Die Insel der Riesendinosaurier

*SPOILER ALERT* *SPOILER ALERT*

It's 10:00 p.m. on Friday night and I just had a shot of jack and finished off my third beer. This party is out of control! I just watched "Dinosaur Island" followed by an episode of "Black Tie Nights" on Cinemax. This couple was on a date and then they had sex. That's the show. Genius eh?

Speaking of genius, "Dinosaur Island" was a T&A spectacular. Three army guys crash land on the island of the prehistoric breast implants. They must prove themselves worthy of their big bouncy affection by slaying the really cheap dinosaur that prowls the island. The girls are confused by the new arrivals in their midst. "What is this thing you men call love?" The guys are ready to shed the cavegirl's clothes and get this party started on a Saturday night.

Once again, I must give praise where it's due. Michelle Bauer is the real deal. As the women pair off with the men, Michelle chooses the fattest loser to hook up with. She gives hope to all of us dorks out here every time she rips off her bra. Thank you Michelle for getting naked for us again. There are plenty of other women who take their tops off as well. So that's good too.

All of the dinosaur scenes were ridiculously cheap but I didn't mind. You don't think I actually watched this for the dinosaurs do you? Of course not. Anyway, "Dinosaur Island" is a good T&A flick. It's worth a look for B-movie lovers.

One last thing, keep an eye out for Nikki Fritz who shows up at the very beginning of the movie. I thought she looked familiar but I didn't realize it was her until after the credits rolled. She is the High Priestess who has her breasts painted blue and dances around like a stripper. Apparently the dinosaur is attracted to the human sacrifice by the hypnotic gyrations of cavewoman pole dancing.

in this Jim wynorski/Fred Olen ray co production,military police transporting misfit soldiers crash land on an uncharted prehistoric island,with rubbery dinosaurs and sexy busty cave girls,its silly stuff the special effects are pretty bad except for the t-Rex(some stock footage from carmosaur)the b-movie cast includes;Richard gabai,Ross hagen,Antonia Dorian,Becky lebeau,Michelle Bauer,Nikki fritz,and griffin drew.the cave girls speak perfect English and look very good in their prehistoric bikinis.its co produced by roger corman.dinosaur island is'nt bad,its entertaining if you overlook all the flaws.cornball all the way with some nudity,but who's complaining.sexy Nikki fritz is in the opening scene her body and face painted blue,look for all natural beauty;Becky Le beau as the Dino sacrifice.i may be crazy but ill give dinosaur island 6 out of 10.

I can't help but enjoy this movie. It's a jiggle-movie that manages to make fun of jiggle-movies. Whether or not this was intended is irrelevant. One can very plainly tell that the cast and crew are NOT taking themselves seriously on this project. The dinosaurs appear to be recycled from the Carnosaur movies, with no regard for achieving realism. The filmmakers have a great time using the oldest effects tricks in the book for this movie. Again, like a lot of movies, this one is the type that is best enjoyed by those who enjoy a good, BAD movie.

With an old school fantasy artwork front cover I was drawn to Dinosaur Island even though I knew from experience this was likely to be not only a T&A film but also pretty darn bad.

Regarding the T&A there is plenty, yet somehow someway it is not only tasteful but mostly directly related to the plot.

Regarding the quality it's a mixed bag. The movie actually looks quite good, the location and costume design is solid but when the sfx come into the equation it all falls apart. I'm not saying the sfx are bad I'm saying they're awful. The dinosaurs are stop motion animation and looked at home back in the 60's so there is no excuse for a 1994 film.

Yes the film isn't supposed to be taken seriously and is essentially a comedy but those sfx are beyond bad.

Thankfully the script is okay and there are genuine laughs to be had, the whole movie reminded me of Cave Girl (1985) except Cave Girl didn't reach beyond its means and had far more of a charm.

For what it is Dinosaur Island isn't bad but as a whole it's not something I could ever confidently recommend to anyone.

The Good:

Some decent efforts at humour

Tasteful well done T&A scenes

The Bad:

SFX that were on point in the 60's

Things I Learnt From This Movie:

Trained military with automatic weapons will have no effect on a raging t-rex but a bunch of scantily clad girls with sticks will scare it off

Boobs squeezing is the no.1 fighting technique for amazons

The infamous beast of the cave is the offspring of a xenomorph and a muppet

As a collector and fan of B-movies, I'd have to put this one high on my most-valued list. It's literally overflowing with genre talent, most notably as a collaboration between two of the finest modern B-movie directors: Jim Wynorski and Fred Olen Ray. Also, it's got a killer cast, featuring Michelle Bauer (HOLLYWOOD CHAINSAW HOOKERS), Griffin Drew (BIKINI HOE DOWN), Richard Gabai (VIRGIN HIGH), Nikki Fritz (ATTACK OF THE 60-FOOT CENTERFOLD), and Antonia Dorian (BARE WENCH PROJECT). Sure, the jokes are cheesy. Sure, that "dinosaur" effect isn't quite Stan Winston quality. However, there's some things Hollywood can never duplicate, and that's the feel of a good B-movie with lots of scream queens. Here's hoping they never stop making movies like this.