Willkommen im Leben

Remember the first time you said goodbye to someone and you knew you would never, ever see them again? Remember how that felt? If you do, then you know Angela Chase and her family and friends on "My So-Called Life", a simple show about a group of people at a specific time in their lives that is like the fly stuck in amber.

There are only nineteen episodes of this most compelling of programs, then it is done. As the nineteenth episode ends, you are left with a painful feeling deep inside. You have come to care for these people and now they are gone. The next day, the rerun cycle will begin again and you will watch, entranced, as Angela and Rayanne and Rickie and Jordan and Brian and Sharon and Patty and Graham and Danielle travel through the same nineteen hours again, as you sit back, longing for that nineteenth episode to be followed by episode twenty. But it never comes. It's cruel.

"My So-Called Life" is a good argument to never watch television again. And a great argument to say you're glad you did. It's not simply a show about angst-ridden mid-ninetees teens. It's much more.

You owe it to yourself to watch these nineteen episodes, to get a glimpse at what a five-star television series looks like...and how wrong it is when a television network takes it away.

Kudos to all involved.

This series is required viewing.

I am a grown woman of the X-generation and I used to love this show when I was young. I don't know what kids want anymore. Is it One Tree Hill and The O.C., shows that are fun but that don't really say much about what it is actually like to be a teenager?

Cause that is what this show was for me. It told the story of what I was feeling right then and there. It described what it is like to feel so damn insecure and embarrassed that sometimes you would just like to kill yourself right then and there. And it told the story of what it is like to be an outsider and a thinker, how it is to feel everything so strong that every small compliment sends you flying, every small resistance is a catastrophe.

But that's enough of the sentimentality... Here's the story: Angela Chase is your average intelligent teenager. She's a nice girl from a good home, cute but not a looker. The series picks up when Angela has a bit of an identity crisis. She's tired of being a good girl and breaks off contact with equally nice childhood friend Cheryl. She rebels against her parents, colors her hair bright red and starts hanging out with bad girl Rayanne and her gay friend Ricky. Meanwhile she also falls hard for the silent tough hunk Jordan. Sometimes Jordan acts as if he's interested in her too, only to ignore her the next day. And then there is the neighbor nerd Brian. He is head over heals for Angela, though she is oblivious.

My So-called Life is finally out on DVD. For the last couple of years I've searched for it now and then on Amazon and on torrent download sites. When I saw that it was going to be released I pre-ordered it and got it at once. So far I've watched the first six episodes, and it still holds up. So I recommend it heartily if you're a fan of quality realistic teenage drama.

For some reason I keep coming back to this show. Every year I get the shows out and watch them again. Every year I see new things. I understand more. I'm twenty-six now. What's going on?

When you're a teenager, and you have those problems, and you know your friends will make fun of you if you tell them, you look to film, music and TV for answers. Living in England, honest to goodness teen shows are pretty thin on the ground. There's 'Byker Grove', 'Grange Hill' and hints of 'HollyOaks' and that's about it. The trouble is that none of them quite has the audacity or time slot to cut to the heart of what its actually like to be a teenager. Most of the time you have to look to US shows like 'Dawson's Creek' or 'Buffy'. But standing above them all was 'My So-called Life' a television programme that answered all of our questions. When the show was transmitted on our Channel 4 in 1995 it was stupidly popular.

No one had seen anything like this. Suddenly you knew what to do about that older boy or girl you fancy. Or if you have feelings for the girl next door. Or if you weren't sure about your sexuality. Or of someone loved you but you couldn't return their feelings. Or if you got handcuffed to a bed. Your heart was broken by it week after week, but you came back before because you knew it was doing you good. A free hour of therapy with what amounted to being your friends.

Even if you didn't want to admit it, you were one of them. You were Rayanne Graffe, afraid of the world and overcompensating. Sharon Cherski, searching for your own identity beneath the expectations of others. You were Ricki Vasquez unsure who you were but quietly finding an equilibrium. You were Jordan Catalano torn between your friends and something else. You were Brian Krakow, the romantic with so many high expectations of people. You were Danielle Chase, always being kicked out of different rooms. You were Patty Chase fighting to keep your family together. You were Graham Chase fighting to keep yourself together. And you were always Angela, your world falling apart around you, every choice being wrong, every moment a battle, but somehow slowly working it all out.

Then, after nineteen episodes, it was gone. Replaced, I believe, by a rerun of 'Matlock'. The show should never have been cancelled. It wasn't fair goddam it. And not on that cliffhanger. But perhaps it had the right end. The perfect ending. The only ending this show could have had. Making a choice then watching in pain the road not travelled. So like life. So-called Life.

This year we would have had its sixth season. All of the contracts would have been up for renewal. The teenagers would have been twenty something. Characters would have gone, new characters brought in. The writing teams change. But it would not have been the same show.

The show I keep coming back to.

When seen in order, these 19 episodes form an amazingly rich chronicle of a year in the lives of Angela Chase, her high school friends and the adults in their lives. Writing this great rarely makes it into series television. As disappointing as it was when the show was cancelled after one year, the result was a self-contained almost novelistic tapestry of interwoven stories that stands alone as one of the finest depictions of adolescence and parenthood ever created for the screen.

One of the most distinctive threads that runs through the series is the way both children and adults deceive themselves about what they really want and need out of life. The drama and humor of the series often revolves around the struggle of the different characters to break through to their genuine selves.

Among many fine story lines, one standout is that of Rickie Vasquez, probably the first depiction of a gay teen on series television, and if not the first, certainly the most unapologetic. I could go on way too long about all the other moving, surprising, heartbreaking and ironic story lines, about the way characters are always surprising us with unexpected depths or insights or abilities, about the use of music, about the incredibly honest and unexploitative depiction of teenage sexuality, and about the performances, which are uniformly superb, even in the smallest roles. Best of all the show is so rich and crafted so brilliantly that it rewards repeated viewing.

My So-Called Life is one of those instant classics. A brilliant show, it just came along at the wrong time and was subsequently canned after one season. But that only adds to it's legend and in a small way makes the series even more enjoyable now on DVD. The writing never got a chance to waiver. There was never really a bad episode. The cast never had to grow up and face "the college years" or even prom. Instead we are left with this one season, this one year of high school, with a brilliant group of characters who are locked forever in youth.

The shows are great. Claire Danes took the Golden Globe and was nominated for an Emmy. And when you compare this one series with two High School dramas it was sandwiched between; the richy richy farce of the early 90s' Beverly Hills 90210 and the glossy junk of the late 90s' Dawson Creek, you see how true, poignant and amazing these 19 hours My So Called Life truly are.

This was a real classic. That it was canceled so quickly only proves Networks know NOTHING about quality.