Femme Fatale

I accidentally stumbled upon this 'movie' while zapping over my 60 dutch channels. Well, because it was very late and there wasn't anything else on, I continued to watch this low-budget picture. I like to torture myself from time to time. Colin Firth is a dumb newlywed whose bride runs away on their honeymoon. So, guess what, he starts to look for her. But his wife is a loony. Lisa Zane doesn't play her character with any mystery. You only get irritated by her. Oh yes, her brother Billy plays Firth's best friend and what an acting achievement that was. I urge you to go to dentist rather than to see this movie. Lisa Zane can't save it with her looks alone.

I am trying to watch all of Colin Firth's filmography. This is the first dud so far. Generally his films are intelligent, engaging and interesting. He almost always plays the same lovable character but with an amazing depth of feeling and nuance. This film was one of his earliest productions. Clearly it is an outlier. One of the truly worthless films of all time. Not because of the acting but because of the implausible and absurd plot with an equally inane script. It should be classified as a horror film. Every other actor in the film is a complete unknown. And the setting, in a Los Angeles slum, adds to the depressing ambiance. The topless model posing with a bag over her head is a clue to the pathetic, degraded tenor of this work.

The bud of love bloomed when boy met girl. A whirlwind romance and quickie nuptials are displayed in a series of flashbacks after a mysterious woman [read: crazy] leaves her hubby during the honeymoon. He goes bonkers and spends his days tracing his disappeared darling. This leads him into a web of S&M film makers, lunatic drug dealers, and a very large surprise concerning his wonderful wife. Run of the mill thriller which seems to bog down more than cause one to quiver with emotional excitement.

As I sat in front of the TV watching this movie, I thought, "Oh, what Alfred Hitchcock, or even Brian DePalma, could have done with this!" Chances are, you will too. It does start out intrigueing. A British park ranger living in Los Angeles (Collin Firth) marries a pretty, demure brunette woman (Lisa Zane) whom he met in a park only a short time ago. Then, one day she dissappears. The police are unable to find any documentation that she ever existed, and Firth conducts his own search. So far, so good. Just as he's about to give up, he turns to his womanizing best friend (Billy Zane), and they stumble onto her former life in L.A.'s sordid underground of drugs, nightclubs, and ametuer filmmaking, and then to her history of mental instability. At that point, Firth's life is in danger, and the film falls apart. None of the characters from Lisa Zane's past are remotely interesting. The film moves slowly, and there's very little action. There is a subplot regarding missing drug money, but it's just a throwaway. No chases, no cliffhanging sequences, and no suspense. Just some dull beatings and a lot of chat by boring characters. One thing worth noting, Lisa Zane and Billy Zane are brother and sister, but they never appear in a scene together. By the end of the movie, you're torn between wondering what might have been and trying to stay awake.

Granted I'm a Colin Firth fan but I really enjoyed this movie. It has an interesting plot with unsuspecting twists and turns that keep the viewer focused until the end. Even the reviewer that said it was bad watched it all the way through.