Beach Balls

For the first few moments, as the characters were introduced, "Beach Balls" looked like it was going to be a cut above the typical '80s boob comedy. The characters seemed a little more relatable and human, and the movie had a likeable protagonist. There was also a more interesting dynamic than the usual nerd-vs-jock thing, in that there was a lifeguard after a girl whose main problem is not that he's a jerk, but that he is uptight and takes his job really seriously.

But then, disaster struck. The movie went nowhere and did nothing with any of these characters or situations. It features two musical numbers, as awful as you know to expect, and a boring party sequence at the end, and not much else. It becomes dreadfully boring, and pointless. I couldn't wait for it to end.

Oh, and it has barely any nudity, surprisingly. I only noticed one, dimly lit topless scene.

This used to be a staple on Cinemax's late night lineup. It was somehow entertaining enough to keep me watching every time I saw it on the TV. It didn't fare quite so well when USA showed a butchered version on "Up All Night." So in a nutshell, it is a mindless film about metalheads partying at the beach, but got the job done somehow. The cast is not stellar, but they were pleasant and fitting for this low budget film. I recommend it if you're in the mood for something VERY light and though it seems dated in 1999, it just might take you back.

Charlie Harrison dreams of being a rock star and, with the help of friends and a gang of local toughs, he arranges a concert in his house for a big time record producer, or at least that is what Charlie thought he was arranging.

By any objective measure, this film should be no more than a 4 or 5 out of 10. But I am by no means required to be objective, and for that reason have given this film a very rare high rating. Why? Because it was mindlessly fun, yet still brilliantly scripted. This is the sort of film that could be enjoyed again and again because it is just so cleverly senseless.

I would love to see a blu-ray company like Arrow Video pick this up. The DVD is full-screen and not terribly clean (maybe a VHS transfer?). Does this film deserve a major upgrade? I think so.

"Charlie Harrison" (Phillip Paley) is a nice young man who wants to be a guitarist in a rock group but recently got into trouble for driving a car that he didn't know was stolen. As a result, his mother no longer has any faith or confidence in him and his older sister "Kathleen" (Leslie Danon) feeds into that by belittling him at every opportunity. Additionally, he has a crush on a pretty girl named "Wendy" (Heidi Helmer) but can't seem to make any headway with her because she has a brother named "Doug" (Tod Bryant) who refuses to allow any guys to get close to her. To make matters even worse, Wendy is intensely attracted to a young musician named "Keith" (Douglas R, Starr) who plays in a rock band and because of that she isn't romantically inclined for Charlie at all. Yet, in spite of all of that, he isn't one to give up and with help from his good friend "Scully" (Steven Tash) comes up with a grand scheme to turn things around. Now rather than reveal any more I will just say that this turned out to be a fairly typical "beach film" produced in the 80's which tended to be somewhat low on comedy but still entertaining to a certain degree. Likewise, the fact that this was a Roger Cormen production greatly explains the low-budget nature of the film as well. Be that as it may, while this wasn't a particularly good film by any means it wasn't that bad and for that reason, I have rated it as only slightly below average.

A late-night classic that I only wish was on more often. Low budget with an exaggerated plot typical to 80's B-movies, Beach Balls offers exactly what you want to see: mindless yet quoteable entertainment. Beach Balls is one of those movies that you'll watch again and again on cable, or even after taping to VHS, but if you were to see it in a theater, you'd walk away disappointed. This is why I've limited myself to viewing only special/Oscar favorite movies in a theater.

Beach Balls will leave you walking away with a whole new appreciation for ordering a lemon wedge with your water at your favorite restaurant.