Bikini Summer II

This movie is a godawful, terrible piece of trash that features long periods of absolutely unwatchable dreck. HOWEVER, buried in this movie are five or six killer scenes featuring one Avalon Anders, a hypnotically alluring blonde, playing a dominatrix who totally rules a man. Confession: Everybody has their own taste, and this is mine. If you don't like that kind of stuff, I recommend you skip this movie entirely. But this woman is just mind-blowing.

I like good movies, the movies that are recognized as good by movie critics, yet these bikini comedies are different good. Bikini Summer 2 is a lot of fun. That the movie preaches so-called good values and how good looking women in thong bikinis will always lend a helping hand in a time of need is the greatest of fairy tales for any sex-minded young male. The best babes for me went in this order: Tracy Dali, Melinda Armstrong & Tammy Marcel. The jokes can actually be funny because everyone knows they're not aiming to be original and so nobody's trying hard and why should a movie like this try to be deep? Great movie if you were about 14 when this came out. The fashion of those days was pretty sexy for its time and it's okay to look back why.

This movie is one of the stupidest things I've ever seen in my life!!!! All it was was tits and music. These women are some of the worst actresses I've ever seen or heard in my life! I swear, it was just plain stupid! There is no real plot, no real conflict-no real anything! It wasn't a comedy, it was a porn-no real plot, no real conflict, no real anything. Only the dumbest of males would ever watch this and like it.

I wished I had commented on this long ago but since Jeff Conaway was, apparently, on the oblivion express it remained beneath contempt. Since his stunning comeback in recent years I feel obliged to call the gentleman out ("gentleman" isn't the word I originally used). Ed Wood didn't know any better and people "trying" to make bad movies dwell in their own circle of hell but this movie always seemed to me to be an egregious example of Hollywood at its worst (nonsense, naked women and a benighted attempt to cash in on Jessica Hahn's fleeting moment in the spotlight) and so I present to you... Bikini Summer II (was there ever a I?) perhaps the least essential movie ever, even from an economic standpoint of providing jobs and presumably some employment for those involved.

This is really two movies for the price of one. First, there's the heart-touching story about the inherent humanity of everyone, including the homeless, ineptly done. Then, there's the basic direct-to-video soft porn sex farce, also poorly done. Splice the two together in an almost surreal fashion and you've got this movie. Other than getting to see some really attractive women naked, there's nothing here.