Conan der Barbar

It took a long time for Robert E Howard's wonderful creation to make it to the big screen,and the result is something of a mixture.Some of Conan is very impressive,with the atmosphere of Howard's writing perfectly captured on screen,but some of the film is badly misjudged,with daft moments,botched action,and an uneven performance from schwarzenneger.He looks the part but in some scenes comes across as a muscle bound buffoon.Something the literary hero definitely wasn't.The story is ok,apart from having Conan spend half his life chained to the wheel of pain!But it's a dissapointing script,considering greats Milius and Oliver Stone wrote it.There are some excellent sequences in the film though,that are beautifully photographed.The opening attack on conans village is impressive,and Conans encounter with a weird witch is pretty good.But best of all is the orgy sequence,where the action,sets,and music blend together perfectly.It's like a Frank Frazetta painting come to life!The climactic battle of the mounds is ok,but it's all over far to quickly.The film does look good with some gorgeous photography,and set design.Best of all though,is the music by Basil Poledouris.This is an absolutely stunning score,that really captures the savage world of Conan.I'll stick my neck out and say that it's the best film soundtrack ever composed!General Cromwell,over and out.

Directed by John Milius, this hugely entertaining slice of sword and sorcery is epic stuff from start to finish, opening with Conan as a young boy witnessing the slaughter of his tribe by the evil snake-cult leader Thulsa Doom (James Earl Jones) and his henchmen, charting Conan's subsequent life as a slave, a gladiator, and a thief, and following him as he and his loyal friend Subotai (Gerry Lopez) and sexy squeeze Valeria (Sandahl Bergman) travel to Thulsa Doom's mountain lair to rescue a king's daughter and exact a little revenge.

As an actor, five times Mr. Universe and seven times Mr. Olympia Arnold Schwarzenegger might only be slightly less wooden than The Tree of Woe to which he is nailed, but with more muscle mass in one arm than the average man has in his entire body, he makes a perfect Conan the Barbarian. As expected, Arnold mauls his dialogue like he's chewing on a vulture's neck, but he gives the role everything he's got, especially when it comes to swinging a sword and slicing up men like they're so much Extrawurst. Arnie flexes his muscles, blood and limbs fly in all directions, and Hollywood's greatest action star is born.

Milius's film might threaten to become mired by a sense of self importance at times, but with bags of atmosphere, superb production design by Ron Cobb, and stunning cinematography, plus oodles of brutal hacking and slashing, all accompanied by a breath-taking symphonic score by Basil Poledouris, Arnie's first major movie ultimately emerges triumphant.

You know, Conan doesn't speak for the first 22 minutes of the movie, but it's worth the wait. "Crush enemies, see them driven before you, hear the lamentations of the women" is Conan's description of what is best in life.

If you're a dialog person, this movie may not be for you. If you never paid attention to the dialog, you might do so now. Sex, drugs, and rock'n'roll! (except, without the rock'n'roll. The soundtrack is pretty awesome, though).

What can I say? It's a classic. Intense blood and gore, Eighties-esquire special effects, intense sensuality with were-vixens, magic, revenge, true love...sounds like the Princess Bride with an R rating. Just kidding.

Arnie in the lead role. James Earl Jones as the villain. Clear effort and care, that shows, in every department. Really, what more could you ask of this film? I have not read any of Howard's stories, so all I know about Conan is how many times the character has been done, and of course what this film told me. Be forewarned, there is some sexuality(not many places, but when it's there, it can be strong), a lot of violence, and a seemingly endless stream of death throughout this, and you should only watch this if you are prepared for(and able to tolerate) such. The plot is quite good, and I understand it does incorporate several elements and occurrences from the original stories by Howard(R.I.P.). The pacing is pretty much flawless, I was never bored. The action is well-done, intense and with great choreography. Acting is spot-on, more or less. Jones is a more intimidating presence elsewhere, but he's not bad at all. Schwarzenegger does rather well. Production values are of notably high quality for the entire feature. No expense seems spared. Vast sets and locations, detailed costumes and props, countless extras. Special effects are magnificent, and not just for the time it was made. Sound is reasonable, a lot of lines seem ADR'ed, but the music is masterful. Dialog varies, but most of it is marvelous, both writing and delivery. Cinematography and editing are top-notch. This builds atmosphere skillfully, and the amount of dialog and where it occurs is chosen with care. I would advise against reading the Trivia entries, or at least all of them, before the viewing, as they do give some things away. I recommend this to any fan of the genre, Arnie, and possibly Jones and/or Sydow, as well. 7/10

