Tarzan, Herr der Affen

In 1992 Miles O'Keefe told Joe Bob Briggs on TMC's "Joe Bob Briggs' Drive-In Theatre" that the audition process for the title role in John Derek's "Tarzan the Ape Man" consisted of being dressed up in a wig and a loincloth with other Tarzan wannabes and taken to a park in LA where they were told to swing around in the trees and make noise. "...and people were throwing things at us and it was--a mess! And on the basis of that that I got the part." Originally Lee Canalito got the title role, and footage was shot of him as Tarzan, but ultimately Miles O'Keefe was brought in. The orangutan who played Cheetah got taken on the publicity tour and Miles was not taken, presumably so he would not upstage Bo Derek.

After a memorable turn in Blake Edward's "10" Bo Derek settled into a brief career of movies directed by her husband John Derek as a chance to showcase his wife's boobs. "Tarzan the Ape Man" was the first of these, with Bo getting top billing as Jane, Richard Harris as Jane's father getting second, Cheetah the orangutan getting third and Miles as the title character getting fourth. Not much happens in the movie, there's mostly a lot of walking through the jungle until Bo announces "I THINK I'LL TAKE A BATH NOW". She continuously holds her index finger up to her lips for reasons not really comprehendable. Her husband's direction, according to Miles, was "Honey, get your breasts up." Richard Harris yells every line he has, Miles O'Keefe says it was because he was bored. Tarzan finally shows up halfway through, but he has no dialogue. All action scenes are done in slow motion so it ruins the effect and makes them way too long.

Despite 38 full breast exposures "Tarzan the Ape Man" is truly one of those movies that is so bad it's bad. Even people who love bad movies don't like this movie. There is no rating in this review because there is no way on IMDb to give a movie zero stars.

Having seen "10" about a year earlier, and thinking Tarzan the Ape Man might be similarly funny and entertaining, I took the 45 minute drive from a very rural town in San Mateo County, California "over the hill" to San Carlos to see a late night showing one Friday night in 1981. There were only a few people in the theater when the show started and several left as the movie dragged on. I was bored out of my mind except when Bo Derek found herself in a situation where she could shed her clothes. From the standpoint of pure physical beauty of human form, Bo Derek was at her physical peak when her husband shot her for this film. Twenty-seven years later, I remember in vivid detail the scene of her coming out of the ocean in full-frontal nudity. A 12 or 14 foot tall image of Bo's glistening wet body strolling up and out of the blue ocean directly towards the camera, into bright sunlight is one of the most beautiful images a person could ever imagine. She is stunning and the image will be burned into my memory for the rest of my life. When VHS was available in the late 80's or early 90's, I rented a copy from RKO video and was disappointed that most of that scene had been cut. If anyone knows where an uncut version is available, I would surely enjoy reliving the experience.

Wonderful action-packed adventure full of delightful campy humor, sexy romance, and Oscar-caliber performances...HA! HA! had you going there didn't I? Come on folks! This is a Bo Derek film...Bo Bo Bolero Bo. The only reason to see one of her soft-core nudie romps is to see her romp nudie. John should have shot it as an X-rated film. Bo can't act, but she's always cute (and when isn't a perfect 10 worth watching?) For extra fun try a double feature with Tanya Roberts' "Sheena: Queen of the Jungle."

Edgar Rice Burroughs is reduced to softcore porn. Instead of this being a story about a man who was raised by apes, it's a story about the sexual awakening of Jane, and it's a ludicrously awful awakening. "Tarzan the Ape Man" is so awful that it does achieve Ed Wood/Showgirls levels of so-bad-it's-good, which makes this film essential viewing for fans of bad cinema. Pretty, but talentless Bo Derek plays Jane. High points of camp include Tarzan pawing at Jane in a very odd early courtship scene. Aother scene has Tarzan rescuing Jane from a tribe of natives who roughly wash her and then cover her in mud, which I'm assuming director John Derek (Bo's husband) meant to be erotic. Oh, and over the end credits, Bo is pawed by a real ape, an orangutan, which I'm hoping was some sort of nod to the 70s/80s ape cycle of comedies (i.e "Every Which Way But Loose," "Going Ape," "BJ and the Bear," etc.). These scenes were all likely intended to be titillating, but similarly to "Showgirl," they are anything but. Overall, "Tarzan the Ape Man" is about as bad a film as can be made (I hope Richard Harris was paid handsomely for appearing), but it's sooooooooo bad, that it's absolutely worth watching, which is why I suppose Turner Classic Movies chose to air this unintentional laugh riot. FUN FACT! United Artists was sued by the Edgar Rice Burroughs estate over the film.

This is the best film the Derek couple has ever made and if you think this is a recommendation then you haven't seen any of the others. There are the usual ingredients: it is just as poorly acted as their other efforts, we can watch Bo disrobing or auditioning for wet T-shirt contests quite frequently, the story is just laughably idiotic, and the film takes itself much too seriously. And then: Orang Utans in Africa?

But it has a few things going for it. Bo looks great, the production values (sets, costumes, etc.) are quite good, and this greatly enhances its camp value. In a strange way it is actually quite funny, simply because it tries to be serious and fails so badly.