Snowboard Academy

I thought previously I had seen the worst comedy of all time when I endured Going Overboard. Now I'm not so sure.

This movie has a storyline and script so inane it may cause you mental anguish. If you suffer from depression I urge you to avoid this like the plague as it's just possible it could send you over the edge. It's a comedy with no funny bits. In fact the writers come up with the woeful idea of a resort comedian whose act is completely unfunny. If there's one thing a comedy this bad doesn't need, it's an intentionally unfunny character. The unfunny comedian is portrayed by Jim Varney in a toe-curlingly horrible performance; although it's just possible that Varney is outdone by John Ross, who plays an uptight scheming skier in a performance that is so atrocious it's an instrument of evil. You know a movie is in trouble when the best acting comes courtesy of Brigitte Neilson and Corey Haim.

If you are a snowboarder or a skier I implore you to avoid the temptation of watching this atrocity. It is not a good advert for winter sports.

Me and my friends have a bad movie night and this is why I have seen this dreck. So as a public service I feel duty bound to warn other people to avoid this rubbish. I've watched it so you don't have to. If you absolutely have to watch this be warned that you will have more fun setting fire to your genitals.

This is essentially a slapstick farce in the vein of POLICE ACADEMY (they were all popular around then weren't they?) only it was made in 1996 and seems like a film from the '80s (that's how cheap the quality of the film is). It stars Corey Haim and Jim "Ernest" Varney (R.I.P.) but isn't funny at all, with revoltingly bad performances and "jokes." It's stupid, crude, unfunny and downright hard to watch at times. Saw it years ago on HBO, and don't plan to ever again.

This is the sort of movie that you wish could be burned. The plot (if there is one) is basically just a lot of chaos at a snowboard academy in the middle of nowhere - sort of like OUT COLD meets POLICE ACADEMY meets something else that's really dumb.

Don't bother. Please.

I have every Jim Varney film except for this one. Why? Because it is really Stupid This movie is painful the watch the jokes are stupid, Jim Varney is not even likable in this film. I wanted to give this on the benefit of the doubt and I am usually pretty liberal in giving good ratings on most films but this one was one of the few movies I sent to goodwill after viewing it. The jokes are crude as well.

This feels like a movie that tried to use Jim Varney to sell it when he only had a very small role. Then they pieced together footage of a bunch of snowboarders doing stupid things and then called it a movie.

Don't bother especially if you are a fan of Jim Varney. I don't consider this as part of my Ernest collection.

Shepphird's Snowboard Academy pays homage to early Stanley Kubrick films, such as Killer's Kiss, Paths of Glory and Ski Patrol. This time out, the stellar cast includes Joe Flaherty, Corey Haim, and Jim Varney (showing his range by NOT playing Ernest in this film). The sexual undertones are rampant, from Haim's coy galnces at anything in a skirt to Varney's poem, "I once knew a woman from Russia, whose butt was so big it could crush ya." Haim is refreshing to see here, fresh from whatever eighties movie he made before this one, playing the rebellious teen so convincingly, we almost believe he's apathetic. I don't think Alec Guinness was in this one, but if he had been asked, he undoubtedly would have turned it down.

Have you ever watched one of those movies where, after about 30 minutes, you realize that you really, really wish that the capable actors in it were in something a bit better written? This is one of those movies. Now, actors like Varney, Haim, and Nielsen are usually not given much in the way of regard but each is capable of a decent performance in a decent movie. We're not talking DeNiro or Kidman here, just actors capable of doing a decent job. Sadly, they get cast in utter crap like this. If you're a die-hard fan of these actors, it might be worth watching. If not, carefully put the video box down and back away slowly.

Matt