Telling You

A few years ago, I went to the video store full of joy. The Matrix had been recently released and I was aching to see it again. My girlfriend of the time made me choose this instead claiming it was more the kind of thing we could both watch.

I have still never forgiven her. It has been six years.

The plot, as I recall, opens with a long anecdote about a scorned woman. It almost (but not quite) looks like it could be funny. Then the whole film becomes lazy and badly written. It has the feel of a really cheap novel, or something a teenager might write. There is little plot, little dialogue and less interest.

This is very poor film making, and I want those 90 minutes of my life back.

"All money hangin' out like a big ol' pimp!" If you've seen this movie, you'll probably remember this line. I love Matthew Lillard. But this movie was really bad! His parts were pretty funny, but the rest of the movie was just kinda thrown together. I didn't like it at all!

Saw this on Comedy Central last month. Some of it is downright silly but throughout there was something sad and honest about it. Facinelli and Mihok are great together. Scenes with the old man (who apparently is the Ancient Mariner of Coleridge's epic poem) are compelling but kind of seem out of place. Or maybe not- that's what I mean by weird. The movie has a confused leading character and the story doesn't exactly clear things up, but in a way, that's the point. The actors get to be outrageous but everyone knows these types of people so it's a believable world. Kinda reminds me of that idle time right after college, back at home, and not knowing what, if anything was going to become of life. Good parts, good ending, but it makes very amateur mistakes.

This movie is a pathetic waste of time, with a pathetic script, following pathetic characters. The two main characters are recent college graduates who ... are working in a pizza shop? If there was a plot here I didn't see it...basically a bunch of burnouts bumbling through life without a plan. If you're going to see a guilty pleasure high school movie, rent She's all That or Can't Hardly Wait (which, ironically, feature large portions of the cast from this movie). Those are much better done than this drivel.

Telling You (1999) Peter Facinelli, Dash Mihok, Gary Wolf, Jennifer Love Hewitt, Matthew Lillard, Gina Phillips, Jennifer Jostyn, Frank Medrano, D: Robert DeFranco. Two brother-like buddies (Facinelli, Mihok) get hard luck running the local pizzeria in this teen-comedy. Not even a good-looking cast can salvage this turkey from being worthless, boring, and plain as the nose on your face. Running Time: 94 minutes and rated R for language and brief sexual content. * ½