Nukie

Firstly, Nukie looks like ET if he were made of poo. Plus, on the back of the VHS box is a picture of a Tiger. Nowhere in the entire movie is a tiger. I felt cheated! Honestly, I was caught off guard by how AWFUL this movie is. I'm also caught off guard as to how many reviews IMDb has for for NUKIE.

In regards to movies, I'll watch ANYTHING. I'm actually fond of little know releases. I found Nukie for $1.75 NEW in a Mexican grocery store. How on earth was this movie made? I'm pretty sure it will never be released on DVD. The budget wasn't big but you can tell some money was spent. I'm sure they expected this to be a hit at the theater ( they even trademarked the name Nukie! ). Also, why didn't this movie make the "worst of" lists? It's WORSE than Soultaker and Troll 2. Why was this movie even made? Who funded this? Why!?!?

Here's what I can say: this movie is SO BAD. NEVER UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES SEE THIS MOVIE. I try to see all the bad movies I can, and this tops them all. It's not even funny to mock, it's just that bad. It's a test of patience. Even if you think you wanna see this movie, you really don't. I'll leave you with a bit of the wit from this movie; while the scientists are taking miko's pulse with the x-ray machine, they still don't know whether he's an animal, mineral, or vegetable. Go back over that last sentence again. Yes. That actually does happen in the movie. Honestly, when I finally finished this movie I felt like dying(it took me a while because I watched about the first half hour and needed to stop on account of the utter idiocy of this movie). It is terrible. I can't stress that enough. And now I speak directly to the people who like watching bad movies: I know you've seen movie that people have told you not to see, but skip this one. It hurts to watch.

Nukie. It's a bad E.T. ripoff filmed in Africa, with production (and some footage) handled in Germany. It's in English, so I'm not sure where the targeted market was. Nukie and his brother Meeko are ugly little aliens with big heads and runny noses who fly through space using some sort of personal energy rather than ships. They are tempted by the beauty of the earth, fly too close, and crash. Nukie lands in Africa and is relatively unharmed; Meeko lands in the United States and is immediately picked up by NASA. At least, I think it's NASA. Its logo appears in several places, but the stock-footage building exterior is definitely not NASA. Nor is it ever called `NASA'. It's called the Space Foundation. And there are beer cans in the break room! But since NASA is the only space agency in the U.S., that's what it has to be.

Scene after scene begins with an exterior shot of `NASA'. The voice-over gives the date and time (sometimes the times don't synch with the amount of daylight shown), and more often than not he follows with `nothing unusual to report' before telling us that Meeko has escaped or some such. If that's not unusual, I don't know what is.

While Meeko suffers in America, Nukie meets the quirky inhabitants of a small village in Africa. He befriends twin boys named Tookie and Tiko, and a chimp named Charlie. Nukie and the boys search for `America', which they think is the name of the evil-doer who is holding Meeko. They must avoid an American chopper pilot working for NASA (watch out - he's a `player'), local poachers, and a pesky nun (Glynis Johns) while they do so. It all ends happily, of course, because this is a kids' movie. Nukie and Meeko fly into space amidst stock footage of fireworks, and they bring along one of their new friends from Earth. Who is the friend? You'll have to watch the movie to find out!

The producers must've expected a big demand for Nukie merchandise, because every time the word appears it has the little `TM' after it. `Nukie' is trademarked, for crying out loud; none may use his name without permission. I doubt the demand for merchandise materialized, otherwise we might be seeing Nukie lunchboxes and action figures for sale in thrift stores.

People don't believe me when I tell them this, but I kind of like Nukie. Did you ever have a friend who was your friend just because you felt sorry for them? I like Nukie because I feel sorry for it. I think it needs a friend.

The pain is the only thing that will distract you from the terminal suck of the movie. The plot line is like watching actors trying to break out of their usual roles of downs syndrome porn and the main character looks like a deep-fried shag carpet soaked in cheese made rancid manlove to ET's bastard cousin. It goes downhill from there. Wrought with so many plot holes I felt like my teeth were being jarred from their sockets just from the righteous fury, I felt the minutes this movie was bleeding from my life dripping out of my soul. I feel that if I look down I will see the tattered remains of the person I was before I saw this movie floating in a pool of my lost humanity.

I completely agree with the other person who reviewed this movie. The reason I saw it was the same thing -- the box looked like it could be really funny and maybe have a few good absurd weird things in it. It turned out to be one of the most unpleasant maddening movies I have ever seen. I strongly reccommend that no parent ever show to this to their child. I can't imagine a normal child taking any joy out of this movie, because there IS no joy in this movie. The whole movie is about suffering. Nukie almost dies several times, and his brother is being tortured by scientists while he begs and cries in pain. This is suppossed to be a fun kids movie but there is nothing light-hearted about it. It is so intense and painful, only showcasing the miseries and trauma of life. Even more disturbing is it's strange political subtext. At one point in the movie, an African child and Nukie are in desperate need of aid. They are lost and tired and looking for America (this is where Nukie's brother is being "imprisoned.") The African child cries out "AMERICA! SAVE US!" Could this be a commentary on how America treats other nations, or "aliens"? What about the name, "NUKIE"? "Nuke"?

Only see this movie if you and friends are looking for absurd, kind of funny, yet painful puzzles to try and figure out (which is what I do)