American Wildcats

The trailer for "Wildcats" showed 3 ghetto-riffic cheerleaders stomping around a pile of dirt and chanting, "U-G-L-Y, you ain't got no alibi, you UGLY! What-what! Yo' mama says you ugly!"

Okay, you got me. I'm there.

Ha-ha low-brow highlights include--

* Goldie Hawn's purple-headed teenage daughter gets sloshed at a team party. Wesley Snipes comes to the rescue: "We're taking you home. If your mother sees you like this she's gonna' turn your ass the same color as your hair" Funny, rite?

* Goldie's team kidnaps the rival school's mascot, a goat. When principal Nipsey Russell invades the locker room and asks, "You all wouldn't happen to know what happen to the Cougar's goat, would you?" The goat, hidden in a locker, starts to baaaaah, which prompts Goldie to simultaneously reply "Naaaaah!" See? Hysterical!

Fans of Jan Hooks (like me) will love her turn here as the uppitty stick-up-the-butt wife of Goldie's ex. Fans of Woody Harrelson should note that a brief cameo is made here by his bare butt. Fans of Swoosie Kurtz should contemplate bathing with downed powerlines. Just kiddin', she's good too.

TEN! 1 point for the fat guy, 1 point for flatulence, 1 point for LL Cool J's lamest rap ever. The rest of the points go to Goldie. Goldie rocks.

Love, your pussies

I'm not sure why anyone would completely dislike this movie. It's fun and probably better than the rating here. Goldie Hawn is very good, she's bubbly (something she's great at,) charming and tough when she needs to be. Features the first ever roles for both Woody Harrelson and Wesley Snipes as well as LL Cool J's first time on screen! One thing that helps me like this a lot is the Chicago locations. The main plot and sub-plots are a bit thin but overall it's a good football comedy. I had probably seen this easily like 5 or 6 times but this was the first time in about 20+ years! Was just as good as ever!!

6.5 / 10 stars

--Zoooma, a Kat Pirate Screener

If you folks remember that John Wayne/Donna Reed film Trouble Along The Way, Wayne is a divorced father living with his little daughter Sherry Jackson who has learned all about sports especially football from her dad who was a football coach. Imagine Sherry growing up to be Goldie Hawn and you have an idea of her character in Wildcats.

She wants to invade the male preserve of the boys sports because she knows a lot about the game, it comes naturally from her dad. But it isn't that simple and the only job she can get is in Principal Nipsey Russell's inner city school a really rough place.

Some future big names like Wesley Snipes and Woody Harrelson are some of Goldie's players. Best however is Tab Thacker one mountain of a kid critical to defense, but Thacker requires special motivation.

She also has custody issues with her most uptight ex-husband James Keach and his extremely prissy wife Jan Hooks. Those kids from her team try to help, but mess things up.

This one is really Goldie's show she has a fine comedy part with a bit of family drama thrown in. Basically because she has invaded that male holy of holys, the boy's locker room.

It's a good comedy, Goldie Hawn really shines.

This is a great little (even, gosh, subtle) football comedy about grabbing life with both hands, featuring Goldie Hawn as a woman coach who wants to make a splash as a high school football coach. One of the joys of watching these movies is the retro experience of 80s 'big hair' hairdos and fashions, and seeing now famous actors. There's Wesley Snipes (as the ladies man with an eye for the 'older woman', Woody Harrelson, a thin LL Cool J, Mikelti Williamson (The Night Hawk), and Stan Foster (Tour Of Duty). And in fact, some of the jokes actually work (Hawn: "we're going beat those Cougars and spit them out like so many furballs". Snipes: "Let's eat some pussy".) Fun for all.

This film is an all time classic. Everyone's seen it, so I wont bother with the plot. (If you haven't, you lack the very basics!!!) It's light as a feather, yet professionally crafted. The cast is excellent: Woody Harelson and Wesley Snipes are always a winner duo, but the star of the movie is doubtlessly no other than Goldie Hawn. I don't know any other actresses, who could be this funny, lovely and sweet through a whole movie. And It's the young Goldie Hawn you'll watch during the playtime, so she has an additional amount of cuteness enforcing her personal sexual charisma. AND there is a scene where she's totally naked. It has nothing to do with the plot, it only meant for our pleasure. This move represents the happiest segment of the 80's:)