Scream Queen Hot Tub Party

I grew up like most kids in the late 80's/early 90's...drooling over scream queens and renting every T&A horror flick I could get past my parents. If only I would have found this classic cheese and squeeze at the local video store...I probably would have went blind.

Scream Queen Hot Tub Party features 5 scream queens stripping, dancing, working out topless, getting raped by zombies, and taking showers. On top of that you get T&A footage from previous Fred Olen Ray/Jim Wynorski films edited in to pad it to it's 50 minute run time. This was a movie made for the 12-year old boy in all of us. It might be the most exploitive film I've ever seen though. For some reason I couldn't help but feel ashamed during Kelli Maroney's workout scene. Another bummer thing about the film is Linnea Quigley is M.I.A in this one. I mean, how do you make a film called "Scream Queen Hot Tub Party" and don't cast Linnea Quigley?

Anyways, this is a great pick up if you can find it on DVD. It also comes with a weird 35 minute foot fetish short staring Michelle Bauer and virgin porn star Jarica Fox called "One Million Heels B.C."

Scream Queen Hot Tub Party is about the most literal title that could be attached to this particular film; a shot-on-video film that plays more like a compilation of seventies and eighties b-movies narrated and discussed by the buxom actresses who starred in them, the film is a video diary that effectively praises all things horror and breast.

Starring five actresses famous for their work in scuzzy b-movies, Brinke Stevens, Monique Gabrielle, Kelli Maroney, Michelle Bauer, and Roxanne Kernohan all arrive at a home one day expecting to be a part of a seminar on how to properly create a horror film. When they enter the home, they realize the house is totally empty, but are troubled when they hear the house making eerie and unsettling noises. They order an Ouija board from a delivery service that delivers quicker than a contemporary Jimmy John's and also includes five skimpy nighties, which the girls embrace accordingly. The gaggle of queens proceed to enter a hot tub and reminisce on the conventions of the horror films they have acted in, as well as share their insights on working in the field of b-movies.

This involves Stevens showing us how a scream queen effectively showers, breaking down the conventions step-by-step in a steamy, arousing scene and the remainder of the girls giving us a taste at other attributes to the life of being a scream queen. In the opening of the film, the girls give us unwritten rules of the queen life, with one of the main rules being "no scenery unless they see 'greenery'" and the fact that scream queen girls are not allowed to think in any particular way. It's safe to say these women know their roles in their films, and the eye candy they provide is only elevated to the fact that they are an entertaining bunch to watch, energetic and unpredictable in the way they try to merit some kind of reaction out of the audience, be it a scare or an arousal.

Scream Queen Hot Tub Party's third act (in an affair that's only forty-six minutes long) mainly deals with clips from films of the scream queen era that effectively show what it means to be a queen in action. The clips are pleasant enough, but take away from the true appeal of the film, which is seeing five beauties sharing a hot tub and talking about their experiences on set and in film in general. The film would've benefited the most if it had kept the focus purely on the women at hand rather than serving as a greatest hits compilation for other, unseen queens like Linnea Quigley.

The film was directed by Fred Olen Ray and Jim Wynorski, who has made a long, prosperous career out of showing off the assets of beautiful women and surrounding them with ridiculous, b-movie elements. Scream Queen Hot Tub Party is a delightful ode to those principles, and at least profiles a collection of actresses who have long since go unnoticed and deserve their dues in some respect. At least one can say it's given by a man who knows what he's doing and is very familiar with the area.

Starring: Brinke Stevens, Monique Gabrielle, Kelli Maroney, Michelle Bauer, and Roxanne Kernohan. Directed by: Fred Olen Ray and Jim Wynorski.

This film gave the academy a new direction. It is a visually splendid piece of cinema verite' and has the distinction of being the only documentary in the Eye Candy Hall of Fame. Directed by two unknowns (who oddly enough are names in the Western, "The Good, the Bad, and the Ugly") who definitely were apt pupils of the auteurs Wynorski and Olen Ray. This film features three members of the All-Century team who deserve the royalty status: the ever-so-lovely Brinke Stevens, the majestic beauty Michelle Bauer, and the luscious Monique Gabrielle. Like all masterpieces, there is a minor flaw in the casting. We here at the academy wish that Roxanne Kernohan and Kelli Maroney could have been traded for Linnea Quigley. This would have made the All-Century team complete and could boast of having the Fab Four in the credits. Nonetheless, Queen Stevens is an oustanding lecturer who could read the phone book and make it sound erotic (preferably by reading in the nude). Queen Bauer is a delight and could put VIAGRA out of business. Queen Gabrielle, while not a horror legend, has an impressive body... of work and may be responsible for global warming by her performance. All five together in the hot tub bring to mind the making of a fine beer: rich in character, robust, and full-bodied. This is proof there is order in the universe.

It's a rare film that brings together so much legendary horror talent—the last time I recall such a gathering of genre greats was in Pete Walker's House of the Long Shadows, only that one didn't have its stars stripping off and hopping into a hot tub together (now that's what I would call horror!).

At less than an hour, the running time for Scream Queen Hot Tub Party is extremely short, just like the nighties the girls wear whilst holding their obligatory Ouija board session; similarly, the plot is thinner than its stars' underwear. Despite this lack of substance, the low, low production values, and some truly groan-worthy dialogue, scream queen fans still get value for money, each lady eagerly showing off their particular horror movie skills while wearing the minimum of clothing.

Brinke Stevens explains the art of the horror movie shower, going through each move in detail (I found things quick and easy to pick up; I'm now a master at soaping up my chest and lifting one leg to hide my naughty bits); Monique Gabrielle does an erotic vampire dance; Michelle Bauer puts Leatherface to shame whirling a chainsaw around like a dervish; Roxanne Kernohan acts goofy and gets attacked by a crappy monster; and, in a special treat for horror fans, the hitherto relatively reserved Kelli Maroney joins in the fun, greasing up her frontage to pump some iron.

'Classic' clips from the girls' finest films pad out the run-time to the full fifty minutes (these can be a bit boring if you've already seen their films in their entirety), after which the lovely ladies grab the soap and help each other to wash those difficult to reach parts of the body.

Cinema can be many things to many people. Some view film as a way to escape their mundane lives and live through the heroic characters displayed upon the big screen. Some search for a moment that will trigger an epiphany, answering a question that has beguiled them in real life. Some seek a feeling of triumph that can only be displayed when art takes motion and the underdog finally has their day. Some want proof that mankind can overcome, join as one, and view as a singular audience the joys of cinema without the modern day dividers that plague our current existence.

This celluloid miracle is made up of many things: Plot, cinematography, story, character, lighting, narrative, sound, editing and of course...an actor's portrayal of the subject.

In the year nineteen hundred and ninety one "Scream Queen Hot Tub Party" was unleashed. One would be foolish to attempt a full review of this venture which clocks in at just under one single hour.

What can be said, is that it overachieves in more ways than one. It is a triumph in it's simplicity. It can only be applauded and therefore described in a victorious, emphatic, neon and singular word. And that word is.....TITTIES!

Bravo, "Scream Queen Hot Tub Party", Bravo!