Burial of the Rats

A really schlockie TV movie. Bram Stoker helps a bunch of Bimbos who're into rats kick butt on all guys. Bram Stoker. No kidding. Adrienne Barbeau is the Queen of the Rat Gals.

While this 1995 movie is based on a Bram Stoker short story, then it doesn't automatically ensure that it will be a successful or interesting movie. And "Burial of the Rats" is not a particularly interesting movie, for sure.

There is only one reason for picking up this movie, and that is singlehandedly because of Maria Ford. Yes, the queen of B-movies is the main attraction in "Burial of the Rats".

The story told in "Burial of the Rats" is about young aspiring author Bram Stoker who is taken captive by a band of amazon-like women when he kills one of the women in order to save his elderly father. Being accepted into the sisterhood, Bram has to write about the amazon's exploits and raiding, in order to instill dread in the hearts of men. And the leader of the sisterhood is capable of controlling rats by the usage of a wooden flute.

Really? Yeah, that is what I thought too! It was just not very interesting, and the transition from short story from 1896 to a movie wasn't particularly exciting or captivating. I think this would have fared so much better had it stayed as a short story.

The acting in "Burial of the Rats" was as to be expected from a movie of this type, so don't get your hopes up. You know what you are getting right from the very beginning.

The choice of having a lot of scantily clad women does not make for a good movie. But I am sure there is an audience for this. And it seemed nothing more than a chance for director Dan Golden to show off semi-naked women. I just personally prefer something else from a movie. And the sex scene was so unnecessary, and it just sleazed up the movie unnecessarily.

However, the soldier costumes were quite good and did seem fairly authentic. So that at least deserves a thumbs up.

There is even some good laughs to be had throughout the movie. I was laughing a lot because of the rats and the way that they managed to consume all flesh and soft tissue of their victims in mere seconds, literally stripping the people to the bone. It was just hilarious.

When it comes to it, then "Burial of the Rats" is a less than mediocre movie, and it wasn't particularly entertaining.

Bram Stoker and his father are travelling by horse and carriage, when hooded robbers attack them. Mr Stoker manages to escape, but Bram is taken hostage. They take him back to their hidden lair, where they are revealed to be man-hating women who prefer the company of rats than men. After surviving the tortuous ordeal because of one of his captors. Bram is asked to write down their bold exploits, so that they would become a feared bunch amongst men.

T & A, T & A and T & A… oh yeah, you got dirty rodents as well (supposedly hundreds, no thousands). This cheap made for TV Corman production is downright seedy and all about showing a stunning flock of women in very revealing outfits. If they're not venting out their anger towards men, they're dancing about topless for their queen's pure entertainment. Oh joy! How true is it to Bram Stoker's short story? I wouldn't have a clue, but I think it would be far from it. What might have been a classy Gothic tale descends into pure b-grade schlock, but like you would hope, it keeps it lively and fun. For this type of film it's mostly well made and has some not so good (rats getting the munchies and gnawing down their meals in no time) eye-boggling scenes mixed in with bloody slaughtering, cheesy combat and titillating bidding's. Sleaze hounds will be in heaven. Cue gratuitous soft-core activity now. The way the kinky story is staged, it feels like a tame porno crossed corny exploitation. Looking at the cast and Adrienne Barbeau's name sticks out like a sore thumb. What's she doing here… maybe needed the extra doe? But she tremendously hams it up as the Victorian laced Queen of the vermin. Her divine presence chews up the scenery without losing an ounce of dignity. Hows that?! Though her fashion stylist went bananas with that ever-changing hairstyle! The rest of the performances (made up of mostly Russians) are plain stiff, but there are definite beauties lurking. A fairly tempting Maria Ford is easy on the eyes and Kevin Alber steadily chips in as Bram Stoker. Somewhere there about are Linnea Quigley and Nikki Fritz in extremely minor appearances as rat women. The script was filled with banally leaden dialogues and maybe concentrated on that aspect too much. A standard production is on show, but the clammy sets are well adjusted. Intrusive photography (peeping tom in rat vision) and an overbearing music score lashes out. Dan Golden's direction is simply by the numbers and the absurd screenplay is glaringly feisty and heavily plotted. Plotted? Of course, but you know its still rubbish.

How bad? Real bad. This embarrassingly cruddy and inane trash entertains in a ridiculously senseless sort of way. Only true aficionados of low-grade camp should bother seeking this one out.

The movie was rented by a friend and myself for a bad movie night. I am glad to say that our hopes were quite fulfilled in this regards. Whether it be the execution on the out of tune rate, unclothing of the evil rat women, or strange antics within the movie. The best part of the movie was when a guard had to remove a hat in order to recognize Stoker.

I was flipping through channels on night at 9:00(not the best time of day for BotR but it fit in my schedual well). And I came upon this scene in a film where some hot women are torturing this Englishman. I am semi-glad that I stopped for it. The gore effects (like the hand being cut off and the rats getting fat off of what was a priest (so unholy!). Then there's the nudity, The hot black haired girl in the changing room, ect. But the plot is non-existant ofcoarse, and when the women were swordfighting, it looked like the swords weighed 100 pounds, they moan audibly loud each time they make a swing. A mixed bag with major pros and major cons. Good luck seeing it though...I saw it on sho-time oddly enough.