Geschichten aus der Gruft: Bordello of Blood

Blood, breasts, vampires and Chris Sarandon. How can you go wrong?

"Bordello of Blood," the second "Tales From The Crypt" feature film, supplies the viewer with ample amounts of all of the above, leaving room for little else. What it lacks in story, it more than makes up for in its cheap thrills, and as far as midnight guilty pleasures go, this one is about as good as it gets.

The story revolves around a good-girl (Erika Eleniak) whose delinquent brother (Corey Feldman) goes missing. Upon hiring a wise-cracking private detective, it is revealed that a local morgue is housing a brothel run by a gang of beautiful but deadly vampires. Armed with super-soakers full of holy water and with the help of a guitar-slinging reverend (Chris Sarandon), the two set out to put the joint out of business once and for all.

Dennis Miller is essentially playing himself, but keeps the humor pumping through the film's ridiculous premise. Chris Sarandon, likewise, is in top form as the genre hero he truly is. As mentioned before, there's plenty of bare-flesh and red-stuff to go around, and if that sort of thing is your bag, you'll have a blast with "Bordello of Blood." Take it for the cheap thrill ride it is.

Let's face it...this was a B-movie, Universal just put some more money into it. They massacred the vampire lore, but since this is a B-movie, it doesn't matter. Dennis Miller is hilarious as always; and what cheesy horror flick is genuine without Corey Feldman. The only discrepancy I have with this movie are the Cryptkeeper segments. They were just a remake of a Cryptkeeper segment from a TV episode. The only difference was that William Sadler was dressed up as the mummy instead of the Grim Reaper (a reprisal of his role in "Bill and Ted's Bogus Journey").

I don't have much of an opinion on this flick. Because what's there to analyze? Gratuitous violence. Gratuitous gore. Gross-out effects strictly for shock value. Gratuitous nudity and close-ups of big breasts. What we have here is a feminist's nightmare. What we also have is an absolute blast!!!

I'm sure women won't enjoy this as much and will probably b*tch about the overdose of female nudity, but for all you guys who just don't give a damn and just want to kick back and have a good time: You will love this movie!! This is like a mix of Wes Craven and Howard Stern. A supreme guilty pleasure!

I enjoy deep, artistically brilliant films like "American Beauty" and "Magnolia," but there's no reason I can't enjoy a campy, shallow, sleazy horror flick like this. I don't ONLY enjoy these types of flicks, but I can enjoy it as long as it's done in a fun, tongue-in-cheek, unpretentious manner. I just want to get that straight. OK, I'll go on. :)

Dennis Miller provides great comic relief in his lead role. Those who are fans of his schtick should look forward to this movie. The horror sequences, though sometimes cheesy, are great fun to watch. There's a spectacular sequence at the end with excellent usage of the song "Ballroom Blitz." There are other great classics like "All Right Now" and "Jailbreak." That's why I bought the soundtrack. It's awesome!

So this movie fits the "guy flick" stereotype like a glove. If you're not in the mood for excessive violence, gore and female nudity--don't watch this movie! Don't say I didn't warn you.

My score: 7 (out of 10)

Bordello of Blood-1996-Dennis Miller, Erika Eleniak, Chris Sarandon, Aubrey Morris, Corey Feldman, Angie Everhart, Phil Fondacaro, John Kassir(as the cryptkeeper) and William Sadler(as the mummy).

This is a very silly movie. After Katherine's(Eleniak) Gothic brother Kaleb(Feldman) goes missing, she calls on an investigator Rafe Guttman(Miller) to find him. The search ends at a whore house where he had gone earlier in the film. Chris Sarandon is so funny and over the top and really steals the show. He plays a crooked priest that sends sinners to their death at a bordello that Kaleb had gone to earlier. Angie Everhart plays the head vampire Lillith and is one of the worst actresses ever so lucky for you, she isn't in all that much of it, but she is in too much. The film has the minor subplot opening and closing of the cryptkeeper at a café with his old friend the mummy talking about how their tomb isn't big enough for the both of them.

My rating-6/10. rated R for nonstop nudity and sexual humor, strong language, some gory violence and a scene with some crude fart jokes.

Dennis Miller tries to stop a group of female bi-sexual vampires (led by the ultra-erotic Angie Everhart) who pose as prostitutes at a funeral home that acts as a front for a supposed prostitution ring. By the way, I am completely serious. "Bordello of Blood" is a crazed mess that is so hilarious because of its stupidity that it nearly becomes a deceptive winner. This is the second film of the mid-1990s from "The Tales From the Crypt" HBO series (the equally under-achieving "Demon Knight" was released in 1995). I personally like this picture a little more because it does not take itself too seriously and almost works better as a parody. However the film never rises from its very odd premise as its tone is unclear and the immensely funny situations are sometimes over-shadowed by very graphic violence and constant sexual situations. Arguably Miller's finest performance (go figure that one too) and the steamy vampires are not quite enough to keep "Bordello of Blood" from needing a shot for its STDs (Seriously Tedious Dilemmas). 2 stars out of 5.