Puma-Man

Vadinho, Aztec High Priest, should be the Pumaman, not that idiot Tony Farms. Throughout the movie, Vadinho proves himself worthy of the title of hero. He is the one who knows what is going on most of the time. The only thing Tony (aka Pumaman) does is bounce around and distract the villains. As far as I'm concerned, Tony is as good alive as dead. The only time Tony was ever effective at confusing the villains was when he WAS dead!

Secondly, Vadinho's character is much better than Tony's. Tony is a whiner, crying and sobbing about every little problem. Vadinho, on the other hand, takes each difficulty with pride and grace. Never once does he lose his temper.

Another reason Vadinho should be the Pumaman? He actually believes the religion. I'm surprised Tony even knew of Aztec religion. Vadinho, the HIGH FREAKIN' PRIEST, is not worthy of the title Pumaman, but Mr. Sarcastic American gets it handed to him? I don't think so! I think Mr. Alberto De Martino needs to get a nasty letter for this movie. What does he have against the Aztec?!

Puma Man - who is he? Why is he here? Where did he come from? Why is he a manic-depressive?

All of these questions - or at least most - can be answered by watching "L'uomo puma" (or "Puma Man", as I know it). Made (solely) to cash in on the "Superman" craze, this comes in at just barely more tolerable than "The Indian Superman" (never seen that one? Check out "Stomp Tokyo").

Seems Aztec priest Vadinho ("an onion?") is throwing guys out of high-rise windows all over London to see which one is a super hero. Well, if there's no better way to find out.... Then he comes upon college professor Tony Farms (Alton, whom you probably haven't seen since those old "dry look" commercials), who survives a three-story fall quite nicely. Vadinho then bestows a magic belt on him that grants Tony the heroic powers of a puma.

Okay...stop there. Comparison time. Tony jumps, pumas jump. Tony claws things, pumas claw things. Tony flies, pumas.... Aah, there, SEE? Of course, if a puma was going through the air, it would probably flail its limbs all around and have its butt up the air, too.

Anyway, Tony's first assignment: stop the evil Kobras (Pleasance!!) from taking over the world by staring at people through an aluminum foil mask and controlling their minds with papier-mache mock-ups of their heads (poor representations, too), and while wearing leather S&M suits or silver nehru jackets. Oh Donald, what were you thinking? "Paycheck", no doubt.

Everything here suggests the film-makers were trying to attain the lofty heights of "Superman"; but this group doesn't even get close to "Super Mario Brothers" territory.

Love the disco soundtrack, though, as well as the special FX (no more special than back projection technology) and that perplexed look Donald Pleasance has on his face throughout the film. Maybe he was expecting Steve McQueen to drop by and help him escape?

At any rate, MST3K is the safest, least harmful way to witness the disaster that is "Puma Man". For certain, Mike and the robots supply the best dialogue (favorite - "Couldn't control me bladder - sorry, mate!")

Three stars for "L'uomo puma" (for sheer joy in its stupidity), and ten stars for the MST3K version.

Catch it, just to see what puts the "poo" in "Puma Man".

As I've said before, you've just got to love those wacky Italians and some of their wacky cinematic "achievements". The Puma Man (or The Pumaman as the title card indicates) tells the story of Professor Tony Farms (Walter George Alton) who reluctantly accepts his superhero birthright. A direct descendant of extraterrestrials, he is given the power of the puma (Until I watched this movie, I had no idea that pumas could fly? Who knew?) so that he might defend the secrets of the Aztecs. One of those secrets, a golden mask that grants its possessor the power of mind control, has been stolen by the evil Kobras (Donald Pleasance). With his Aztec guide Vadinho (Miguel Angel Fuentes), The Puma Man must put a stop to Kobras' plans of world domination.

It might be screwy, but I can't help but enjoy parts of The Puma Man. The movie comes across like a twisted, no-budget mix of Superman and the U.S. television series "The Greatest American Hero". From the superhero costume that includes brown slacks straight off the rack at Sears to the poorly done rear projection special effects to the repetitive (but admittedly catchy) Casio keyboard soundtrack to the Christmas ornament-like space ship, it's obvious that the budget on The Puma Man was less that what I spent on dinner last night. But the odd thing is, regardless of how cheap looking most of the movie is, it's got a charm to it that money can't buy. And while that doesn't necessarily make The Puma Man a great movie or anything, on occasion the movie overcomes its many faults (or it might be because of these faults) and is often quite fun. The acting isn't much to write home about. Pleasance proves he could be a scene-chewer without equal. His insistence on pronouncing "puma" as "pyuma" is hysterical. Our would-be hero, Alton, is generally ineffectual. The female lead, played by Sydne Rome, while reasonably attractive, doesn't display much in the way of acting skills either. Still, given the material they're given to work with, the entire cast is serviceable. But probably the best thing I can say about The Puma Man is that it's not dull. In fact, it's well paced and generally entertaining throughout its runtime. And as I've argued so many times, entertainment is the single most important thing to me when watching movies.

Compared with most everyone else on IMDb, my rating for The Puma Man sticks out like a sore thumb. Maybe I enjoy it for all the wrong reasons, but whatever it is, I do enjoy it.

Dear god. This was a terrifyingly bad movie. If ever a film made me want to hang my head in shame, this was it. Donald "All quiet on the Balding Front" Pleasence is anything but. Sydne Rome (awfully close to Syndrome isn't it? I'll she has a couple) and Walter George Alton shared a romantic moment or two that looked more like a vacuous stare at some bit of food in the others mouth. And the way the Pumaman "leaps" from building to building got me thinking of wedgies while hanging from my elementary school's jungle gym. Bottom line, I would rather have my colon examined by Jar Jar Binks than watch this movie without a healthy dose of morphine.

A bunch of Aztec aliens make a tremendous navigation error in a giant flying humbug, in a deep north American accent, deposit a mind-controlling mask on what appears to be Stonehenge, England, now with a nice coastal view. To look after this, the fabled "Puma man" (constantly miss-pronounced, rather aptly, as "poo-ma man" ) is entrusted to prevent it from falling into evil hands. Alas, a team of archaeologists in bondage gear find the mask and set off on world domination.

Need I go on? Nothing in this movie makes sense. Who cares if the hero's sidekick pushed a bunch of Americans to their deaths for no obvious reason! Poo-ma man's powers include dangling in front of London's skyline, posing like a squirrel and leaping around with 80's synthesized "boing" noises, and walking through walls - all the abilities you would expect from your average south-American feral wildcat.

Oh what's the point of going on. This movie is so bad, it bounces off the bottom depths of the chasm of suckness back up into the realms of inadvertent hysteria. Cue 80's disco music and, "Poo- ma man, he flies like a mor-on!"