A cracking sword and sorcery yarn that has divided movie goer opinions since it's release. Some believing it's a beefy and shallow action movie, glossed up with big sets and fancy costumes. Others believing it is a truly eye popping visual feast of a film with hidden depth. The film was panned on its original release but since then has been something of a critical favourite. While the film is too murky and turgid at times, it is still engaging, despite needing to lighten up a touch, because this is based on a comic book after all. The film is fantastical but at the same time the film doesn't go quite as fantastical as the comic books did. This seems to be more based in reality but it still features a snake-man, giant snakes and witches.

The film follows Conan from childhood when his parents are killed and follows him through his early years as a slave to adulthood when he becomes a fighter and a thief. What drives Conan is pure bloodthirsty revenge on the man who killed his parents(James Earl Jones) and he is constantly spurred on by the belief he is doing his god's (Krom the god of steel) will. Conan constantly interprets important moments as messages from Krom.This film is so visual. The dialogue is minimal and yet meaningful. This gives the film a great atmosphere and really brings to mind two other fantasy action movies I really love, Crying Freeman and Highlander. They are all very similar in style. They all have the same strengths, in that they are both great looking, have a lead character driven by a spirit guide, controlled by his beliefs and a sense of destiny and all three have similar romantic subplot, all told with visuals, and little dialogue. They are all also blessed with unique and rousing scores. It's all very mythical and philosophical in each, with love at first site important. It is the love of the women that drive the men to their goals. In Freeman Dacascos wants to break away from his controlled regime, and take back his life when his love gives him the will to do so. In Highlander McLeod wants to lead a mortal life, to love and grow old with someone, to be human. Conan wants a life after he takes his revenge. The greatness of their romantic story and the purely visual way it is told is that during the movie he says only 5 words to her,and they all come in their first meeting. The film should not get away with something like that, yet it works well. The twist in Conan is that his lover sacrifices herself for him and in effect once he has achieved his goal the film is left with the feeling Conan has no further purpose in life.

The cast are good. Arnold was made into a star here. He is physically the best shape he's ever been in a movie. He is smaller than his bodybuilding days yet as big as he's ever been on screen and at the same time fleet of foot and nimble. Lest we not forget by the time he hit mega stardom he was in his 40's, but Arnold is truly in his prime here. It is a performance though of glaring inconsistency which is the likes of which I have never seen. It is at once his best and his worst performance. For all that Schwarzenegger does with a depth and humanity not seen in his films since, he overplays and looks amateurish in others, because of course he was an amateur here. What really does work is the chemistry between Sandahl Bergman and Schwarzy. She gets the best out of him and their scenes together are generally his best. Bergman received a Golden Globe for this and had Arnie consistently been as good as his higher points here, who knows? You get the feeling the philosophical side might occasionally have gone over his head. At times he would bawl out "Kraaoomm!!!" without knowing why he was delivering the line. Bergman is good. She is enigmatic and quite sexy in a "why is she sexy?" kind of a way. Bergman kicks ass and her dance background shows as she moves with grace. The showstoppers though are the supporting cast with the legend Mako, excellent as the wizard and narrator. Max Von Sydow is superb as king Osric and he gets some of the best dialogue but it is the chilling James Earl Jones who is particularly excellent as Thulsa Doom.

What makes this film great is the fact that it feels older than it is. It feels like a b-movie fantasy film from the golden ages of the 50's and 60's, with some of the charming elements of the legendarily cheap Italian fantasy films. The film even at times feels like it is dubbed. While all it lacks is a stand out Ray Harryhausen moment. The nearest we get is the giant snake. I would have loved to have seen more creatures and beasts in this movie with some HarryHausen effects but it come a tad too late really. Also Basil Poledouris' score is fantastic and old fashioned a big reason the film feels like it is from the golden age of this sword and sorcery quest movies. The score is the real standout part of the movie. It's very old fashioned, medieval and a bit baroque and works marvellously well with some rousing themes.

The film is directed with visual flourish by John Milius, whose tragically lame career since makes you wonder what happened. In that sense it has another similarity with Highlander as the even more talented Russell Mulcahy was never matched the quality or success of Highlander since. This is a top notch film that fantasy enthusiasts will love. ****