The White Monster

Weak adaption turns the classic Lovecraft story into another run of the mill teenagers are in danger flick. It also suffers from a poor creature effects and a laughable ending. Film has a group of college students going to a mansion that local legend has it is haunted by an unnameable creature lurking in the attic. Unrated; Graphic Violence and Nudity.

Students from Miskatonic University pay a visit to an abandoned old house that, as legend has it, was once home to a creature so ugly that it was dubbed 'The Unnamable'. Surprise, surprise... the monster is still there, trapped by a magic spell cast by its father, and it's not a happy bunny!

After the success of Re-animator and From Beyond, H. P. Lovecraft was hot property. The Unnamable is based one of the horror author's short stories, which is padded out to feature length by lots of aimless wandering around the film's spooky house by the protagonists. The filler material is rather pedestrian, but director Jean-Paul Ouellette livens things up sporadically with some gnarly gore (best moments: a juicy torn throat, and a mangled body falling to the floor, brains spilling from its open cranium) and a spot of nudity (courtesy of Laura Albert, as freshman hottie Wendy), all guaranteed to keep the audience watching until the final reveal of the monster, which looks a lot better than I had expected given how long it had remained hidden: with vicious fangs, wings, and horns, and a natty pair of cloven Ugg boots for good measure, it's a creepy looking creature that is worth the wait.

The fun ending sees bookish student Randolph Carter (Mark Kinsey Stephenson) reading from the Necronomicon (which just happens to be lying around the house) to invoke tree spirits that defeat the monster, allowing fellow students Howard Damon (Charles Klausmeyer) and Tanya Heller (Alexandra Durrell) to escape from the house.

Apparently, in olden times (the 1800's?) a monster killed its human father in gory fashion. Fast-forward to modern times (1988), and a group of college students decide to spend the night in the creaky house where the awfulness took place. Bloody horror soon unfolds.

Let's face facts, in a movie such as this it's all about the monster. So, is this particular beastie up to snuff? Well, yes. It's clear that 99% of the low budget went into the costume / makeup and gore effects, which explains the ultra-cheap sets and pitifully bad "flashback" sequences.

Of course, before we get a good look at the creature, we must endure an eternity of dullness, and a dump truck load of malarkey, mostly provided by the idiot behavior of the victims. The only semi-interesting character is Randolph Carter (Mark Kinsey Stephenson), a role that the likes of Jeffrey Combs would have played to the hilt! Overall, not a terrible way to waste an evening.

EXTRA POINTS FOR: The Miskatonic University sweatshirt, that any true Lovecraft fan would want!...

I have heard some people say that H.P. Lovecraft's works are unfilmable. I guess that I would say that they did a worthy job with "The Unnamable", but aside from the fact that another movie with a grotesque monster's property getting invaded by horny teens seems a little silly, the people here can't really act (well duh; these movies don't star Katharine Hepburn). Particularly laughable is the line "You're very brave." And if you remember the rules laid out in "Scream", you can guess which people survive here.

So, this is pretty much a way to pass time. For better efforts at filming Lovecraft stories, there's "Die Monster Die!" and "The Dunwich Horror".

I've often wondered why some authors like to primarily identify themselves with initials. In the case of H. P. Lovecraft, perhaps he foresaw how the future would be filled with substandard filmings of his writings, and it would be a way to distance himself from them! For a real cheapie, I guess it isn't bad; it's cheap, though less so than you'd think, and the monster design is passable. There are also some acceptable flesh-rippings and a decent amount of blood, at least in the unrated cut (the version I saw.) What it's really missing are characters we can bother to care about, and a tighter story with much more happening (including more explanation); don't be surprised if you find yourself picking up a book while you're watching it. I guess it must have found an audience, seeing how there was a sequel made several years later, but don't expect to read a user comment from me about it anytime in the future!