Speed 2: Cruise Control

"Speed" was a surprise hit movie. While it cost about $30,000,000 to make, it made back more than four times the cost. So, some Hollywood executives (with a collective IQ similar to that of a gerbil) thought...'if we do a sequel, we must spend $120,000,000 on it because THAT is why the first movie was such a success'. Not surprisingly, the movie tanked and it somehow has made it to IMDB's infamous Bottom 100 list--the 100 worst ranked major releases of all time.

In the original, Keanu Reeves and Sandra Bullock work to prevent a bus from exploding and killing folks. Now, because this is an overbloated sequel, they've placed the story aboard a cruise ship...which is also out of control and will kill everyone unless our heroes save it....though this time Reeves refused to reprise his role. So, they cast the rather bland Jason Patric in the lead...who offered little improvement other than he was very good at using sign language in one small scene.

How bad is this film? Well, not bad enough to be on the Bottom 100 list. So why is it on the list? After loving the first film, so many folks expected more of the same...and got nothing but a dull overblown action picture with little in the way to interest viewers....and I think THAT is why it made the list....because it disappointed so badly. Instead, I wish IMDB had a list for films with the worst ratio of cost to enjoyability of the film...in which case "Speed 2" would easily make the top 100.

By the way, this sequel ended up spending nearly as much for ONE crash scene as the budget for all of "Speed"! And, after paying $11,500,000 just to obtain Sandra Bullock for this film, you can only assume that the film simply had nothing left to pay competent writers. Instead, I assume, they hired some penguins to write the script....some very, very dull and untalented penguins!

Speed. the first movie wasn't that bad, and so the other day I decided to watch speed 2, which appeared on television here. (god knows why) After 2 minutes I realized why Keanu didn't accept the role for this second part. The entire movie is filled with extremely bad timed jokes and unrealism beyond recognition... The killer being sandra bullock chainsawing open a fire door with people trapped behind that door (as if there wouldn't be an emergency handle, and what the **** is a chainsaw doing near the cabins?!?) After completing this task sandra keeps the chainsaw in the opening she just made. the people look at her and say she has to get out of the way with the chainsaw. she looks back, doesn't respond. They have to ask AGAIN and then she's all like: "oh oh oh, yeah yeah yeah yeah, sorry sorry sorry." taking another 5 minutes to apologize before she finally removes the roaring blade....

another great feature about this movie is the fact that people have to die 4 times before actually dying, or other impossible things that somehow the actors can make possible with their magic wand or something. a nice example: **** SPOILER **** The bad guy (i didn't even bother remembering his name) is flying one of those water planes. He isn't really paying attention as he flies over an oil tanker and hits the mast with a speed over 50 mph at minimum... Instead of crashing down or getting hit off course, nooo... the plane instantly stops and gets stuck at the top of the mast. The bad guy naturally hasn't a scratch. Then suddenly the plane decides to explode, taking the entire oil tanker with it. Of course there couldn't be any safety measures on board, since oil isn't flammable at all.

anyway my conclusion is that speed 2 is a blown up piece of poo, and should have never been made. this is one of those movies just to get people in the seats, leaving them to die of boredom in the theatre. (and was probably a career killer for sandra bullock, too....)

Now I liked Sandra Bullock in the original Speed. I even liked her in that film where she went into a beauty pageant. But in this monstrosity, I just wanted to slap her repeatedly and say "What are you doing!?"

She is just dire. Not in acting (well... any more than usual, anyway) but just in the way her character made you want to shake her until she regained some sense. Whoever was responsible for the script needs a good beating here. Unless I am completely mistaken, her character between the events of the first film and this one, turned into a complete and total airhead bimbo.

Add in Jason Patric (who will never be leading man material) and it seems that only Willem Dafoe was having any fun. Truly awful!

But it is good to see that ocean liners, which may have to weather tropical storms, apparently have windows made of glass so easy to break that anyone can hurl themselves through them on a whim. Priceless cinema.

Avoid this one if you liked the original.

Avoid this one if you expect a thrilling sea drama.

Avoid this one if you like Sandra Bullock.

Avoid this one if....well....just avoid it.

Let the screenwriters and director go down with the ship I say. As the sun sets slowly in the West, Speed 2: Cruise Control sinks without a trace. The sequel to 1995's surprise drive-a-bus hit has barely caused a ripple at the box office. The threadbare script is mostly to blame. It consists almost entirely of simplistic, exclamation-point dialogue like, "We're gonna crash!" "We're going too fast!" "Do something!" "This isn't happening!" "We gotta get him outta here!" "There's not much time left!" and the ever useful, "Oh, s**t!"

There is, indeed, not much time left for characterization or interpersonal drama. Speed 2 gets off to a winky-dinky start with Sandra Bullock taking yet another disastrous driving test. Bullock's natural charm can go only so far, however, and you keep wanting to throw her a life preserver or a new script. As people drop dead around her, she must continue to whine about the ruination of her vacation. Bullock doesn't get a lot of help from blandish co-star Jason Patric, who plays her cop boyfriend. The nasty, computer-literate villain, who likes to attach blood-sucking leeches to his body, is certainly quirky. Willem Dafoe, who's pretty quirky himself, does what he can with the overriding vagaries of his character's mad-bomber motivation. The action bits are fairly frequent, but seem anemic when compared to what else is available to fans of such. Director Jan De Bont fared much better in 1996 with the flying cows and funnel clouds of Twister. Speed 2 ends up with some highly anticipated destruction as the cruise ship plows into the island of St. Martin. No matter, as I hear the whole thing was computer-generated anyway. This cruise is no carnival, and could have used a cameo by Kathie Lee. Would loved to have seen Dafoe slap her around a bit.

The enormous success of "Speed" in 1994 could only create a (poor) sequel. The less we can say is that the scriptwriters have got a great narrow-mindedness. Here, the bus was replaced by a cruise ship and the movie doesn't work, partly due to this: a cruise ship can't go as fast as a bus even if it's trapped.

Then, Keanu Reeves' absence can terribly be felt. His replacement is so colorless and listless that Sandra Bullock almost steals the show from him. Moreover, as a rule, "Speed2: cruise control" is supposed to be a suspense film. Well, in this case, where's the suspense? The filmmaker doesn't succeed in creating the suspense and he even can't create a disturbing atmosphere. The end of the movie falls into the ridiculous when the ship is entering the dock and destroys everything in its path.

At the end: one of the worst sequels ever made.