Monster Hospital

I won't even go into how funny, obnoxious, or drab this movie is (you can get all that from the title, or just the picture on the cover). I won't get into why I even watched it, because I don't know why, other than that I owned it for some reason. All I want to talk about is how amorally horrible it is. Okay, so it's bad to over-analyze dreck like this, but at least it kept me slightly ocupied while I half-hazardly watched it. "Bob" (Mark Blankfeld), channelling gene wilder), is a snide twerp who steals and blackmails, let alone harasses his assistant. The assistant (Iggy- cute, huh? Played by Leslie Jordan- avoid all movies with this whining puffball at all costs) murders people. The "sexy" dominatrix psychiatrist has random sex with a monster. The monster throws a blind girl out the window (this scene might've been funny if a better director did it, but it just comes off sort of stupidly chilling (?) to me here). These are the good guys. And the bad guys? Well, there's the evil head of the hospital, who's upset... because people are dying in his hospital. Then there's the oafish Dr. who cries because he's being framed for killing his patients. Then there's the sinister professor who wants revenge on Bob... because bob stole his experiment. Yeah, great character development, guys. Next time you make a crappy movie at least try to make the heroes likable. Oh yeah, the acting's okay.

You know you're in trouble when Kathy Shower is both the most recognizable name and the best actress in the cast. Actually, there isn't enough Kathy Shower in "Frankenstein General Hospital" to save it. The film does boast one good idea - shooting all the laboratory scenes in black & white, as a kind of homage to the old Frankenstein classics. Other than that, it is boring, amateurish and witless. * out of 4.

I thought that Mark Blankfield was fairly amusing in horror comedy Jekyll and Hyde... Together Again (1982), but in Frankenstein General Hospital he provides about as much laughs as a children's oncology ward.

A blatant attempt at trying to mimic the madcap humour of Mel Brook's Young Frankenstein, this woeful medical mess is really hard going: Blankfield is no Gene Wilder, director Deborah Sahagun is no Brooks, and writers Robert Deel and Michael Kelly clearly recognised their lack of talent soon after and gave up the film biz.

The film sees Dr. Bob Frankenstein (Blankfield), great-great-grandson of the legendary monster-maker, continuing his ancestor's experiments in the basement of a general hospital, which provides all of the necessary equipment and body parts; aiding him in his work is his diminutive loyal assistant Iggy (Leslie Jordan). The pair continuously run the risk of being discovered by hospital boss Dr. Frank Reutgar, who wants to find out what Bob's 'secret experiment' (cue godawful running gag) is all about.

I can honestly say that I never laughed once, but I groaned more than someone with a ruptured appendix. All of the jokes flat-line; there's no injecting any life into the movie, no matter how hard the cast try. To rub salt in the wound, just when I thought the film was over, it turns out that it's not quite the end: jeez, haven't we suffered enough?

Oh well, at least there's three hot women on duty to help ease the pain, two of whom go topless for their art (including Playboy Playmate Kathy Shower).

On balance, it must be said that I had heard a lot of terrible things about Frankenstein General Hospital before purchasing it, some of which were absolutely right, like that it relies more on Young Frankenstein than it does Mary Shelley's original novel, and some of which were bold-faced lies, like that it's the worst Frankenstein film ever made. I have seen far worse Frankenstein films, like Jerry Warren's Frankenstein Island. This film is a very poor man's Young Frankenstein set in a Los Angeles General Hospital with volume on the sexual puns turned way up. It deals with Mark Blankfield's Dr. Bob Frankenstein, with the help of his dwarf assistant Iggy, creating a new Monster (Irwin Keyes) in his black and white laboratory in the basement of a Los Angeles General Hospital run by a bunch of money hungry, sex-starved nitwits.

When I say Frankenstein General Hospital is the horror spoof equivalent to Fozzie Bear, I mean it's so unfunny that it's fun to watch, particularly on a double-video bill with Gene Wilder and Mel Brooks' masterpiece. The best things about this movie are Mark Blankfield, Leslie Jordan as Iggy and Irwin Keyes as the Monster, who are trying the best they can to make you forget you're watching a cheap Young Frankenstein knock-off (and thanks to them, you almost want to). Most people have accused Blankfield and Keyes of ripping off Gene Wilder and Peter Boyle respectively, but I'm guessing they realized this was what they were supposed to do. It's not really all that funny, but give it a chance before you call it the worst Frankenstein movie ever made (if you can find it).

