Beast You!

This film is the work of the auteur DeCoteau and boasts of a cast that contains three members of the All-Century Eye Candy team (Brinke Stevens, Michelle Bauer, and Linnea Quigley). The underlying message of this film is the horrors of hazing within the Greek system and its potential for things to go bad. The two pledges are played by the ever-so-lovely Ms. Stevens and the majestic beauty Ms. Bauer. Our third All-Century member, the sultry Ms. Quigley appears at a later juncture but alas does not play a role that allows her to bare her soul. However, Ms. Stevens (ahhh!) and Ms. Bauer (oooh!) give a knockout performance as a 1-2-3 punch: they get paddled, then sprayed with whipped cream, followed by a shower. Further into the film , Ms. Bauer gets to show more of her talents when her character gets possessed. Unfortunately, we here at the academy can't give classic status to this film. However, don't deny the fact that 2/3 of the All-Century team deliver the goodies and that is a winning percentage.

Although I hold Dave DeCouteau, Fred Olen Ray, and Jim Wynorski personally responsible for the decline of the low-budget horror genre into brain-dead comedy and boring, softcore porn, they did create a handful of relatively non-awful movies between them. This is probably DeCouteau's best movie ever (kind of like being the best venereal disease ever, I know). For one thing it doesn't all take place in one house. There are three (!) bonafide locations: a sorority house, a dorm room, and, of course, a bowl-a-rama. It also features three of the most famous 80's "scream queens"--Brinke Stevens, Michelle Bauer, and Linnea Quigley. And though two of the three of them do the obligatory undraping scenes, DecCouteau doesn't use the nudity to simply paper over the total lack of a plot a la his earlier "Nightmare Sisters", for instance, which features the three of them cavorting in a hot tub for what seems like half the movie (even though by the late 80's seeing this ubiquitous trio naked was about as exciting as peeping on your spouse of ten years). And while the movie, like most vintage DeCouteau, is painfully unfunny, it does have a creative and completely off-the-wall plot (which was probably cribbed from "Hell Night", "The Initiation", and/or "The Outing", but nevermind). Catching this late at night on "USA Up All Night" fifteen years or so ago, I even remember being mildly entertained (even if I probably wasn't too sober at the time). OK, it still sucks, but if you are ever forced at gunpoint to watch something from the DeCouteau-Ray-Wynorski collective oeuvre you could do (a lot) worse.

Damn you Oscar comedy, why was this movie not nominated for best picture? Hmmmm, maybe it was the "pointless" nudity. Sure, I guess all nudity has a point as long as it is not ugly fat guys nude. This movie just leaves the viewer with one undeniable question...where can I find a sorority house with open group showers? Watch it with someone you love.

In the running for the cheesiest movie I've ever seen (right up there with "Zombie Lake") this film started out extremely slow. I have to admit, I almost turned it off. It got a little better about 30 minutes in, luckily.

The plot is absurd and the script is poorly penned. The acting is third or fourth rate. Three 'nerds' spy on some sorority girls. They get caught and then as punishment get 'forced' into a prank that the initiating girls must pull off in order to get into the sorority. They are attempting to steal a bowling trophy (what the hell???) from a bowling alley and they unleash a horrible imp who grants them wishes that turn into curses.

Linnea Quigley's punk rock criminal character is the only thing that saves this movie at all. She has some awesome lines and shines as the best actor in the bunch (sadly.) Also, a dude gets decapitated and they bowl his head down the lane which was pretty nice.

Definitely the kind of movie you saw on USA Up All Night back in the 90's. Chock-full of ridiculous high school fantasies. Yikes! 4 out of 10, kids.

David DeCoteau has somehow managed to come up with a winner here. An outstanding cast most probably has something to do with it, i.e. Lead singer/songwriter of Washington band The Previous, Andras Jones, The B-Queens, Bauer, Quigley, and Stevens, and a slew of others. This was also one of the best performances by the late Robin Rochelle Stille. Definitely worth checking out!