Die phantastische Geisternacht

A woman tormented by ghostly apparitions and a professor of psychic phenomena (Paul LeMat) investigate other-worldly disturbances and unlock the secret of a malevolent force reaching out for vengeance from beyond the grave.

Oh, Paul LeMat, how the almost mighty have fallen. You went from being a star in "American Graffiti" to doing this film and "Puppet Master". You could have been a contender! Now, I am not trying to be rude, Paul. You are a fine actor and have a strong screen presence. How did you start getting these offers rather than blockbusters? Why did Harrison Ford get to be Han Solo instead of you?

The story and effects here are not bad, sort of like a toned down "Ghost Busters" (and not nearly as funny). Except here you sort of have to coax ghosts out rather than capture them. (In "Ghost Busters" they seem to be eternal and can only be stored. Here they "cross over" if wrongs have been put right.)

I cannot say this is the best film about a haunting. Not by far. But it is not bad, either. Watch this only if you have already seen "Changeling" -- that is a far superior film.

Troubled Iris seeks the help of a paranormal psychologist/university professor who himself can't let go of his deceased wife and thus is about to be fired, to investigate hauntings at her cabin.

I saw this film on Instant Netflix under the title "Secret Screams", but no matter which moniker the movie goes by it's awful nonetheless. the acting is sub-par, the little special effects the film uses are hokey even for '80's standards, nothing really happens for a good 2/3rds of the movie and the plot is simply a jumbled mess. chalk this one up as an exercise in tedium.

My Grade: D-

Renée Soutendijk was a very popular actress in The Netherlands and Belgium, where I grew up during the 80s and early 90s, and a beloved sex-symbol thanks to her roles in local cult-classics like "Spetters" and "De Vierde Man". At the end of the 80s, she aspired an international career, but it was over very quickly, and I still don't fully understand why, because the few movies she made in the US were interesting; like this "Grave Secrets" and the Sci-Fi thriller "Eve of Destruction". She's a good actress, and her English is almost completely accent-free, which can't be said from most Dutch performers trying their luck in Hollywood.

That being said, "Grave Secrets" is a sorely lacking and disappointing horror. Especially for being produced in the late 80s, the film doesn't nearly deliver enough in the gore and sleaze department, and this despite numerous shocking & controversial themes in the plot (incest, rape, baby murder, ...). The main and obvious problem is that all the good stuff is saved up until the final 10-15 minutes. The first 70 minutes are far too dull, vague, and bloodless. The most exhilarating thing happening for a long time is a ghostly force throwing a raw egg in the face of paranormal investigator Paul Le Mat, go figure! The climax is fun, with a glorious over-the-top role for stunt man Bob Herron, but it comes too little too late to fix everything.

There are three writers credited with the script. None of them seem to know how a normal human being would react in any given situation and the director doesn't seem to care. At least one of them wanted this to be a comedy.

The actors aren't bad ones, but their performances are so forced that it's painful to watch. Then again, they are playing unrealistic, idiotic characters speaking ridiculous dialogue, so it's difficult to blame them.

You'll want to strangle each one of them personally while watching this. David Warner's part in this is small, so be warned if you're hoping to see a lot of him. You won't.

If it hadn't been for the general premise, the camera work and lighting, the passable effects, and a half-decent score, I would not have kept watching. I don't know how many times I said, "Oh dumb," and "This doesn't make any sense!"

If you make it to the end, you'll be shaking your head in disbelief, wondering how something like this got made, and potentially laughing your ass off at the ridiculousness of it. I can't recommend this mess to anyone.

Holy moly, was this hard to get through. I have to confess to watching it in two parts and, by the time I'd got round to watching the second half, I'd pretty much forgotten what had gone on before. I decided to start again from the beginning until I realised that nothing much of any interest had happened and I could just skip back to the midway point where I'd originally left off.

It feels like one of those 'made-for-TV' movies based off a Stephen King story that seemed to be very popular in the eighties. Those weren't very good - and yet they were head and shoulders over this offering. It's about a woman who's troubled by a ghost and, seeing as the 'Ghostbusters' were obviously way too busy to help out, she enlists the help of a college professor with an interest in the paranormal.

And, er, that's about it for the most part. Almost nothing happens until about ten minutes before the end. The characters are ugly (meow!) and they do quite dumb things. It looks like the film-makers put everything into one make-up scene a few almost passable special effects right at the end. But that was way too little too late to make this worth sitting through.