However, charming actors and a few clever bits like having the basement lab in B&W with everything else in color and the Monster's visit with a blind girl in the hospital can't save the movie from its' major problem: It is a Frankenstein parody set in a hospital. A good rule of thumb when you're making a parody of hospitals, I mean aside from DON'T DO IT, IT WON'T WORK, HOSPITALS ARE NOT FUNNY, is that if it is also a parody of something else like the horror or action genre, you must concentrate on one type of joke or the other.

Yes, this movie is stupid. It is stupid in a special kind of way, however. A sort of dry, later 1980s "Night Court" inspired stupidity that can often work if you are stoned, tired, bored, or in need of a life. I was tired and maybe a bit stoned, but honestly, after about a half an hour of one of the most obnoxious set-up periods for a horror/comedy satire/parody I have seen this actually became painless, and at times even somewhat enjoyable.

The opening passage is atrocious: I'd say maybe fast-forward to about the 10 minute mark on your first time through. It took me two watches to "get" the movie's sense of humor, though the insight I had on the second perusal is that the opening 10 minutes were SO annoying that they stilted my perceptions of the remainder of the film. Familiar 80s/90s TV & bit movie actor Mark Blankfield -- perhaps best known in the worst kind of way for his lead role in the made-for-TV abomination THE JERK, TOO -- plays yuppie doctor Robert Frankenstein, director of a TV sitcom hospital populated by people like Ben Stein, sexy redhead sexpot nurse Katie Caple (who's elevator scene steals the show) and former Playboy Playmate of the Year Kathy Shower. Right.

Ms. Shower is actually the 2nd most interesting thing in the script, playing a high-heeled glasses wearing psychiatrist hot mom type who is also a practicing dominatrix. I take it I have your attention now. The most interesting thing in the film, though, is Irwin Keyes' "Monster", who's idea of going on a rampage consists of swiping a punk's leather jacket and boombox & cruising the halls of the hospital looking for things to knock over, starting with Kathy Shower who it turns out was looking for just such a man all her life. What's even more fascinating is that Mr. Keyes appears to be playing the Frankenstein monster without any special makeup effects other than some eye shadow & greasepaint stitchmarks. He came looking like that, kudos to the casting director at any rate.

Like I said, this movie has something to it. The people who made it weren't stupid, though in spite of the movies dry sense of humor the word subtlety was not in their vocabulary. The film "looks" stupid, or was rather crafted to appear stupid on initial glance. The second time through you start to realize that Dr. Frankenstein is sort of on his own wavelength; he seems to look through people when he's talking to them, and while he doesn't have any truly memorable one-liners a lot of what he has to say is genuinely amusing. The side antics like his twisted little Igor type Iggy I could have done without, however, and the mixture of some genuinely R-rated nudity & fake gore juxtaposed against the adolescent, pin-headed humor is offbeat.

One other contributor did sum it up best, however, when stating that hospitals are not that funny once you get down to it. My guess is that the producers were more interested in updating the Frankenstein mythology without appearing to mimic YOUNG FRANKENSTEIN, which isn't easy. Mel Brooks' superior parody got it's foot in the cement first so any subsequent film sending up Frankenstein will inevitably draw unfavorable comparison. I wouldn't even go so far as to say that this is an updating of those ideas for a late 1980s television comedy mindset, more a sort of quirky, half-throwaway project that appears to be too stupid for it's own good.

Until the girls rip their nurses costumes off, that is. Funny how important an element is to a movie like this, cos otherwise there really is no reason to bother with it when the whole Frankenstein movie tradition itself is so absurd as to be hilarious without any embellishments. Take any one of the Hammer Frankenstein films with Peter Cushing and watch it in a MST3K kind of environment and you'll find three times as much to laugh at, if you bother to think about how silly they all really are. If you can't, try this movie. It isn't very good but then again if you are looking to Frankenstein for your comedy you probably deserve whatever you get.

5/10, which is admittedly generous but it made me laugh; Try it on a double bill with the equally obscure DR. HACKENSTEIN.