Witchcraft V: Dance with the Devil

I'm in the process of binge watching the Witchcraft franchise and am fast starting to think this is the worst movie series of all time.

Here in the 5th part we see the return of William the warlock, except now he's played by a different actor as I'm sure the last guy had enough.

He's spellbound by a rival warlock who uses him to collect souls for satan, or something.

With some of the worst overacting I've ever seen and sex/nudity in every other scene this really pushes for the title of worst Witchcraft movie. I'm not sure it is, but it's certainly on par.

I'd recommend the Witchcraft franchise thus far to people who like *Ahem*, people who are into *Hmmmm* guys and gals I don't like? *Shrugs*

The Good:

Boobs, what? I'm a simple man

The Bad:

SFX that hurt my brain

Antagonist is hammy to ridiculous levels

Cringe inducing

Dull plot

Things I Learnt From This Movie:

I didn't know Ronnie James Dio was a warlock

Poor girl, her top keeps falling off

I can go on and on and on about what's wrong with this film, but why bother? It's no fun pointing out the flaws of a movie that's supposed to be bad. And if the makers of this crap thought they were doing a masterpiece--may God have mercy on their souls.

I am just gonna be frank. I read a review for the movie in my Blockbuster Video Guide saying that it contains "exposed breasts galore." Well...they were right. Lots of gratuitous shots of large, surgically-enhanced (I'm guessing) breasts. What's a crappy horror movie without the gratuitous nudity? Exactly!

The acting and f/x (if that's what you call 'em) are so inexplicably bad that I had to wrestle my hand off the "Stop" button. Maybe it's because I'm an aspiring filmmaker and actor myself. A low budget is no excuse. Look what Kevin Smith did with the micro-budget comedy "Clerks." John Carpenter's pockets weren't exploding with cash when he made "Halloween." But when he did the killing sequences, instead of explicitly showing us the blood and gore, he left it up to the audience's imagination. And he still scared the pants off many viewers! In one scene of this movie, the villain sticks a sword through this guy's stomach and we suddenly cut to this stupid close-up shot of the blood dripping off the sword, as if we're supposed to believe it actually got pushed through his body. As for the computer-generated f/x...what the hell was that! They must've stole 'em off someone's screensaver!

If I have anything good to say, this film is good for a few laughs. Unintentional laughs, that is. They should've at least used a tongue-in-cheek approach. That way we can be laughing WITH them. And of course, if you wanna watch some good nude scenes that's a plus. But you can always save yourself the trouble and rent a flick from Surrender Cinema. That way you won't have to wear out the "Fast-Forward" control as much.

My score: 2 (out of 10)

This was a simple and stupid film. An evil warlock tries to collect enough damned souls (using naked women in various ways to achieve this means) to bring the devil to earth. He uses this super-hot blonde lass (one of many throughout) to get a young warlock to do his bidding, and... Do I have to describe this to you? Many times the dialogue was laughably bad, and the special effects were cry-ably bad. The plot was so thin many times I forgot what was supposed to be happening. But there was a lot of naked, gyrating flesh, and be honest, that's why someone would check this out. Isn't it? It was all so rushed and amateurish and cheap, but, unlike the first "Witchcraft" (which had all those qualities), I kinda liked this one. And why not? It wasn't unspeakably bad. The women were attractive. I didn't go into looking for "Halloween," or even "Halloween 5," so I enjoyed the heaving bosoms and barely-memorized lines. If you're one of those people who like this kind of stuff, you will too.

Satan's assistant uses a hunky warlock to help him open the gates of hell and release Satan. Big breasted, hot looking and often nude women figure into the plot somehow or another. Cheaply made direct to video sequel takes the series in a whole new direction, by just tossing plot, performances, and direction out the window and just squarely focusing in on the sex. Unrated; Strong Sexual Content, Nudity, Violence, and Profanity.

Lets just forget part 4 ever happened and say this film picks up after #3. This time lawyer Will Spanner(From parts 2-4.)is enslaved by evil warlock Kane who wants to open the gateway to Hell. Spanner's girlfriend and a few others try to help him resist this evil power, but at the cost of their own lives. Good story, and o.k. acting. *** out of *****.