Robot Ninja

I bought this movie for six dollars at this place that smelled like green beans. I thought it'd be cool, because I adore both robots AND ninjas. I feel I enjoy them equally. Both are enriching, and make for splendid film components, be it sci-fi, drama, or what have you. May I state here that this horrid film contains neither a robot nor a ninja. It does not even feature a robot that happens to be a ninja, or vice-versa, as the title would seem to imply. Rather, it is about a comic-book artist who is angry that there is crime, and decides to dress up like a comic book guy and mutilate people in disgustingly low-budget ways. The lead character is by far the least likable character in the movie, which says a lot since many of the other characters are in fact rapists. None of the violence is at all realistic, or at least I hope it doesn't look that gross when you poke people's eyes out. Linnea Quigley and Burt Ward are both in it, for whatever reason. They must be astonishingly poverty-stricken. Anyway, you won't like this, and I'm sorry I purchased it. You should probably destroy any copies you are able to get your hands on. Please do so now.

Make no mistake, this is a very bad movie. It is a rare gem that is so bad it will leave you aching with laughter. Its hard to imagine what the makers were thinking as they made it. I wonder what they thought once they saw the finished product. Did they laugh as much as I? Will you?

Don't get me wrong, I rented because it looked so bad... call me a masochist. I'll never have that hour and a half back. But I look at it as a positive experience, now I know what NOT to do if I ever make a movie. I especially love when he repairs his arm with the junk on the table, and how the lead bad girl rapes the guy. How does a woman rape a man? Oh well. Like I said, it was fun, but only because it was so bad it was good. Don't rent it expecting anything other than a good laugh at these poor souls' expense.

My friend and I rented this movie because it has two great words combined into one crappy movie. Robot Ninja! He got sick of women kickin his butt so he donned a spandex "tank armored" suit and became the robot ninja. It sucked so much it was funny. I recommend it to fans of G.I. Bro and Frogs! Well that's it... time to write my paper on this magnificent piece of crap probably made in someone's closet or laundry room.

My review was written in July 1990 after watching the movie on Cinema Home Video cassette.

This amateur direct-to-video picture is aimed at gorehounds and fans ot the disgusting.

One-man Akron, Ohio filmmaker J. R. Bookwalter dedicates this feature to comic strip artists, and its best aspect consists of black & white comic drawings of the adventures of "Robot Ninja" by David Lange.

Rather inferior-quality live action concerns artist Michael Todd, who decides to fight violent crime in his small town of Ridgway by taking up the silver mask of his fictional hero and going on the warpath himself. In between boring scenes of his problems with his publisher, Burt Ward, are awkwardly staged acts of mayhem. Watching people throw up and expose fake-looking innards is no fun.

Ward is along as an afterthought, making verbal references to the campiness of the proceedings, analogous to his "Batman" tv series. He's named Stan Kane and similar homages are in other character names like Cameron, Spinell, DePalma and Miss Barbeau.

Bookwalter scores low marks in all technical departments, committing a cardinal sin for a tyro filmer of overusing the hand-held camera.