Troll - Teil 3

The cream of the crap... This movie was literally the worst I've ever seen. Everything was wrong: plot, acting, music, costumes, special effects, script... the list goes on extensively. Every film-making mistake imaginable was made in this film... yet I loved every minute of it. Its hard to imagine it as being a legitimate effort at making a motion picture, but as far as I know, it wasn't intended to be humorous. A movie so terribly bad that it becomes so wonderfully good. I would recommend it to anyone looking for a good laugh; I'm actually considering purchasing it (that is if I can find it anywhere... I doubt it).

Quest for the Mighty Sword (1990)

1/2 (out of 4)

Ator is murdered so later in life his son, also named Ator (Eric Allan Kramer), goes for revenge when he learns that his mother was forced into prostitution. He also learns of a magical sword that belongs to his family and he wants it returned.

QUEST FOR THE MIGHTY SWORD was the fourth film in the series and the third to be directed by Joe D'Amato. The infamous Italian director helmed the first two in the series, skipped the third film and returned with this one. It's funny because the first film was so horrid that I found myself having a good time with it. The second film was so awful yet it was bad enough to be entertaining. This film here is just downright awful without any camp or entertainment value.

I'm really not sure where to begin but this here is certainly the bottom of the barrel as far as entertainment goes. The Italian horror market had already dried up and I'm really not sure why a film like this would be made since the genre was long dead and it's doubtful there was much demand for it. The film has the typical awful acting that you would expect, a stupid story and there's really not a single good thing you can say about it.

Fans of D'Amato who are nuts like me and want to see everything the man directed might want to check it out but it's a pretty bad film. With that said, Laura Gemser does appear briefly in the film.

All the "Ator" films are on the dullest end of the cheap 80s sword-and-sandal revival, but this one has promise for its slender "Troll 2" connection. The reality is not all that much fun, though, despite being as dumb as you might hope for. In one of his last non-porn features, Joe d'Amato does the best he can with very limited means for a fantasy action film, but that only means it's got some professional sheen. It certainly isn't good, and it isn't so-bad-it's-good, either.

The weirdest thing about it is that it lacks the one minimal thing any movie of this type delivers: A warrior hero whose rippling muscles are constantly displayed, and usually seem to be the main reason he was cast. This guy had a career in fight choreography, yet he's got the face of an overfed ex-fratboy who "used to play football," and perplexingly he's always clad in in loose capes or ponchos or whatever, so it seems like they're going out of their way to hide paunch. He's not as wooden an actor as "Ator" originator Miles O'Keefe, or several other screen muscle dudes you could name, but let's face it, this is the kind of role where pecs speak louder than line readings. The women are attractive, including glorified cameos by veterans Laura Gemser and Marisa Mell. But it's all pretty dull, and silly in a self-conscious rather than unintentionally funny way.

Think of the worst movie you have ever seen. Now go out and buy a copy of it on DVD. When you get home, open it up, pull down your pants, and take a huge smelly dump on the disc. Then load it into your DVD player and this movie should play.

If it doesn't play this movie than the only explanation is you somehow found a DVD of, The Room. In which case, taking a huge smelly dump on the disc might improve the movie.

Really, the only reason to watch this farce is to make fun of it.It might also make a somewhat funny bad movie night, or a good movie to make out too as you ignore it, though I find it hard to see how even the most skillful man could entice a women to sit through even the first ten minutes of this cinematic travesty. Was this even in the theaters? Maybe in Moldova.

Oh yeah, and the guy that plays Ator is the dad from Good Luck Charley. That makes it worth watching just to see that guy make an ass out of himself, if you happen to know his work from that show.

Otherwise, I'd steer clear of this dreck and leave such viewings to those of us with no lives, and more than enough time to waste between Leven Thumps novels, and tenth re-readings of Ender's Game

I'll always have a special place in my heart for this movie, bad as it is. My sister and I ran across it years ago on HBO and quoted lines from it all summer. In fact, we taped the movie and I often made other people watch it, but nobody seemed to think it was as funny as my sister and I did.

I think what I find most interesting about this movie is that the filmmakers would even try to produce an action-fantasy epic with the $500 budget they apparently had. Usually, your independent filmmakers have a general sense of their limitations. They tend to shoot small films that can get by on small budgets. But the folks who made "Quest for the Mighty Sword" thought BIG. They must have had remarkable confidence in their film-making ingenuity--a real belief that through a little clever camera angling, they could turn their fifteen cents into a dollar--turn their plastic sword, overweight lead actor, and single troll costume (used for almost every monster who shows up in the film) into a passable fantasy experience. This isn't "the little movie that could." It's "the little movie that thought it could, but couldn't." Something about that, however, makes the film lovable in its own way.

In any event, I sincerely envy these filmmakers. Their power to view the glass as "half full" must be nearly inhuman. They must be pretty happy people, generally speaking.