Too Hot to Handle

The porn factory system mirrors Hollywood's Golden Age -cranking out innumerable, interchangeable programmers to fill a (now-long-gone) exhibitor craving for product. TOO HOT TO HANDLE is symptomatic of that, a haphazardly made junker that is all filler.

Top NYC talent like C.J. Laing, Annie Sprinkle and Bobby Astyr mislead the potential viewer into assuming some minimum of quality. Unfortunately, these name thesps clearly never turned down any acting employment offer, and this feature film is no different than making a stag loop.

What passes for a storyline is literally no more than a couple of running gags -unfunny and run into the ground. Laing is Kim, supposedly a model, who we discover is more of a nymphomaniac. Her famed oral skills are here diverted into a penchant for endless dirty-talk monologues about who she's just humped or some photo shoot.

Her mate (not clear if he's a boyfriend or hubby) Bobby Astyr is cast as Mr. Complainer, constantly yelling about how Kim doesn't do any housework and is unfaithful.

Film opens with Laing window-shopping on Times Square (for lingerie) when a Black dude picks her up. They go to a hotel room and while she blathers on about her day, all he wants to do is hump. A lively Chick Corea fusion number with Return to Forever accompanies this sex scene, and sets the stage for an entertaining all-pirated jazz score that far outshines the porn action.

Second scene has Astyr returning home on a rainy day, pouring out his troubles to family friend Annie Sprinkle. She is comforting and quite appealing in a very friendly guest shot. After his ejaculation on Annie's breasts, we fade up to C.J.'s arrival home, and there is a harsh jump-cut from Annie speaking to the next, unrelated scene, either an omission in the Something Weird Dragon Art Theater (Vol. 128) print, or mere sloppiness by the filmmakers.

Scene three is C.J. masturbating, joined by a nondescript, no-name actor who humps her. Fade up again to Astyr returning and getting angry at finding a man in his bed. He goes to visit Candy (unsuccessful Black performer Melva Jackson, whose only other feature credit was also for HANDLE director Ralph Ell), who comforts him, mixed-combo style.

A track from Andrew Hill's 1968 fusion Blue Note LP "Grass Roots", featuring Booker Ervin and Lee Morgan, accompanies and overwhelms this boring sex scene. Filmmakers only steal from the best here.

Astyr has a nightmare in which he's all chained up and Laing is dressed as a dominatrix, whipping him. It's not exactly a nightmare, as she follows up with her patented deep throat technique on the lucky guy.

Still in Candy's arms, he has a second nightmare in which he stabs Kim and the no-name white boy with a large knife. No gore is shown, this is all play-acting stabbing. When he wakes up, he declares to Candy that he's got to kill Kim. Film ends with Astyr returning home, grabbing a butcher's knife in the kitchen and laughing maniacally. That's it, leaving the viewer to conjure up whatever, in the manner of a crappy Michael Haneke finish.

This was written and directed by Ralph Ell, who also served as production manager -an unusual hyphenate combo. I'm guessing his phony name was based on the legendary INVISIBLE MAN novelist Ralph Ellison, but even Harlan Ellison couldn't make sense out of this junk passing for a movie.

More telling credit is Leonard Kirtman handling the photography and likely the real instigator (no producer credit listed) of this drivel. Ell, Kirtman and C. Davis Smith (here the editor & operator) teamed on one intriguing project, a gay SHERLOCK HOLMES featuring Zebedy Colt, which the Earth has seemingly swallowed up.