Hart aber herzlich: Alte Freunde sterben nie

Fine, again.

'Hart to Hart: Old Friends Never Die', like its three predecessors, is simply no-frills, made-for-TV drama. I have nothing to moan about, yet nothing to praise either. Just very meh.

Robert Wagner and Stefanie Powers are certainly the glue that holds these together. Elsewhere, it's cool to see James Avery - Uncle Phil himself - appear; even if he is very underused, which is the film's biggest crime of all.

Even in costume Wagner and Powers struggle with doing Laurel and Hardy.

Lots of clichés here. The man plotting it is moving chess pieces. How many times have we seen that? But to muddy the waters they have a chess writer here and a man who went to a masquerade party as a castle. Who does that? It seems an unwieldy sort of costume.

While I'm on the subject, they have a Hawaiian detective Whoo played by one of my favorite actors, the shamefully mis- and underutilized James Shigeta, reduced to saying "Whoo knows," tapping his forehead. Who wrote this thinking it was funny?

Also on the strength is David Leisure, whose big break came playing in comic car commercials. He's wonderfully smarmy. Though I think the best addition to the movie series is Paul Williams playing Max's shady bookie.

Lots of un-p.c. Language in this one which is fine with me. I consider p.c.-ers the new Spanish Inquisition, finding heresy wherever the look for it. But this movie series uses lots of sloppy slow-mo, which looks bad.

The Harts are pretty dim in this one. Jennifer overhears someone plotting a murder. But then, it's s literary weekend. Full of authors. Didn't it occur to her it was a mystery writer plotting out his new story? But then, the things this mystery writer plots tend to come true . . .

So, we have plenty of red herrings on this stew but I didn't find it engaging. Maybe you will.

The Harts find themselves in the middle of a dangerous murder plot, but it isn't clear if the plot is a famous author's fictional murder-mystery, or an actual murder plot, until Jonathan finds himself the unsuspecting target of a killer. It begins to look like the culprit behind the plot is an old friend, Frank Crane (Mike Farrell), but there may be a connection to a corporate takeover of Hart Industries as well. Lionel Stander reprises his role as the faithful Max, who helps investigate the business angle.

There's an Agatha Christie vibe here with a secluded setting, assortment of suspicious characters, and bodies piling up in the drawing room. It's a fun and lively mystery that starts well and ends satisfactory. Much better than Hart to Hart returns. James Shigeta plays interesting detective with a deadpan delivery.

The ghost of Agatha hangs over this far-fetched yarn. The plot's full of implausible twists and turns which are all later revealed as plotted moves by the malign chess-player who's behind the mystery. One things that puzzles me is how come these arch-plotters can always stage-manage everything without the inevitable human cock-ups that afflict the rest of us? The psychological justifications behind this Machiavellianism are scarcely touched-the makers would prefer us to treat the movie as an old-fashioned revenge murder mystery,but set in the glorious surroundings of Hawaii. At the end of it all,the deranged baddie gets his desserts. One thing still puzzling me-the old friend of Jonathan's-Frank. Was he in on it? Why did he leave the drugged Harts in their room at the end? Why was he murdered? Was he an accomplice who needed to be silenced? And why oh why am I bothering to write this drivel about a Wednesday afternoon Channel 5 TV movie? The answers to all these questions are now out there for the rest of you lot to solve!