' Now this was made back in April of 1988. The Director, Bill Szarka was an editor back then cutting feature promo's (long form coming attractions) for a distribution company. My first job out of film school was working for him as an assistant editor. Bill wanted to direct a feature.

Back in the 1980's horror movies where still a lucrative proving ground for young directors. You didn't need much to make them, get a hot chick get her naked, throw some blood around with a half assed plot and start the screaming and you had a movie. We knew this from the stuff we were cutting. Bill knew a guy with video production company and he owned a Betacam, David the DP. David like any cameraman wanted to shoot, so he was fine with throwing in his equipment and some money. They got some other guy (he played a part of a head doctor) to throw in a little money and went off to shoot this thing. Bill got his buddy Joe Sante to write a script (there really was one when it started). Now at the time you had to laugh at the idea of making a MOVIE on videotape. It wasn't something that was really done back then. Most would opt to shoot in 16mm before going to tape. To hear them talking they thought they were going to revolutionize the low budget film worked by shooting on video. Now 15 years later it's funny looking at the products out there (still mostly crap) that are shot on Home video and being released in theaters. The movie went through a few title changes along the way one of which was called BLOOD BROTHER. As I said the movie actually started out with a script.

Well things change and most of the 'concept' evolved and was thrown out basically because it would have been too costly to shoot it all. The house in the film was located in Mamaroneck New York It was owned by the guy that directed a movie called DEADTIME STORIES. The house is also featured in the movie too. Bill had worked on that as an editor and that's how he got the house.

We were making it up as we went along. The movie took place mostly at night for the only reason as the first days of shooting went so long we finished about 2am. With having to have time to sleep we ended up starting the following days after 3pm and working all night.

The house that was the 'hillbilly house' was my grandparent's home. I knew my grandparents would let us do it there because it was one of the locations for many of my own student movies. Then a year later in the summer of 1989 this house & kitchen also shows up a in a 'real movie' called FRANKENHOOKER. My grandparents really wondered what I was up to in this business after that one. An old friend of mine from school was the girl playing the killer Girl Scout. She was also the costume designer and the prop and set decorator. Somebody had to do it. John, the lead, found the old Tuxedo jacket hanging in the closet of the house and decided to wear it. Nobody cared. You could pretty much do what you wanted. John and I joked all the time that he had NO IDEA what was happening and what he was supposed to be doing. He was just a struggling actor trying to get a few seconds of footage for a reel. The scenes with the film crew showing up is the only part I take credit for. It was done on the last day of shooting. What was supposed to happen in the script (the one tossed out for the most part) a rock band was supposed to show up and make a video during which they all get killed in exotic horror movie fashion.

Nobody bothered to cast a band. We had shot pretty much everything else that was to be in the movie when we came down to this scene. We stood around that morning (we actually shot during the day for this part) wondering what to do. It was my bright idea to have at film crew show up and get slaughtered. We were all wannabe actors. We proceeded to make up and improvise every thing that happens in that scene and it shows too. But it was fun to do. The whole experience was like going to camp for 10 days and being paid 75 dollars a day to do it.

So what happened after all that? Did we make money? Nope. Just what we got paid at the time. What about those involved? Bill directed a short called THE GODSON (Godfather spoof) that got him noticed in the festival circuit. Nothing came of that later. I haven't heard from him in 10 years. John, the star, is still working and just completed his own feature film CUGINI. I still work as a Camera Assistant on movies and commercials. The bright star to come off this movie is the Steadicam operator we had, Jimmy McConkey. (They gave him credit at the opening titles.) Jimmy is now one of the TOP steadicam operators in the country, his last big Job was 'ALI'. Just goes to show you that everybody has to start someplace.