Hank, der freche Yeti

Amy Bristow (Chantellese Kent) has just found something cute and furry in her bedroom. Guess what? It's a yeti that her father accidentally brought back from Nepal in his backpack. No, not all yetis are giant size, in case you were wondering. Trouble is, there are two men who have also recently returned from climbing the same mountain and they have concluded that the yeti they were chasing has ended up in the Bristow family home. It seems a spoiled rich boy demanded a yeti and his father will pay the trackers a tidy sum for finding one. Can the bad boys manage to get the yeti back? No, this may not be a family movie to rush out and get at once. Still, this viewer found it an enjoyable watch. The actors are attractive and capable, the yeti is sweet looking, and the setting nice. Meat Loaf does a quality job as the main heavy. For those who like the unusual, stumbling across this film at the video store or library would be a good catch for family fun night, complete with popcorn and hot chocolate.

I only watched this to see just how bad it was and because it involved Meatloaf (RIP). Speaking of which, what the hell was he thinking when he signed on for this? I'm not at all surprised this took less than two weeks to film, because it completely shows.

Meatloaf plays a hunter named Big Jake Grizzly who is hired to catch a Yeti by an evil millionaire while accompanied by his dim-witted assistant, Blubber. The Yeti stows away aboard a plane, winds up in New York, is taken in by a suburban family and is named Hank by the daughter, Amy. Naturally, Grizzly and Blubber follow to continue their hunt and collect their payment while shenanigans ensue as Amy tries to send Hank home.

First off, the little Yeti puppet looks nothing like a Yeti and spoke volumes of the films crummy budget. He looked very cheap and unimpressive, as if he were a reject puppet made for a kids show from a decade prior, and his rat-like tail, and buck teeth made him look hideous. He hardly even moved by himself at all, and every sound he made was annoying. The rest of the effects were just as bad, with choppy editing and poorly executed slow/fast motion during the action scenes.

All of the actors are as wooden as 2x4s as they phone in their roles. Meatloaf himself couldn't save this movie and looks like he doesn't even want to be here. The other characters are either dull or as annoying as the Yeti, and worst of all was Wesley, the spoiled rich kid and likely future serial killer since he just wants the Yeti so he can abuse it.

Ultimately, this was an ET rip-off mixed horribly with the Yeti genre. I highly doubt even young children would enjoy this. Personally, I was bored to tears and couldn't even be bothered to watch anymore after the first half-hour, because that was more than enough to conclude that this film is trash and deserves its low rating.

In 1994, Meat Loaf fiercely attempted to end his acting career by playing Big Jake Grizzly, a hunter who tries to catch a yeti.

Okay, brace yourselves, here it comes: the mighty yeti is about 20 inches tall and looks like the furry result of a disastrous love affair between a Gremlin and a Monchichi. Yikes.

The Yeti escapes to the big city and hides out with an American family. The whole thing is of course reminiscent of E. T. and ALF... if you subtract the homesickness drama and all the humor. The frazzled teddy doesn't talk, he just stares super cutely. He hardly ever moves, just squats around or is carried. The puppet animation is just lousy, so that there is no sympathy for the annoying sit-down monster.

This movie is so stupid that you wonder how something like this could ever be filmed. It thankfully only ran on TV and was released on VHS, but my goodness, real people watched this! The makers should be prosecuted for this.

Well... it's a movie. About a yeti. That people are trying to catch.

Strangely enough, the yeti is caught numerous times, so the movie really lives up to that title. In fact, that's about all that happens.

I only just saw this through Rifftrax and even with the boys mocking it, this was really, really bad. This is the kind of movie that really does make you scratch your head and wonder "how did this get greenlit? Who gave this thing a budget? Are those people even allowed to make movies anymore?". I get that not every movie in the 90's had big budgets and fancy effects, but this is just horrid to watch. I keep seeing comments about this being an ET rip-off, but I think they were trying more for bigfoot "Harry and the Henderson's".

Even watching Meatloaf degrade himself in this tripe is painful to watch, like they told him to just "do whatever", but even he didn't seem to have any direction on what he wanted to do. He just doesn't come off as menacing in this movie. For that matter, I was more afraid of him as JB's father in 'The Pick Of Destiny'.

His sidekick, the bumbling idiot aptly named Blubber, just makes you cringe at every line and every move he makes. There are good goofy sidekicks and there are bad goofy sidekicks. Guess where he falls in? It's one of those instances where you want to ask Big Jake why he even keeps the moron around if he just screws up everything. Blubber is the Starscream to Jake's Megatron.

Then there's the "evil" son Wesley. Pretty sure he takes the cake as far as menacing goes. The costume department keeps having him dress up as some Nazi or Russian looking military officer. It honestly reminds me of Cartman from South Park, but done very badly. I wonder if they were trying to do some tounge-in-cheek reference to Wesley Crusher with the repeated "shut up, Wesley" lines, but I don't see a connection.

The rest of the cast is forgettable and wooden, like this movie, so no need to talk further about them.

No yeti's were harmed in the making of this movie, but you'll wish they had been because it's so blatantly obvious that it's just a puppet that I kept expecting Jeff Dunham to show up and shove his hand up its rear and make it talk. I'm assuming they didn't have a budget to get a guy to put a yeti suit on, probably couldn't get permission for it to shoot in the city locations either. They make up some BS about its size to cover up the fact that it's just some mutant-looking mogwai that almost turned into a gremlin, but kept its fur.

Overall, I think the only way to watch this movie is with the Rifftrax dialogue, it at least makes it tolerable.

To Catch a Yeti (1995)

BOMB (out of 4)

Incredibly horrid rip of E.T. has a big time hunter (Meat Loaf) tracking a yeti only to find it living with a family and beloved by the little girl. Even on a cute kids movie level, this film is quite horrid and comes off more creepy than sweet, which was its main goal. The movie is awful on every level and this includes the performances, which range from bad to suicide worthy. Meat Loaf has been good in several films but he's really bad here. The Loaf goes over the top and his performance is all over the place as if he doesn't know what to do. Chantellese Kent plays the young girl who befriends the yeti and she turns in one of the worst performances from a child actor. The screenplay is all over the place as well and the jokes are way too forced to work. The director apparently realized this was going to be junk because I can't see any signs of actual directing being done.