In Teufels Namen

Anyone who had not seen this film, but had heard about its various titles, may expect something interesting and worthwhile. The reality is that this is a turgid, slow moving, load of nonsense! First of all, the soundtrack is quite abysmal, and the background sounds tend to drown out the dialogue, which is no great shakes anyway. The editing is quite appalling, and the film lurches from scene to scene without any great pattern to it. The ending is quite ludicrous, although after sitting through 90 minutes of dross, it is a welcome relief to the viewer. In all in, a sad effort which only merits two points courtesy of the lead, Lana Wood!!

Satan's Mistress (1982)

** (out of 4)

Lisa (Lana Wood) is a bored housewife who has become sexually unsatisfied in her relationship. Before long she begins to have dreams of a sexual encounter with a mysterious man who might be much more sinister than she realizes.

SATAN'S MISTRESS has been released under a number of titles including DEMON SEED, DEMON RAGE, FURY OF THE SUCCUBUS and DARK EYES. No matter what you want to call it, this here is pretty much a show for fans of Wood. If you were disappointed that she didn't pop out of her suit in DIAMONDS ARE FOREVER then you'll be happy to know that she's fully nude throughout this picture. Obviously with the plot and all the sex and nudity, this here is pretty much a sleazy horror picture and on that level it works.

We've seen countless possession movies but I will give this one credit in that it at least tries to be good. I say that because a lot of low-budget horror movies know there will be an audience out there for them so they can deliver crap if they want to and usually fans will except it. This film really wants to try and scare the viewer by delivering some psychological elements with the story. The film never wants us to know if the lead character is crazy or if she's normal. It's never clear if she's really having this sexual relationship or if it's all in her head. Is this man Satan himself or some sort of ghost?

Director James Polakof doesn't really succeed in what he tried for but, again, I give him credit for trying. The film is never suspenseful and it's also fair to say that the movie doesn't quite grab you like it should. What makes the film work is the fact that it is rather sleazy with there being several sex scenes and of course there's Wood willing to take it all off. There's full frontal nudity throughout the film and for the most part I thought she delivered a fine performance. Britt Ekland plays her psychic friend and John Carradine shows up as a Priest.

SATAN'S MISTRESS is a mildly entertaining film that at least tried to be something more than a low-budget exploitation movie. Again, I give it credit for at least trying but even in its failure it still remains an entertaining picture for what it is.

It's funny how they just gloss over how verbally abusive and aggressive the main character's husband is, as though his abusiveness and neglect aren't what's negatively affecting the relationship. This is a couple that I don't want things to work out for because it's established early on that he "gets" that way whenever he's focused on his work, meaning he'll keep ignoring her, getting angry when she gently tries to get his attention, and calling her curse words. THEN he gets angry when she rightfully separates herself and wants to focus on painting, slamming what she's working on to the floor. He also rejects her sexual advances, but when he comes home and hears her in the throes of passion "alone," he gets jealous. Like, wow, he can be neglectful, abusive, but she'd better not dare respond to it, even passively. He's AWFUL! But the movie treats it like SHE'S the problem! I just kept thinking it's not good for her daughter to grow up seeing that her mother endured that treatment as normal because it often does affect a child's adult choices.

Also, they start the story out already in the house, focusing on the nonsensical family drama and just making vague references to the house being evil or whatever. It's an awful setup. I think they were more focused on getting the wife's kit off and having her in bed, fake moaning with a distressed look on her face. The other characters are used weirdly, with the husband of the main character's best friend coming across as a creep, as he keeps making lustful comments about the main character and burying the attractiveness of his own pretty wife right to her face. The daughter is used in what should be a significant way, but the execution is so poor that she still comes across as a loose end.

Conclusion: Poorly written and paced, bland, unlikable characters, plays like a TV movie with nudity; 1 star.

S/N: Also, the misogynistic comments about her breasts in these reviews are far worse than the movie!

Greetings And Salutations, and welcome to my review of Dark Eyes; before launching into my critique, here's a breakdown of my ratings:

Story - 0.75 Direction - 0.75 Pace - 0.50 Acting - 1.00 Enjoyment - 0.75

TOTAL - 3.75 out of 10

Oh dear me, this film doesn't have a lot going for it so I'll try to keep it short - if not sweet.

Evidently, being lonely and depressed opens you up to occult experiences. That means at least half the world's population must have had a demonic visitation. Mine must be way overdue, and if dear ol' Luci's reading this, please make mine blonde and shapely, cheers you ol' devil you.

The story is the first problem with the film. It starts as your run-of-the-mill sexual haunting, which The Entity accomplished much better. Though, by the end, it's transformed into a twisted love story. Unfortunately, the writers didn't have the skill to complete the conversion believably or smoothly. In all honesty, the story is as jagged as a werewolf's fangs. Every element from the dysfunctional family and their separate emotions to their over-sharing friends to the demonic love needed better explanation and structure. Due to it being a mess, it becomes implausible, which makes it tedious.

Regrettably, the direction is as sloppy. The director opts for a point and shoot approach with a single meandering tempo. So added to the tedium of the tale comes the lethargy of the filmmaking. The special effects are not special enough - only the decapitation is notable, and it's not that great either. Though, the worst is the double exposure. I'm still not sure what the globular shape represented - but what is important is that I didn't and still don't care.

I felt sorry for Britt Ekland and Don Galloway: Their talent is wasted in the film. At least Galloway gave his all, and I hope he had fun doing it - he is, by and far, the best of the bunch. Ekland's name was top of the bill to get the bums on seats. I think she realised this because her performance wasn't the best. As for the leads, well, they were so wooden the writers should have changed the family name to the Redwoods.

If you've not guessed it yet, I do not recommend Dark Eyes, or any other names it hides under, for your viewing pleasure. I don't know you, and I'm not giving you a reason to hunt me down, so steer well clear of this piccy.

Please feel free to visit my Absolute Horror list to see where I ranked Dark Eyes, or better yet, to find something more enjoyable to watch.

Take Care & Stay Well.

Bickering couple Lisa (Lana Wood, sister of Natalie) and Carl (Don Galloway) move to an isolated beach house in an attempt to save their marriage. This doesn't work and lonely Lisa soon finds herself attracting a horny spirit (Kabir Bedi) that frequently seduces her and tries to possess the couple's daughter Michelle (Sherry Scott). Psychic best friend Ann-Marie (Britt Ekland) senses something is wrong and tries to stop it. This reminds me of the similar MAUSOLEUM but without the cool green lighting and effects. There isn't really much to this standard horror from director James Polakof as the first hour consists mostly of Lisa moaning and groaning as the General Zod looking spirit gives her the sexy eyes. There is a rather nice decapitation in here, but I had to deduct cool points since no one questions why there is a guillotine in the basement of their new home. The beach location is nice though and offers some early 80s location eye-porn. John Carradine has 4 minute bit as a priest who mutters some nonsense about "the devil attacking us when we are at our weakest."