Necropolis: Die Blutsauger von Manhattan

It's a bad day for movies at my place. First I have to stop watching "Funeral Home" due to boredom. Then I put in this movie. Good thing I had my horror magazines to read during the slow parts. One scene with 3 pairs of dripping breasts (on one witch) cannot carry a whole movie.

It begins in the 1600's, yet the witch is wearing 80's make-up and underwear. Also she is doing a none-too-cool 80's dance. I go to 80's dance clubs and have seen nothing so goofy looking as these ridiculous steps. Not as bad as "Ghoulies IV", but quite bad.

This movie is about a witch that comes back 300 years later and dominates people by using mind control ideas into making people commit murder and suicide. This movie is awful, cheezy dance moves that aren't even fit for the oldest disco club in the world, cheap makeup that makes even the 80's version of Barbie look more attractive and fake rubber looking boobs. Need I say more, this movie is just plain terrible.

"Necropolis" is passable entertainment as far as this kind of low, low budget cheese ball horror goes. It stars LeeAnne Baker as Eva, a witch in 17th century New Amsterdam who lives on through the ages. In the 20th century, she's reincarnated as a leather wearing, motorcycle riding punk babe in a miniskirt. Here she goes about her business of sucking the life out of various chump victims, or otherwise using her power of suggestion to get them to off themselves. Her other order of business is finding some all powerful Satanic ring which further helps her to extend her life span.

Pretty much everything about this agreeably stupid movie is inane, from the dialogue to the characters to the nonsensical "story", concocted by director Bruce Hickey. Of course, you just *know* this one is going to stink to high heaven, seeing that also listed in the credits is Tim Kincaid ("Breeders", "Riot on 42nd Street") as a producer. Ed French supplies the special makeup effects, and as usual his work is about as good as it could have been given whatever minimal budget he must have had. He should take a bow for the one unqualified highlight that "Necropolis" can boast. I won't reveal much, but let's just say that it involves several breasts and several thirsty ghouls.

The performances are every bit as lame as one can expect. Baker is sexy, no doubt about that, but she's pretty dull as an antagonist. Michael Conte is the cop investigating the trail of bodies that she leaves behind, Jacquie Fitz is the reporter whom Conte romances, and William K. Reed is the knowledgeable reverend who looks after troubled youth.

If the prospective viewer is looking for something that they can jeer at with friends, "Necropolis" should fit the bill.

By the way, if you think the score sounds familiar at times, that's because "Necropolis" uses music from the movies "Eliminators", "Trancers", and "The Alchemist".

Five out of 10.

New Amsterdam, 1686: evil witch Eva (LeeAnne Baker) interrupts the marriage of Dawn (Jacquie Fitz) and William (Michael Conte), psychically summoning the virgin bride to a Satanic altar to be sacrificed in a ritual that would grant Eva eternal life. Dawn's throat is cut, but before the ceremony can be completed, Eva is killed by priest Henry (William K. Reed).

300 years later, and Eva, reincarnated as a peroxide-blonde punk biker chick with bad make-up, proceeds to suck the life energy from unfortunate New Yorkers to feed to her mouldy zombie acolytes (via her three sets of ectoplasm-oozing tits!); once fully revived, these manky minions seek out the reincarnation of Dawn, so that the witch can finish what she has started. Can Italian cop Billy and do-gooder Rev. James, the 20th century reincarnations of William and Henry, prevent her from succeeding?

Six breasts are better than two, as the old saying goes, but even with its triple-chested, zombie-suckling witch bitch, Necropolis proves to be a frustratingly dull slice of 80s schlock horror, with a dreadful script and uninspired direction from Bruce Hickey, and dire performances all round. There are, of course, a few giggles to be had from the sheer ineptitude of proceedings—Baker's embarrassingly bad impromptu interpretive dance routines are good for a laugh, as is the bloody decapitation of a zombie that continues to scream long after his noggin has gone—but when you're not sniggering, you'll probably be yawning.

3.5 out of 10, generously rounded up to four for IMDb.

A 300 year old motorcycle riding punk witch looks for a virgin sacrifice in order to keep her youth.

Tries for style but falls flat on its face with some of the most inept writing, direction, and acting ever. This movie is one painful experience to set through. And the ending leaves an open door for a sequel, but think goodness one hasn't been made!! My rating: 1 out of 10.

Rated R for Strong Violence, Nudity, Language, Mild Sexual Content, Adult Themes, and a woman with more then two breasts. 77 minutes. It seems more like 2 hours though.