2020 - Texas Gladiators

Yes you heard right! One UPS Delivery Truck ...full of neo Nazis led by the "black one" (or as I like to call him "the bald one").

After an "atomic war" was shattered civilization, rouge gangs of bikers, green mutants and one brown UPS Delivery truck full of neo Nazis aim to take over the world... well not exactly the world, just the state of Texas. It is a good thing Dubya hasn't seen this movie, or he might declare war on the UPS corporation for harboring neo Nazis terrorists in their delivery vans! This movie is simply unimaginable! How any of the actors kept a straight face during filming is beyond me! Most everything in the previous comments about this movie's plot is accurate and there isn't much I can add. The plot, if there is one, is void of anything - other than the countless rape scenes (that left me sick to my stomach), a lot of cheesy gun battles and the "black one's" sinister laugh is to die for! Even more funny is how the lowly Texians are trapped in their makeshift fort fending off a highly trained army...kinda reminded me of the Alamo Battle! And don't forget the brilliant portray of the American Indian, priceless ...or maybe not.

What is even more ironic about this movie is how violent it is! When I was 13 years old - I rented this movie! Yes - I walked into a video store and rented the movie with no questions asked! I recently obtained a copy of the movie off Ebay.com - simply to add to my collection of Cold War/End of the World movies.

I rate this movie a 5 out of 10 ...only because the UPS Delivery like truck full of neo Nazis and the "black one's" sinister laugh will have you laughing your butt off until doomsday does us all in!

The year is 2020.

The place is Texas.

The setting is the aftermath of the great nuclear war that devastated everything. In this new environment, man has deteriorated to the level of beast.

The opening scene is the carnage at a "church" (which looks like a deserted warehouse with a cross, a statue, a priest dressed in all red and two nuns). Apparently these savage men (they look prehistoric) are attacking. The priest is being assaulted and nailed to a cross, while the nuns are being raped and ravaged. In the midst of this (after enough watching) our 5 Texas Gladiators appear and kill everyone who isn't a priest or nun. One of the Gladiators, Catch Dog, rapes(I'm not sure if he's successful. It looks like no to me, but the others are sure he has.) a young girl (Maida - Sabrina Siani) he's found. The other Gladiators take offense to this and dishonorably discharge him into the desert. Apparently they have a strict moral code and go around the wastelands enforcing their own brand of justice.

We are then thrust into the future, where one of the remaining four (Nisus - Al Cliver) has joined Maida at this research facility where they are developing their own power supply. Apparently they have a daughter as well. Not sure when this happened. Time sure flies in the future. No wonder that gold watch is so coveted. Catch Dog then shows up with a whole bunch of guys on motorcycle and they attack the compound. Think of the Road Warrior, except change from gas to nuclear, and make everything really crappy looking. This is then followed up by Catch Dog's ally showing up in an old, beat up truck all painted black. Of course I mean Donald O'Brien and his brown jumpsuit paratroopers (they all wear black motorcycle helmets and have these giant shields with holes in them). These guys have "modern" weapons and decimate the entire facility. After, Maida gets raped yet again, Nisus is killed and we are transported, without warning, into the future again.

The director, having stolen every cliché from every post-modern-cataclysm movie, begins to steal from other genres (a.k.a. - The Deer Hunter). We are now in a bar, playing Russian roulette. This is not a Christopher Walken moment. It is actually pretty dull and laughable by comparison. Anyway, it turns out Maida is now the property of this gambler. The remaining 3 Gladiators turn their attention to him, when they discover he has one of their "amulets" (its just a circular pendant with a 5 on it.... it could be a nickle with a hole in it for all we care). They win and get the girl, but two are sent off to a hard labor mine for causing so much trouble. The third rescues them and somehow Maida becomes the fourth honorary member of the group. She seeks revenge and the plan becomes to take down Catch Dog and the Black One (a.k.a - Donald's O'Brien's impersonation of a bald, crazy SS officer).

This movie is ridiculous on so many levels. Continuity, plot, transition, sets, props, costumes are all meaningless. This is an Italian rip off of something. This is like 2019 : After the Fall of New York, except that was actually not bad. Maybe this was the sequel to that ??

Anyway, this movie is horrible. Its so bad, one can't stop laughing. The sets consist of filming in rock quarries, mines, abandoned factories/warehouses and the woods. The props all look like something that was left behind in Italy after the Nazi's were defeated. Did anyone notice the Gradius video game in the bar ? All the actors and stunt people got their 2 day course diploma from the William Shatner School of Acting and Fighting. We also get a lot of travel time (think Manos : The Hands of Fate). We get to see a lot of going somewhere, either by walking, running or driving. What is nice is Sabrina Siani. She was very hot. She gets plenty of screen time (this includes her numerous rape scenes) and a lot of running is involved. If one was careful enough and seen many of these Italian knock-offs, one might notice the familiar breasts. Yes, thats right. She's the body of Ocran, from Lucio Fulci's Conquest.

