Lauderdale

This is the worst movie I ever saw. Not kidding. When we first rented it, people either left the building, fell asleep or started fighting within 15 minutes. We stopped the movie, but a few days later we rented it again - maybe this was really the worst movie ever! And it was! Some movies are so bad, they are fun to watch, but this one is a struggle! It has no plot at all, to guys go to Ft. Lauderdale to party and that's it. When there's only 10 minutes left, they finally realize that the movie is about to end and they have no ending because there is no story. So they have to come up with a conflict in a hurry and solve it just as quickly, which is actually quite funny.... but you have to stay awake through what seems to be an eternity of complete, extreme, horrible boredom before.

"Larry Wilson" (Darrel Guilbeau) is a student at UCLA who is serious about his studies but also happens to be in search for the perfect woman. His buddy "Animal" (Jeff Greenman) is also a student but his main interest is partying. One day Larry and Animal happen to meet "Heather Lipton" (Janine Lindemulder) and Larry falls head over heals for her. Suddenly out of nowhere two thugs try to kidnap her but she manages to escape when both Larry and Animal come to her rescue. What results is a mad dash from one state to another as both Larry and one of Heather's associates named "Jane Beaumont" (Michelle Kemp) try to track down Heather who is being chased by the same two thugs led by a young woman named "Rachel Thorne" (Lara Belmonte). Now rather than reveal any more about this movie and risk spoiling it for those who haven't seen it I will just say that it had some good points and some bad points. For starters all three ladies just mentioned were quite attractive and certainly lent some nice scenery to the screen. Likewise, there were plenty of other young women in bikinis to help out as well. However, the plot meandered all over the place and there really wasn't much else to this movie. The comedy wasn't that sharp and everything else was rather predictable. That said this is one of those films where you have to turn off your brain and just appreciate the sight of gorgeous women frolicking in their swimsuits. Even so that isn't quite enough for me to rate this movie any higher than I have. Slightly below average.

There ought to be a MST3K-type show that shows these cheap, racy, knock-off spring-break movies. This particular show is one of my favorites because I was going to Nova University in Ft. Lauderdale when this movie was filmed. City Limits is an actual club, and the actual house band appeared in the movie. The best scene is the shot of "star" Janine Lindemulder (she appeared in Penthouse and now does porn) jamming with Frank Vocale and the band (nice hair, Frank!). They then cut to the next scene of a bar in the club, the music still playing in the background . . . and the band members are sitting at the bar having a drink!!

This totally mindless film is a combination of a road movie, sex comedy, beach movie and crime comedy but despite all that it is generic lowest common denominator entertainment all the way. Despite the title, the action only gets to the beach resort Lauderdale - which is like an American version of Ayia Napa - for the last half hour of the runtime. The rest involves a missing girl, deeply moronic criminals and a road trip cross country. There is lots of dumb humour, beach babes and upbeat music from the never-popular Rebel Pebbles (a poor man's Go-Go's). The protagonists are full-on stereotypes - the nerdy guy, his clinically obese and out of control party animal best friend, the dream girl and the down-to-earth girl who our nerd ultimately realises he is actually in love with. Its barely got a functioning script and is generally quite intelligence-free, yet it is so relentlessly generic and commercial in its outlook that I did find it - relatively - entertaining.

If you're watching a movie called Spring Break USA, you're not expecting high art, but this is bad even by crappy sex comedy standards. Sure you get some required nudity, but the comedy is beyond bad and the story is full of holes. The music mix is off so you can barely hear the dialogue. It starts off bad and never manages to rise above mediocre. This ain't Porky's, Screwballs, or even Hardbodies.