Feuchte Zone L.A.

Wow...this was a dumb movie. Now to be fair, my expectations are never high when I am preparing to watch an erotic thriller, but this was lame even compared to most films in this genre. The plot is practically nonexistent, and what little story there is happens to be painfully bad. Therefore, the only reason to watch this film is for female flesh. But, even if you're THAT desperate to see oodles of nudity, I can only hope that you keep your finger close to the fast-forward button, because this film is just plain awful.

Tons of fake boobs can't even save this movie. Yeah, they helped get through this disaster of a "vampire" movie. In my opinion a vampire movie should have a few things. One of them being scenes were we actually see the vampire biting someone. We are only given the impression that happens in this movie.

I rented this on DVD, titled MORGANA (for what reason I am still clueless, no one is named Morgana). Blonde Heaven is the type of movie that...well, I don't know. I suppose some guys could you it as a masturbatory tool. Or some women could get off checking out the really buff guys. Well, anyway all that aside, this movie is just a bunch of poorly done sex scenes strung together among a few ridiculous scenes that try to be a vampire flick.

What of the back story? Ilyana is searching for her lost love, Vincent. Supposedly, this stupid Hick girl from Oklahoma, with a really, really bad accent, is a face double for him. Um, okay! Well, of course lesbian action ensues.

The beginning scene with the blonde in the shower...so they bid on her and the winner got to bite here? And what was with them grabbing at their heads? Was Ilyana sending some psychic wave to injure them? This is never explained.

Poor acting, lots of boob, naked women, naked men, no plot, bad sound, under-developed script...I don't know what else to say. The sex scenes were so tepid, they wouldn't have aroused anyone, in my opinion. I did, however, find them to be very racy for an R rated movie. Doggie style must be the preferred method by vampires.

The opening with Julie Stain boffing some guy was different. Movies normally don't start like that...well, porno's maybe.

overall this was a dumb movie that just wanted to show flesh.. Which is cool, but come on.

Now, don't get me wrong...as a red blooded male, I did appreciate the X-rated treatment the naked women rec'd. I'm not too big on silicon, but boobs is boobs...and boobs is nice to look at!

David DeCoteau isn't known as one of the great B-movie directors but he sunk beneath his own lowest levels with this one. In addition to what everyone has said, may I add that one scene of Julie Strain undressing was done in extreme long shot whereas every time one of the guys was nude, his butt was shoved in our faces. What up with that!? However it was nice to see, as Joe Bob Briggs might say, some gratuitous naked Michelle Bauer for old times sake. If this is the new Full Moon Pictures I say bring back Phil Fondacaro and the Puppet Master.

An horrible skin film, void of any redeeming value, other than a few assorted beauties (most of them not even blonde), who wander through this movie without any clothes on. Story is ridicolous. There are at least two scream queens (Julie Strain and Michelle Bauer), but even the fans of the horror movies will be bored by this Blonde Heaven.

Director DeCouteau should have the courage to make real porno movies, not absolutely vain exercises in simulated sex like the several ones he made for Full Moon and other companies.

A pity.

I've always been a fan of Julie Strain, but finding a decent title of hers is not easy to do. No shortage of roles getting naked, but try seeking out a dtv flick where she's center stage that isn't awful. 'Blonde Heaven' looked to be another subpar T&A pic that I wasn't going to bother with until I started reading into it. Those details I'll get into below, but let's just say in hindsight they didn't warrant giving this a go.

A cabal of vampires in LA run a modelling and escort agency called "Blonde Heaven" with Illyana (Strain) at the head of the table. Aspiring actress and small town girl Angie (Raelyn Saalman) comes seeking a career with ex-bf Kyle (Alton Butler) in tow. She takes a meeting with them and Illyana is immediately drawn to her feeling a lifeforce flowing thru Angie that reminds her of a long lost love. Meanwhile Kyle meets a vampire hunter who tells him about what's really going on there.

Filmed in 1995, given it's tv premiere with word Paramount was gonna distribute it on video before those plans (disagreements over content) saw it lay dormant until 2001. Now retitled 'Morgana' it's given a DVD release that also see it edited down to an R rated version. Thanks to an internet kind soul, I was able to view the "Unrated Director's Cut" that apparently aired on television back in Oct '95.

Genre names like Monique Parent and Michelle Bauer put in roles and show their stuff, but its all severely underwhelming. Didn't expect a stellar story, but the one here is very heavily a bore. Worst of all it's female nudity, sex scenes don't bail it out. For what is supposed to be the "unrated" version things never get real hot. One or two shots of muff, but mostly the usual. Nipples being sucked on and implied oral is hardly super steamy.

'Blonde Heaven' planted the idea it would deliver nicely when Julie got naked and banged during the opening credits, but everything after was a steady plunge downhill. Boobs, butts and more than a few muscular dudes shown off (director David DeCoteau is gay), but not enough of a reward for sitting through its poor story on the low budget spectrum.