Bullet Down Under

I had to watch this movie, because at 59 years old, and being a former Aussie Rules fan, and a bit of Tappet Head who loves the old XB coupes, I hadn't heard of this movie until a few days ago. I just had to check it out.

Well, besides it having some nostalgic Aussie cars being probably the most talented actors in the cast, I can't say much more.

The characters are wooden, the stunts overly contrived and predictable, and the plot is a mish mash of WTF?

I really wanted to like this movie because I kind of hoped it was going to be one of those little-known classic B-Grade Aussie detective/ car flicks.

Sadly, it's just cringeworthy to watch.

A particularly UNPLEASANT police investigation into an Australian female killer who specializes in male mutilations. Maybe NOW would like it. Vaguely reminiscent of "I Spit on Your Grave", but not nearly as bad or explicit (but bad enough). Beyond all that, there were improbable scenes, and the ending was rather unsatisfying. Watch this one, maybe on early morning TV, 5 AM or so, as a guilty pleasure. And then take a shower.

...is set in Australia, where sensitive US cop "Martin Bullet" is assigned as the partner of rogue detective Jack Morant (Jacko Jackson, if you can believe it!!) whose former partner was killed by a mystery professional with an earring. There's not too much that's new here, but it's intentionally bad, with hellish one-liners that'll have you groaning guaranteed, and just enough plot substance to make it watchable. I still can't get over Jacko...OI! 5/10

Some nice location photography in Sydney, Australia is the main thing that Bullet Down Under has going for it. Otherwise this is an Australian ripoff of some of our American police action flicks.

Christopher Atkins working in some kind of exchange program is an LA cop who kills a young kid during a shootout. It's left him both gunshy and looking for a change of scenery. It's to the Sydney PD he goes and he's partnered with Mark Jackson the local Sydney Dirty Harry.

Jackson is investigating a drug deal gone bad that's pitted Chinese and native Aussie drug gangs against each other. There's missing a whole lot of loot from said drug deal.

A surprising villain and the idea is plainly taken from the Charles Bronson film 10 To Midnight. Atkins and his encounter with the villain has some good moments.

But in the end Bullet Down Under is just Aussie caliber of our stuff.

Why is this movie funny, yet it's an action drama. Because Mark Jacko Jackson, in his mind, thinks he can act, and when he does, it's funny. He spouts lines like "Lady, people do get hurt" or with a snarl "Oh, you drink your milk off of a saucer, ya big pussy, now F off". But Jacko is the prime reason this B grade actioner, shot around Sydney, works. Partnered with avenging cop Jacko, is another lousy actor, Christopher Atkins, who at least, puts a little bit of character into his performance, than of normal. He plays Jacko's new sidekick, Martin Vale, who at first really bangs heads with his new partner, Jack (Jacko-what coincidence) go after the baddies who took down Jacko's mate. How cliché'd is this? The slow brother of a guy, an associate of the baddies, has a very important briefcase, that is worth killing for. He's hiding out near the wharfs, taking refuge in a warehouse west of the city centre. When the backward's brother's killed, older brother comes running scared. I think you can fill in the rest of the story. While not meaning to be, Signal One, is funny at the aspect of it being a weak movie, and a weak story to boot, with a real nasty scene near it's finale, that's gives it some bite, involving a female fetale (Virginia Hey-Mad Max 2, Prisoner) with scissors who Jacko goes home with. While she's making a better appetizer, our rather pathetic loner of a cop Jacko, thinks it's his lucky night. Truly, this is one of the funniest movie in the flick. When likable Atkins visits the fitness centre, Hey frequents, and asks the receptionist if she's seen his partner, she says, "Yes, I did. I thought it was really weird though". ATKINS: "Why?" RECEPTIONIST: "You ever get a look a him". I don't think, we ever found out if Jacko lives or dies either. While being a trashy movie, of poor quality, and acting from not only it's leads, Signal One, is still a entertaining popcorn/soda watch, with a thrilling car chase in it's starting, that gives it some other oomph. There are some scenes that are truly garbage, I can tell you, movie connisseur, that I am, like when a budding rock group invade the privacy of Mr Slow in that warehouse. But honestly the flick is worth it's view alone for Jacko, even though unlike Atkins, his character here, isn't that likable, or really, not that worth caring about.