Sub Down - Verschollen in der Tiefe

This movie is just silly. I can't believe it took 3 people to write this. It seems like it was written by an 8th grader who had to turn in a paper for homework at the last minute. The external underwater shots look pretty cool, but otherwise the sets are super-cheesy, they look like they were made in someone's backyard. Bad script, bad acting, bad sets, bad bad bad. But when the director bails from his own movie what do you expect. After seeing this movie, I wouldn't ride with Stephen Baldwin in a golf cart, let alone a submarine. Side note: for some reason, this movie is shown on the USA network under the name "Submerged", which is actually a totally different (and better) movie.

The sets were atrocious. The inside of the sub looked like the inside of a giant metal tube decorated with anything they could lay their hands on. Supposed to be a nuclear sub? Look at "Search for Red October"; "Grey Lady Down" and other 'modern' movies for ideas about sets for nuclear subs. Other than that I rather liked the movie.

This film was a gagger. Why is it that the sailors here seem to be helpless? And the technical details; they must have been filmed like this for laughs. Green reactor coolant? A man dying from radiation exposure due to a coolant leak? Give me a break!

... They want you as a new recruit

And if that Village People anthem didn`t get you to sign up to join the navy what chance has SUB DOWN ? No chance really

There`s rather a lot of problems with this movie . One is having Stephen Baldwin as an action hero . Personally speaking I think Mike Baldwin from CORONATION STREET has a better than even chance of becoming an action hero , and according to folklore it`s bad luck to have a woman on a boat . Considering she`s played by Gabrielle Anwar that`s bad luck for the entire movie too not to mention the audience

But the thing that annoyed me was the script . Check this out : A trio of environmentalists get a trip on a nuclear submarine . The submarine crashes and the environmentalists have to save the day . Yeah I`m sure the US navy are so overjoyed about being asked that they`re going to allow a bunch of greenies on their ship , ( I`m sure the Pentagon have been overwhelmed by Greenpeace members asking if they can go to Iraq to do research into depleted uranuim ) though to be fair there`s a lot of environmentalists who`d like to be stuck on a sub with a lot of sex starved sailors , none of whom are female .

Oh and the script is terribly slow , it`s about a third of the way through before anything actually happens and until it does we have to put up with lots of techno-babble which will be of absolute no interest to anybody . It shows you how bad a movie is when you start wishing both a bunch of terrorists AND Steven Seagal would turn up to enliven the scenes

SUB DOWN is one of those movies that`s credited as having Alan Smithee as director ( ie the director didn`t want his real name to be listed ) but the director here can be forgiven for the most part since it`s obvious the budget - Like the script - wasn`t up to much , so the relatively unspectacular crash doesn`t deserve a tirade of criticism . The only thing the director can be blamed for ( Apart from casting Baldwin and Anwar - That goes without saying ) is a scene where a torpedo works loose and slides towards a sailor`s head , unfortunately the shot cuts away before you see his head get squashed . Oh well . I do congratulate the director for including a really funky tune in the opening credits because if it wasn`t for that I might have given SUB DOWN one out of ten but I`ll give the movie two out of ten

So my home-on-leave-from-his-submarine son and I sat down to enjoy a nice submarine movie directed by that fine technician, Alan Smithee. Seeing the apartment sized submersable that not only had plenty of room for the three civilians, but a hot tub and sauna.

OK, OK, not the hot tub. My son quickly asked for a piece of paper to list the technical errors he noticed. Soon he asked for another piece of paper, then another. Starting with the incorrect hull numbers on the boat, to the CO's tee shirt (with writing on it), to the showers -- the woman used enough water for ten men to shower for a week, not to mention the green coolant and the reacter starting like an old flathead Ford, my kid stopped counting at 65 errors.

Fo me, I like to kick back and enjoy movies without nitpicking. I can overlook minor mistakes. I know reality when I see it. My favorite part is when Stephen Baldwin finds and repairs the cause of the boat's crash dive to the bottom. A loose battery cable! One touch and everything works! Thank goodness for Diehard!