The movie is not quite as smooth as 2019, but it has it's own moments. It is quite silly (especially at the end when it turns into a western) and definitely worth watching if you've got time and laughs to spare, or if you're looking for something to cheer you up. To sum it up in one idea : the director, Joe' D'Amato, is responsible for giving us Ator the Invincible (Miles O'Brien !!! NO! NO! NOOOOOO !!!!).

2020 Texas Gladiators (1982)

** (out of 4)

A post-apocalyptic Texas is the setting for this Joe D'Amato film, which has a group of good guys (led by Al Cliver) going through and cleaning up the rougher parts of the city. One of their members, a real nut case, decides to try and rape a woman so he is beaten and kicked out of the group. Sure enough, he forms his own bad guy group and soon he's attacking our good people.

I'm purposely using lame terms like "good guys" and "bad guys" because the film is pretty darn simple like that. There's really not too much of a plot but I'm sure you already know that and especially if you're familiar with these Italian MAD MAX wannabe films. This here is yet another film like that but I must say that I think John Carpenter's ESCAPE FROM NEW YORK had an influence on many films from this genre, including this one.

D'Amato, Cliver and several of the crew members also did ENDGAME, another post-apocalyptic film an that one there is slightly better but this one here has a few good things going for it. The highlight of the film are obviously the various action scenes, which certainly show their low-budget nature but at the same time the scenes are at least fun and there are a couple nice kills throughout including one man who gets his chest pretty much brutally attacked. There's even a scene where a nun cuts her throat (twice!?!) to try and avoid the bad guys attacking her.

Performances are pretty much what you'd expect out of a film like this but when is Cliver (ZOMBIE) not worth watching? He makes for a good lead and certainly helps keep you entertained in what you're watching. As you'd expect, all of the women are quite beautiful so that's always a major plus.

2020 Texas GLADIATORS isn't a film that's going to win any major awards but it's certainly entertaining enough to make it worth watching if you're a fan of D'Amato or the genre.

My review was written in November 1985 after watching the film on Media Home Entertainment video cassette.

"2020 Texas Gladiators" is an incomprehensible action pic, made during the 1982-83 boom in Italian takeoffs on "Mad Max" and similar films. New Line Cinema mulled a theatrical release last year (under new title "Sudden Death") for this item from Helen Sarlui's Continental Motion Pictures banner, but instead it is going direct to home video by MHE release.

Absent any Texas location establishing footage, this made-in-Rome property opens with a telltale scene of post-nuclear war marauders attacking a priest and nuns. A group of "rangers" (our heroes) defeat the baddies, but one ranger Catch Dog (Daniel Stephen) tries to rape heroine Maida (Sabrina Siani) and is banished from their group by nominal leader Nisus (Al Cliver).

Without any exposition, next sequence is apparently several years later, with Nisus working at a petroleum refinery and Maida taking care of a cute little girl (revealed to be her daughter several reels later). Catch Dog shows up leading a bunch of marauders on 250-cc. Motorcycles, riot police arrive in a battletruck and are protected by bullet-repelling thermal shields, and a Nazi-styled leader named Black One (Donal O'Brien) tries to set up a new order.

Though action sequences are directed adequately, film totally lacks connective tissue and makes no sense whatsoever. Only laughs are provided by guys dressed up like cowboys, wielding whips presumably left over from the 1960s pasta oaters craze, and very fake Indians riding to the rescue. In a shaggy dog joke, Catch Dog carries around a weird-looking, multi-barreled prop gun, which he finally tries to shoot in the final reel -it doesn't work, so he tosses it away in disgust unfired.

Multinational cast is okay, with ubiquitous leading lady Sabrina Siani styled to resemble Daryl Hannah this time out.

I found Texas Gladiators (the english version) to be an excellent source of entertainment, but only because it was a piece of purile rubbish. The fact it was made in 1982 only heightens my abhoration of the costumes, which if the words "typical 80's bad guy" do not sum up I don't know what does.

From big things like the absence of a script and/or plot to the little things like labeling a 44-gallon drum with the word "DINAMITE", this film (if we can call it such) made me glad one of my friends paid the rental fee.

Luckily we rented this video in the frame of mind of looking for the worst movie we could find, and I believe we attained that goal in renting Texas Gladiators.