Tiger Heart

This pathetic excuse of a film certainly has to be one of the worst I have ever seen. I just don't know where to begin with it. I spent the whole ninety minute praying the big-headed, annoying, arrogant Ninja Brat that is the main character would be killed. He was just so full of himself that there was nothing to like about him.

His geeky friend just let the Ninja Brat walk all over him and the girl was like Barbie Resurrected, complete with the plastic brain (she just sat there staring blankly when she could easily have escaped the bad guys). I did get a few laughs when Ninja Brat was shouting at the little kids in his karate class for not helping him and the fight scenes were so pathetic that if you didn't laugh, you'd just cringe in embarrassment for the cast.

I recommend this film be treated like a possible 'weapon of mass destruction', it will certainly rot your mind and leave you in a catatonic state of shock that such trash can actually be produced and be allowed to be aired on the screens of innocent people!

Now this is one utterly rancid turd of a movie if ever I've seen one!

I've just got to say it outright; The teen hero in this flick is without doubt one of the most loathsome, irritating, cocky little pieces of excrement ever to (dis)grace the screen! For a classic example as to why, just check out the sequence where said idiot takes on some of the bad guys in a shop. Before administering a beat down to the gormless fools our man.....erm, sorry boy, utters what must surely rank as one of the most veritably cringe inducing smart ass speeches ever committed to celluloid. To paraphrase our dolt karate kid wannabe it goes something along the lines that there's two things he hates, flat sodas and guys with tattoos (the head thug has one down his neck) - well, suffice to say my anal nerve almost gave out upon hearing such a crap piece of dialogue!

Don't get me wrong, I'm a huge fan of bad movies but this flick was frankly too horrific to bear and please don't even get me started on the utterly jaw dropping, atrociously crappy title song - Goddamit - To call it tacky would be to compliment it unduly!

Trust me on this, of all the Karate Kid rip offs I've ever seen, this my friends is without doubt the most mesmerisingly pitiful, nausea inducing, weightiest pile of faecal matter of the lot. Simply put, watch this flick and you to will guaranteed, feel the overwhelming violent compulsion to tear the hero's head from his scrawny body with your bare hands!

I got a kick reading some of the reviews on this site for this movie, namely the people complaining that this film gave them convulsions and so forth. On the contrary, this movie is so horrible that I was hypnotized. You could not pry my eyes from the TV set.

In any event, no need to describe the plot because it's too ridiculous to discuss. Let's just put it at this: a wanna-be karate kid dork fights gangsters working for a crooked real estate developer. Clichés and bad acting abound. Maybe my favorite was the character "Steve" who is another karate kid wannabe and has an inexplicable rivalry with the main character. (It would be more believable if Steve was actually cool. But nope, he's a dork too, so why no love?)

The "fight" scenes are anything but. It's the same one bad guy at a time procedure...kind of like a movie version of Streets of Rage for the Genesis.

Highlights: - Six-year-olds beating up musclemen gangsters. No really. - Jennifer Lyons and her two best friends (and I'm not talking about the girls the comic sidekick tries to hit on). - The random knife fight in the diner. - The comic sidekick's lame pick-up lines (so lame, I actually laughed). - The inexplicably evil real estate developer. - The stubborn uncle / convenience store owner who "ain't gonna let no one make him sell."

Why did I give it a 5? On one hand, it gets a 1 because sadly the director did not intend for this movie to be a joke. On the other hand, it gets a 10 for all the reasons listed above. So I picked the average.

You MUST see this movie. Preferably with a group of friends.

I recorded this movie on TiVo for my son, who finds Ted Jan Roberts movies to be hysterically funny because they are so bad. This movie beats all of his others for being really bad. The fight scenes are best played in slow motion to see just how horrible the choreography actually is. The lines are funny in a gut wrenchingly horrible way and at times I felt so embarrassed watching that I found myself often covering my eyes. You just can't help thinking how could someone actually write this screenplay. I don't know how the actors(if you can call them that) were actually able to even speak the lines in this crappy movie and keep any semblance of a straight face. Watch it if you want a laugh. My son won't allow me to erase it.

Oh no. I sat down to watch this as part of a martial arts weekend on UK tv expecting a high-kicking swift fight-fest, after all it was on at 11oClock at night! I was so horrified when I watched it - but like a car wreck I couldn't stop looking. There is nothing good about this - please avoid it like the plague.

Even if someone tells you it's so bad it's good - don't believe them - run for the hills and don't stop till you're sure it can't find you.