Debbie Does Dallas III: [The Final Chapter]

One of the sloppiest feature films I've viewed in years, this prematurely "final" cash-in on the hit title merely reflects the triumph of marketing and hype over quality. I didn't like the original movie when it came out, and the many follow-ups are merely redundant.

The scenes in this edition display zero continuity as assembled, most of them qualifying for "extraneous sex scene" status. Bambi Woods, the one-trick pony star of the original returns and introduces the movie, discussing the project with a producer and then providing some voice-over narration and meaningless solo footage of her riding a horse, emerging September Morn-like from a pond, but not having sex until the final reels.

There is no story or real characters, just some references back to earlier editions, such as R. Bolla humping a woman in the first sex scene and Ron Jeremy extremely tiresome talking a mile a minute to fill dead air as a coach who later gets to have group sex with 2 cheerleaders (Kristara Barrington and Joanna Storm) and Jay Sterling.

A sexual initiation scene for young virgin Jerry Butler with a beautiful busty brunette is tossed in, and his character's name is Michael (what she calls him) while sloppily Bambi in voice-over introduces him as Jerry.

I noticed in the end credit that director "Adele Robbins" (vet Joe Robertson of Ed Wood infamy) gets a post-production supervisor credit, evidence that this junker was merely random footage cobbled together.

It's a surprise to me that I'm reporting my thoughts on the conclusion of the original Debbie Does Dallas franchise with positivity. Given the noticeably lower production values of the franchise's sequels and the middling legacy each film left I could only anticipate mediocre affairs with part two and three of the series.

Debbie Does Dallas III: The Final Chapter, however, is not a mediocre affair; in fact, it's a pretty successful one, funny, erotic, unpredictable, and gleefully messy in its editing. This kind of environment and feeling brings a warm, fuzzy rush of nostalgia -a welcoming boost of the golden age of an industry that could be relied on for more than a quick masturbatory fix but a real fix for entertainment.

The film stars Bambi Woods, once again, reprising the role of Debbie Benson. That's the extent of the plot. The storyline basically follows another football teams, its cheerleaders, and their horny, sexual escapades. Consider two cheerleaders who wander out to the middle of a grassy plain with one commenting how her skirt rubs against her crotch. The two proceed to lie on a blanket and awaken each other sexually. At first, I was bored at this particular scene after about ten minutes, as it seemed to drag on and on, never reaching a potential climax (no pun intended). It isn't until then I realized this scene is supposed to span the course of the entire film, with the camera occasionally cutting to exposition, dialog, or even another sex scene.

I can't complain, though, as the particular scene is quite entertaining, for more reasons than young, naked people having sex on a blanket in the middle of a field. For one, director Joseph F. Robertson employs different angles during the sex scene and writer Diane Stevens (first time I can remember seeing a woman pen the screenplay for a pornographic film) scripts some very entertaining dialog during the sex scenes. Consider when Jerry Butler joins the girls, making the scene a threesome before the football coach (Ron Jeremy) joins the party. His efforts only lead to Butler stating, "Gee, coach, I never knew you had it in you - or her!" Even when the girls are alone, Stevens exercises some pretty kinky dialog, a feat that makes the film's technical shortcomings, editing mishaps, and clunky voiceovers something less of an intrusive problem. Perhaps all the series needed was a new director and writer.

The remainder of the sex scenes click, but few like the lesbian sex-turned-orgy that carries out during the film. Because of this, it's surprising to state that Woods' scenes are kind of underwhelming. In the beginning, the film adopts a strange, meta-attitude, briefly interviewing Woods on her roles in the previous films before commencing with this third part (which, minus the intro, makes the film less than seventy minutes). Her sex scene, which concludes the picture, however, is mostly entertaining, despite a narration by Woods, which loses its intimacy and ability to arouse after about three minutes.

Moreover, the biggest mystery of the Debbie Does Dallas trilogy is what happened to Woods herself, who only appeared in the three films of the series along with another random pornographic film before fading into complete obscurity. Lengthy research on Woods, on my behalf, has led to numerous dead-ends and inconclusive findings that may indeed be contradictory. For example, a magazine from the mid-eighties reports Wood died of a drug overdose soon after the release of this film, although a private investigator hired to track the woman down received a letter allegedly from Woods stating that she resides in Iowa attempting to live a quiet-life as a homemaker and a mother. There's not even confirmation on her name, as director Clark admitted to assigning the name "Bambi Woods" to the woman. How he didn't know he real upon ,meeting her is a mystery to me, but the only two names extensive searching has left me with are "Barbara Woodson" and "Debra DeSanto." This leads to nothing but me getting less sleep at night. Some porn stars leave the industry to advocate against its practices and its repercussions, some fully embrace their title until death, but few pull a "Bambi Woods" and fall of the face of the earth leaving nothing but stale rumors, a death rumor, and two potentially correct names.

On a final note, part three is not the end to the Debbie Does Dallas franchise. There exist many sequels and spinoffs, along with a TV series and a musical to go along with the original 1978 cult classic. I could theoretically keep going, watching Debbie do Wall Street, New Orleans, and dishes, and dive into further sequels that lack a subtitle and the original performer. However, I've already went to the web's darkest corners trying to find the first three installments just to get a taste of porn's most ubiquitous and frequent franchise in history. I had to view the third film on XVideos, the popular porn site along with the second on XHamster, which boasts a philosophy of "just porn, no bulls***." That's where I draw the line.

Starring: Bambi Woods, Jerry Butler, Joanna Storm, Kristara Barrington, and Ron Jeremy. Directed by: Joseph F. Robertson.

Basically, a pseudo-expose' in which adult actress Bambi Woods is the subject of a faux interview, frolics "on set", and provides linking narration for a series of clips suggesting the previous two movies were depictions of her real life.

The rumored background to this film's production is that Bambi Woods had already left the industry and "DDD" creator Jim Clark enlisted Joseph Robertson to piece together a film from some unused Woods footage; believed to have been pulled from an abandoned project, titled "Thundershine". The Ron Jeremy/Joanna Storm/Jay Serling/Kristara Barrington segment and Woods', previously unseen, soft-core scenes are the only new material, with the remaining clips consisting of reused "DDD2" and repurposed "Little Darlings" footage.

Ultimately, this proved to be the weakest entry in the original series. The film fluctuates between Woods' 4th wall addressing of the viewer, 3rd wall "on the set" interactions, and 2nd wall clip narration in a muddled and contradictory fashion; sometimes she's "Debbie", turned adult actress Bambi Woods, other times she's Bambi Woods playing the role of "Debbie". The frequent cutaways fail as a story-line device, often seeming forced or out of place. Adding to this disjointed feel, Woods is obviously "not in a clear state of mind", slurring and flubbing much of her dialog. Had this simply been Bambi Woods presenting a compilation of clips, the film may have worked. Instead, they attempted to create a relatively cohesive expose' out of a collection of seemingly random footage, resulting in a documentary/vignettes/reality/fantasy hodgepodge which is merely riding the coattails of the "Debbie Does Dallas" franchise.